


In the End

by theblkdahlia666



Category: Jared Padalecki - Fandom
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-09-11
Updated: 2016-03-15
Packaged: 2018-04-20 05:51:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 49
Words: 49,567
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4776011
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theblkdahlia666/pseuds/theblkdahlia666
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A young woman with no knowledge of Supernatural finds her life forever changed after a chance meeting with Jared Padalecki. But she harbours a deep secret she can't seem to outrun.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. In the begining

I woke up feeling more rested than I should've after staying up late working on a new project when I glanced at my alarm clock to see that it was almost 11 in the morning. I was in a bit of a panic before I remembered that I had the day off. Sinking back down I waited for my heart to go back to normal before finally dragging myself out of bed. Like everyday I made my coffee with my eyes half open before jumping in the shower. Not bothering with make up I threw my hair up in loose pile and a clip before dressing. I put on my usual outfit of skinny jeans, tee and chucks and actually remembered to grab a hoody just in case. I grabbed my bag from the back of the door and stuffed in my sketchbook and pencils and headed outside grabbing my mail on the way out. 

Flipping through the usual junk I spotted an envelope with the City of Vancouver seal. Tearing it open I quickly read the letter and sighed. "Dear residents, we are writing to inform you that a local television studio has chosen our neighbourhood as a filming location. The studio will be filming between the hours of 11 pm and 6 am October 29th through November 5th. We sincerely apologize for any inconvenience this may cause. They parties involved have assured us they will make every effort not to interrupt the daily lives of our residents and try to keep noise to a minimum. The City of Vancouver thanks you for you cooperation." 

Great I thought to myself, just what I need is tons of people making noise and huge spotlights in the middle of the night. Throwing the junk mail and evil letter in a nearby paper bin I headed to the subway. Making my way downtown to run my errands I thought back to evil letter wondering what they would be filming. I laughed to myself realizing I probably wouldn't recognize the show anyway. As all my friends love to tell me I'm probably the only 25 year old in the country that doesn't own a TV. What can I say, for me there's nothing a TV can give me that books won't. Plus I absolutely loath the idea of "celebrities", I honestly cannot understand putting these people on such a high pedestal and showering them with ridiculous amounts of money when the real heroes like teachers and fireman scrape by. 

Annoyed with myself for letting my good mood be ruined I shook my head trying to clear my thoughts. I ducked into the closest coffee shop for more caffeine and something fattening. I sat at one the small tables outside and took out my sketchbook. I threw my hoody on and relaxed back in the comfy chair and opened to a fresh page. I sat there for a while sipping my coffee and nibbling on the muffin I got trying to think of something to draw. I looked around and noticed a nice car parked on the other side of the street. Shrugging I put the book on the table and started sketching.

I lost track of time and was almost finished when I noticed my coffee was cold so I grabbed my bag and headed inside to get another one. I sat back down and started on finishing up the drawing when a shadow came over me. I looked up and was startled to see a man towering over me. He smiled down at me and in that moment I forgot how to breathe.


	2. Shadow

It took me a few seconds to realize that I was blatantly staring at him with my jaw practically touching the table.   
"Are you alright Miss?" He asked with slight look of concern. I quickly looked down and closed my mouth before looking back to him "I didn't mean to scare you I just saw your drawing." "Yeah, sorry. I'm fine you, just startled me is all." He just gave me that same surface of the sun smile and I had to look away before I started staring again. "Good. Well I'm gonna..." He motioned to the coffee shop. I managed to mumble something I'm not sure was even a word and just nodded. He gave me a quick nod and turned and walked into the shop and I swear I heard him laugh but it was so soft I wasn't sure. 

As soon as he was out of sight I quickly started to gather my things that were scattered all over the table. My face felt hot and all I could think of was to get out of there as fast as possible so I couldn't embarrass myself even further. But of course (being me) in my haste to escape the strap of my bag got caught on the corner of the chair and ripped open spilling its contents on the ground. I let out a sort of half sob half hysterical laugh and bent to gather my crap. I heard footsteps behind me and prayed it wasn't the perfect being I wasn't sure was even human. Then I heard that same soft chuckle and knew it was him. I glanced over to see him walking towards me and slightly irritated and gave him what I hoped was a glare and immediately his face went smooth. Of course he didn't keep walking, instead he set his coffee on the table and bent to start helping me grab my stuff. "Thanks but you don't have to" I said keeping my eyes down. "Hey no problem at all" he replied. I put my bag on the ground (thankfully only the strap had ripped) and started jamming in my notebooks and pencils. He handed me something and his warm fingers grazed the back of my hand and it felt like electricity. I felt my face get hot again and tried to keep my breathing even as I took the papers from him. He didn't let go and I looked up expectantly. 

"Wow. These are really amazing." I looked into his eyes for the first time and saw the honesty behind them. I tried to smile and said thank you. "So are you an artist ?" I let out a very unattractive snort. "No it's just something I do to relax and pass the time." "Well you should be, you're very talented." I blushed again and looked anywhere but at him. "Well I should get going but thanks again for your help" I told him with another timid smile. "Anytime". I turned to leave when he called out. "Hey. I'm Jared by the way." I turned to see him holding out his hand to me. I took his hand and felt that same spark as earlier. "Bree" "It's nice to meet you Bree." " It's nice to meet you too. Well I guess I'll see you around." He grinned down at me and picked up his coffee. I took off down the street faster than normally and chastised myself for behaving like a 13 year old with a crush. I stole a glance behind me before turning the corner to see him getting into the car I had just been sketching. Of course it's his car I thought with a smile.


	3. No fricken way

I spent the rest of my day doing the things I didn't have time for during the week. I paid all my bills, did laundry, got groceries and cleaned my apartment. By the time I was done everything I was beat and just wanted to lounge on the couch with a book and cold beer.

I had just popped the top and had taken that first frosty sip when I heard the sounds of a text message. I almost didn't want to pick up my phone but curiosity got the better of me. ~ Hey biznatch what r u doin ~ I smiled. My friend Jules could always get a smile out of me no matter what. ~ Hey Tramp. You know me, always busy ~ I sat back on the couch and picked up my book when my phone beeped again. ~ Your not busy your a skeevy liar that lies. Put the book down and get over here ~ Sighing I put down my book. ~ Dude I can't, I got work in the morning ~ I knew all too well that I was gonna lose, if Jules wanted something she wouldn't let up ~ Nice try but 2morrows Thursday and you don't start till noon ~ I quickly ran out of reasons and gave in ~ Fine. Gimme 10 ~ I put down my book and headed to change. I grabbed my phone and keys and headed outside, I checked my phone and sure enough she knew she won ~ :) see u soon - 

As soon as I stepped outside the door I froze. There were huge moving trucks lining the street and people everywhere setting up equipment and shouting instructions to each other. It felt really disorienting to be standing on my steps and not recognize my own block. I had forgotten all about that letter about the TV people filming here. I was making my way down the street trying not to trip on anything when I saw it. No way. There's no way it's the same car from the coffee shop. I shook my head and felt foolish. After all it was dark and there were probably dozens of cars that looked exactly the same.

I started walking trying to forget about it but the harder I tried the more useless it got. I could still see his smile and almost feel the warmth of his hands. Now that I was thinking about him all these little details came flooding back. He was taller than most men and had wide shoulders. I remembered not noticing anything else except his smile at the time but now I could practically see him towering over me again. His hair was long I think, almost to his shoulders and he had on one of those slouchy knit hats. I remember his name was Jared and how kind he seemed and soon enough I found myself smiling like a crazy person.


	4. Evil equals sexy ?

Trying to stop obsessing over the mystery man and clear my mind I headed towards Jules' plnace a bit more urgently than I needed to. I crossed the street and came to a stop under her window. "Hey Bitch!" I yelled up and waited a few seconds until I saw her pop her head out and look down with smile. "Alright I'm here so open the door already." She slipped back inside and I headed up the stairs to her door. I heard the door buzz and went inside and up a longer flight of stairs. 

We didn't bother knocking on each other's doors anymore so I just stepped inside and was immediately assaulted by the cutest fricken puppy ever. I slipped out of my jacket scooped him up in my arms. I headed to the living room where I could hear people talking while completely losing my mind over the adorable fur baby. I turned the corner and saw Jules still standing by the window talking excitingly and gesturing are around wildly, our friends Peter and Brady sitting on the couch laughing. "Sweet, it's PB and J." They all look over at me and Jules gives me this terrifying scowl. "How could you not tell me I'm your best friend ?" I went over and gave the boys awkward-still-holding-a-puppy hugs and sat in the other comfy chair. "Um... Tell you what" I asked her genuinely confused. "That they're filming practically in your house" I scratched absently behind the puppies ears and he slowly closed his eyes. "Dude relax, I only found out this morning and then forgot all about it until just now when I left the house." She just sighed and went into the kitchen. "By the way babe, we got a puppy" Peter said reaching over to softy stroke the puppies tiny head. "I can see that" I giggled. "So what his name?" He snickered and Brady playfully slapped his knee. "She and it's Grace Kelly." I just raised my eyebrows at him and Brady laughed again. Jules came back in and handed me a beer. "Thanks J. So what are they filming anyways, do you know?" Jules scooped Grace Kelly from my lap and sat on her chaise lounge (she has the coolest apartment) and her eyes lit up.

"Only the sexiest show ever." Brady said. Jules and Peter both smiled so wide it was comical. "Which is?" I asked. They all spoke at the same time. "Supernatural." I laughed and asked "What's it about?" They all started talking over each other and by the end of it I learned it was about two brothers fighting evil creatures. "How is that at all sexy?" Again they all started talking at once. "Girl you should see the guys in the show, I'm talking delicious honey" Peter said and Brady nodded very seriously. "You guys are hilarious" I told them. We hung out and chatted about random stuff until we were all yawning. I gave Grace Kelly one last snuggle and handed her to Brady. "Here you go baby back to your daddies." I hugged and kisses both boys and they left to go home. "I'm gonna take off too, I'm beat." "Same here" Jules agreed. We made lunch plans for the next day and I headed home.


	5. Swan Dive

On the way home I started thinking about the show my friends were talking about wondering if I should check it out. I popped into a local video rental place and asked the teenage girl at the counter for the first season. "Rewatching"? she asked me cheerfully. "No, first time. Some friends told me I had to." I replied with a laugh. "Oh my god your gonna love it, they are so hot." "So I keep hearing". I thanked her and grabbed the DVDs and some candy and took off in the direction of my place. 

It had started to rain softly so I pulled up my hood and kept my head down as I walked. I was nearly home when of course I tripped on a power cable laying on the sidewalk and went sprawling on my face. Into a mud puddle. 

Graceful as ever I thought to myself. Groaning from the fall and having the wind knocked out of me I looked around to see if anyone at seen my epic swan dive when a hand reached down to me. "Are you alright?" "Yeah I'm ok, I just tripped on..." I froze as I looked up to see my mystery man holding his hand out. Again. While I was red faced and embarrassed. Again. 

"We have to stop meeting like this" he said helping me up. I could just imagine what I looked like, soaking wet and covered in mud. "Believe me I hope it's the last time." I muttered trying to smooth my hair out of my face. A look of surprise and hurt flashed across his face before I realized what I had said. "N-no I didn't mean, I meant you always finding me on my knees. I mean- oh my god." I wished I could just crawl back into the mud puddle and let it swallow me whole. He let out this deep throaty laughter and grinned down at me. "It's ok I know what you mean. I'm so sorry about the equipment I'll let someone know so they clear the sidewalk." I was surprised and looked around. "You're working on this thing" He sort of chuckled and looked almost sheepish. "Yeah we're here for a week filming" My wet hair started dripping down my face and he took a step closer and brushed my bangs of my forehead. My breath caught in my throat as he took my face in his hands and turned my head. "It looks like your getting a bruise here, are you sure your ok?" The look of concern on his face was enough to remind myself to breathe. "I promise, I just need a shower and some sleep and I'll be fine" I said with more confidence than I felt. "Jared! We need you on set!" Someone yelled and he turned his head. "I gotta get back to work" He said almost sounding disappointed. "Yeah I should get home" I said realizing I was still standing in ran. "Be careful ok." He turned and headed back across the street. I turned and started up the stairs when he called out to me. "By the way it was nice to see you again Bree." I blushed and gave him a little wave before he turned and disappeared behind all the equipment. I turned and hurried into my apartment. Leaning back against the door. I didn't care that I was getting a headache or dripping onto the floor. I couldn't believe remembered my name.


	6. That's it

I stared at myself in the bathroom mirror. What the hell is wrong with you I asked myself. Okay maybe I've never been super confident or outgoing but I've never had a guy reduce me to bumbling idiot with just a look before. I decided on a long, hot bath and put on some music ( Kings of Leon ). As I lay there letting the hot water loosen my muscles I closed my eyes and tried to forget everything from the past couple days. I let the music flow through me and eventually relaxed enough to actually laugh at myself for being so ridiculous. He's just a guy, okay an insanely hot, perfect specimen of a man but still just a guy. That's it. You are not going to let some guy turn you into some stuttering pile of jello. I towelled off and checked my reflection again noticing the bruise developing on my forehead. Awesome. 

I woke up feeling better than I had in days and started humming while getting ready for work. With my renewed confidence I picked out an outfit I wouldn't normally choose for work and did my hair. I normally kept my hair up in a twist or loose bun because it's so long it gets in the way but I decided screw it. I left it down in mass of loose curls reaching my waist. I chose a dark grey fitted dress (http://www.polyvore.com/narciso_rodriguez_grey_double-zip_pencil/thing?id=63131336) and nude pumps. I threw on some mascara and lip gloss and grabbed my bag. 

Heading outside I couldn't stop myself from glancing across the street hoping to catch a glimpse of that beautiful man. Unfortunately because it was lunchtime there weren't many people around. I shook my head at myself and took off down the street. Thankfully I only live a few blocks from work so I arrived early enough to grab another coffee. I walked in to the office and Brit our receptionist looked up and her mouth popped open. "Wow, do you have a date or something." I laughed at the thought. "No I just felt like dressing up today." "Well it's good timing because the founder is waiting for you in your office." I raised my eyebrows at her and she shrugged. I turned towards my office and was silently freaking out that I had forgotten a meeting. 

I walked in and my boss was sitting in one of the the overstuffed arm chairs in front of my desk talking on her cell. I smile and she motioned for me to sit at my desk. Trying not to freak out I hung up my coat and grabbed my folders from my bag. I kept sneaking glances at her while booting up my computer and checking my emails. 

Finally she hung up and stood to shake my hand. "Bree I'm so sorry to barge in on you like this but something important has come up." I swallowed nervously. "No problem Maren it's always great to see you." She laughed. "Relax hun, everything is fine. Great in fact." I sat in the chair next to her and forced myself to take a deep breath. "So what's going on?" I asked her. "I just got a call from from the Charity Association International and the foundation has been chosen to receive a humanitarian award." She was so happy she was practically bouncing. "Oh my god, Maren that incredible!" She stood and pulled me in for a big hug. "I know it's so amazing, the award comes with a huge donation to foundation and they're throwing a big deal party for us in L.A next month." "Wow that's so-" She grabbed my hands and looked at me which a sneaky smile. "As it turns out my shoulder surgery is scheduled for the same week and I can't be there to accept the award." Oh no. I could see where this was heading from a mile away. "Umm Maren I..." "Please Bree your the only other person I would even consider asking to do this and I know we would've even have been considered without everything you've done for the foundation" I was at a total loss trying to think of any excuse to not have to do this. The thought of standing in front of a crowded room with everyone looking at me made me slightly nauseous. "I dunno Maren I'm scared I would say the wrong thing and embarrass you." No problem, I will write your speech and take care of everything, all you'll have to do is show up, read the speech and mingle with people." As much as I wanted to say no it was a really great event that could gain more exposure to the foundations cause. "Ok" I sighed. "But if I drop the award or something you can't say I didn't warn you." She just laughed and hugged me again. "I'm not worried at all, you are going to be fine sweetie." We talked a bit more about the award and the new be benefit programs I was organizing before Maren said goodbye. Before I knew it Jules was texting me asking if I was ready for lunch. 

We met up at small Indian restaurant we always have lunch at on Thursdays. She whistled appreciatively when I sat down. "Damn girl you look hot!" She touched my arm and pretended her finger was burned. "I was just in the mood." She just nodded and picked up her menu but I could see the suspicion in her eyes. While we were waiting for our food I told her about the award and invited her come with me to L.A. It was her favourite city so she was pretty excited. Our food arrived and we dug in. I could feel her sneaking looks at me all throughout the meal. We were almost done eating when she put her fork down. "So who's the guy?"


	7. Choke

I was in mid chew and nearly choked when she spoke. "What are you talking about?" I tried to keep my face calm and emotionless but I immediately started to blush furiously. "Please bitch. You should have seen your face when you walked in. I haven't seen you look like that since Andy Johnson asked you out in the seventh grade." Crap. I was such a terrible liar that I could never keep anything a secret form her. "You suck. Ok fine but it's not a big deal I've only talked to him twice and it wasn't exactly us running through a field of flowers." I told her about the coffee shop and my muddy face plant, lifting my bangs to show her my now nasty colored bruise. "You could at least try to not laugh in my face." I told her with a scowl. "I'm sorry B, that's just too much. So... Has he asked you out?" "Of course not, I just met him yesterday. Besides he's way too hot to be interested in me." She frowned at me. "Did you look in the mirror before you left the house, you look smokin hot!" I just rolled my eyes at her. "Whatever, the last time I saw him I looked like a drowned rat and he was all knight-in-shining perfection." She copied my action and rolled her eyes.

We finished up and headed out, I still had a few hours of work left. "I'll talk to you later J, thanks for lunch." I told her giving her a quick peck on the cheek. "Love you B" She got into her car and started it, Beyoncé blaring from the stereo. Right before she drove off she all but screamed out the window. "Hey B! The next time you see him dust off your lady balls and ask him out." She drove off leaving me standing on the sidewalk. The worst part was how I much I hoped I would see him again.

The rest of the day was pretty quiet now that the big boss wasn't in the office and I finished up early. The weather was actually pretty nice when I stepped outside so I took off my coat and slung it over my arm for the walk home.


	8. Gold flecks and a spark

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jared's POV

~ Jared's POV ~   
1 day earlier 

I was starting to get a headache just thinking about my schedule for the coming week. I drove downtown making a list in my head of everything I had to do. Filming on location for the next week, a few interviews for the show and a benefit party for Misha's charity. I stopped to grab some dry cleaning and noticed a coffee shop across the street so I hung the suit in the backseat and headed across the street. 

It was a small shop with a few tables set up outside and was surprised to see a girl sitting at one of the tables considering the chill in the air. She was bent over the table concentrating on something when I walked up to the shop. I was about to head inside when I noticed she was sketching a picture of a car. I got closer and was surprised to see it was my car she was drawing. The sketch was incredible the way she had captured the light and shadows. She looked up when I cast a shadow over the table. She jumped a bit and I felt like ass for scaring her. She continued to stare at me with her mouth open and I got worried for a second. I asked her if she was alright and she turned bright red and looked down. She turned her face back up to me but I noticed that she wouldn't look me in the eyes. "I didn't mean to scare you I just saw the drawing. It's really good." I said and smiled. She looked back up and I was stunned at the colour of her eyes and how much emotion they held. They were this deep brown with flecks of gold and I felt like she could see right through me. She quickly looked everywhere but at me an I couldn't stop myself from wishing she would. "Yeah, sorry. I'm fine, you just startled me is all." She blurted out. I smiled trying to reassure her I wasn't some nutcase. "I didn't mean to scare you, I just saw the drawing. It's really good." I said trying to keep my voice even. I was embarrassed by how much she was affecting my ability to think straight. She said something so low I didn't understand and nodded giving me a tentative smile. I felt like I'd been punched in the stomach and I couldn't breathe. I somehow managed to nod and say something in response before I turned and made a beeline inside. 

Real smooth Jared I thought to myself with a laugh. I ordered a coffee and tried to force myself to relax. I felt like an idiot and struggled to think of something to say to her. The young woman behind the counter looked nervous and asked me for my autograph after handing me the coffee. I smiled and signed something for her and tried to pay attention to what she was saying but I couldn't stop thinking about the girl outside. I thanked the girl for the coffee and turned to head outside just in time see papers and notebooks flying through the air. 

The girl from the table was standing there looking defeated. She let out this strangled sound of defeat and bent to gather her things. I couldn't help the soft laugh that flew out of my mouth and she turned and gave me a glare that's looked so wrong on her lovely face. My face went blank and I felt so stupid. Way to go asshole, make things worse. I hurried to help her setting my drink on the table. I bent down and started gathering up the papers scattered all over the ground. While picking them up I noticed they were all drawings of different subjects. Some were of objects or scenery but there were mostly portraits. I handed her the papers and felt this spark when our skin touched. I forgot to let go for a second and she looked up at me and blushed the most beautiful colour and I had to force my brain to keep working. "Wow. These are really amazing." She looked directly at me for the first time and smiled and said thank you. Her smile made my whole body tingle in the best way. I asked her if was an artist an she let out this adorable snorting sound. "No it's just something I do to relax and pass the time." My mouth kept talking but I had no idea what I was saying. She blushed again and kept avoiding my eyes. I want to keep talking to her but I had to be on set in 20 minutes. She seemed anxious to leave and thanked me again. She turned and began waking away while I stood there like a moron. 

I had to say something, anything. I called out to her and introduced myself extending my hand. She turned back and took my hand and I felt that same spark go through me. "Bree" she simply said. I tried to redeem myself and be charming and smiled. "It's nice to me you Bree." She smiled at me again and said goodbye. I picked up my coffee and watched her walk away in a hurry.   
Reaching my car I turned to watch her walking down the sidewalk. Right before she turned the corner she turned her head and looked back at me. Not wanting to be caught watching her like a total stalker I quickly turned my face and pulled the door open. I sat there for a few minutes feeling dazed until I remembered I had to go to work.


	9. Feeling normal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jared's POV

I double checked the directions they gave me to the location we were shooting at for the week and tried to focus on the scenes we were going to be doing. As hard as I tried to focus on work I kept getting distracted picturing Bree's eyes staring into mine.

I found the neighbourhood without too much trouble. It was mostly residential with brownstone type apartments over small specialty shops. It was very quiet and peaceful with beautiful trees lining the sidewalks. I pulled up was directed to park behind one of the production trucks. Stepping out into the crisp October air I looked around a bit more. There weren't many people around but those that were were strolling casually down the sidewalks or sitting on their front steps with steaming mugs, chatting with their friends or neighbours and I couldn't help but feel bad for disrupting these peoples lives. Spending so many hours cooped inside I knew just how loud and chaotic a film crew could be outside of a studio. 

I walked around the set for a bit saying hello to the crew and some of the other cast before poking my head into the small trailer set up for makeup and wardrobe. Jensen was already there getting his hair done and laughing with Sarah our hair stylist. "Hey guys, sorry if I'm late, I went the wrong direction down 5th street." I don't know why I lied but it was easier than saying I'm late because I was almost stalking a girl I just met. "Dude, your car has a GPS built into the console." Jensen said with a snicker. "Oh right, I guess I forgot." He just looked at me like I was crazy and sat back in the chair and closed his eyes. I grabbed the bundle of hangars with my name and went behind the curtain set up on one side of the trailer. Emerging in "Sam" clothes I sat in the chair beside Jensen so our make up artist Liz could work her magic. Once I was done Sarah switched places with Liz and started on my hair. Once we were all set we headed out and got started. 

We were able to get a lot of good shots before it started raining and the director decided we should take a break for dinner. There was a tiny pizza place across the street so I ran over and ducked in before I could even get damp. You could just tell the same family had owned the place for generations and the pizza was so good it wasn't hard to believe. I finished eating and stepped back outside ready to run for it when I noticed the crew had left cables all over the sidewalk. Just as I was about to yell across the street about the cables when someone waking passed me tripped and landed facedown on the pavement. 

I rushed over to see if they were okay and stuck my hand out to help the person up. "Are you alright?" I asked feeling terrible. We weren't even here 8 hours and someone had gotten hurt. "Yeah I'm ok, I just tripped on..." I was shocked when the person looked up and I found myself looking into those beautiful brown and gold eyes. 

Her eyes went wide and she flushed that same rosy colour as earlier today. She took my hand and I helped her stand up unable to contain my joy at seeing her again. Trying to lighten the mood and not make her feel embarrassed I smiled at her. "We have to stop meeting like this." She looked so irritated it kind of threw me. "Believe me I hope it's the last time." She muttered. I tried not to feel hurt but I'm sure my expression showed it. Almost as soon as she was finished speaking a look of horror came across her face and she started talking rapidly. "N-no I didn't mean, I meant you always finding me on my knees. I mean- oh my god." I burst out laughing at what she said and immediately felt my joy return. "It's okay I know what you mean. I'm so sorry about the equipment I'll let someone know so they clear the sidewalk." She looked it bit surprised and looked around at the trucks and equipment. "You're working on this thing?" I could tell she was being completely honest and had no clue that I was an actor. I chuckled a bit and loved the feeling of just being normal. "Yeah we're here for a week filming." She was a mess, soaked to the bone and her hair was stuck to her face but I didn't think she could look more adorable. I could see a spot of colour near her temple. Without even thinking I stepped forwards and brushed her hair back to examine the bruise just starting to form. I heard her breath hitch and hoped I wasn't imagining the affect I seem to have on her. She assured me that she was fine and just needed to shower and sleep. I wonder if- "Jared! We need you on set!" I heard the director yell from across the street. I turned my head to scowl at no one in particular. Dammit. I tried to hold back my disappointment so I didn't look desperate. "I gotta get back to work." She looked around like she just realized where she was. "Yeah I should get home." I told her to be careful and turned before she could see how much I wanted to stay right there with her. As I walked across the street I figured what the hell. She was halfway up the steps when I called out to her. "By the way it was nice to see you again Bree." It was too dark to see her clearly but she gave me a small wave and I think she was smiling. I turned and ducked behind the trailer and and felt myself grinning like idiot but I didn't care. My voice was screaming in my head. She lives across the damn street and I'll get to see her everyday. I went back to the set and Jensen and Misha looked at me then at each other. "Jared man what the hell"s wrong with you. You look like you just saw the sun for the first time." I just laughed. Because that's exactly how I felt.


	10. Impressive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bree's POV

~ Bree POV ~ Thursday Oct. 29th

The weather was warm compared to the last week or so and it felt great to be outside with nothing in particular to do. I took my time waking home at a leisurely pace and thought over what Maren and I had discussed earlier and of course started to worry. At the the time I had agreed because I couldn't think of anymore excuses but now I could think of a thousand things that could (and probably would) go wrong. Based on the events of the last two days alone I was freaking out. I pictured myself in some ridiculous gown falling on my face while surrounded by elegant people laughing at me. I would trip on the way to the podium or say the wrong thing or freeze and start blabbering out random words. Oh god. This is gonna be a nightmare. Like I need more crap to worry about right now. 

Screw it I thought and popped into the closest liquor store. I wasn't really a big drinker but whatever I'm an adult I thought childishly. Grabbing a 6 pack of my favourite beer (Kilkenny Irish Cream Ale) and headed for home. When I was a couple blocks away I heard what sounded like firecrackers. Huh. I know it's close to Halloween but jeez. Turning the corner I could hear people yelling and more loud pops. I also noticed a bunch of my neighbours sitting in little groups on the apartment stoops. It was almost funny the way everyone was staring in the same direction, mouth open. I looked over and sighed. Those damn TV people again, don't they have studios for this. I mean people on this street have babies and shit. The biggest cluster of people were gathered in front of my steps and waved me over as I got close. "Bree check it out" someone said. "Seriously people. You guys have nothing better to do." I replied with a laugh. The made a space for me on the steps and motioned for me to sit with a collective shush. Meh. Ironically I realized that I did in fact have nothing better to do. I sat down and gave myself a mental high five for remembering to cross my legs. Why did I wear a dress again?  

I followed everyone's gaze and turned my attention to the scene across the street. They were obviously filming as there were people scrambling around moving lights and placing props. Someone yelled action and as much as I hated to admit it I was soon just as mesmerized as everyone one else. Two guys ran up the alley into view and started to fake fight. There was almost a gracefulness to it, like a finely choreographed dance. I soon realized there's was no magic to it at all as they proceeded to do the same actions eight times. Thanks to the insane lights everywhere and the fact that they were right across the street I could see everything pretty clearly. One of the men was about 6 feet tall and so attractive he was almost pretty. He had short hair somewhere between blonde and light brown and a fit, solid build. I'll admit he was smokin hot but a little too pretty for my tastes. I remembered that Jules watches this show and no doubt looses her mind over this guy. She always been into those pretty Jared Leto type guys. 

Eventually they seemed to be moving on to something else and started moving all the equipment around. It didn't look like anything else interesting was gonna happen so the people watching gave up and started making their way home. Now that I was alone I opened a beer and just relaxed on the stoop letting my mind wander. The Pretty boy sat down and played around on his phone for a bit before a man sat down next to him and started chatting. The other man was a bit shorter with black hair and was attractive in a GBF sort of way. He was wearing a dishevelled looking trench coat over a suit which seemed odd so I figured he was another actor on the show. I sipped on my beer and leaned back against the side railing just enjoying the sun on my face. The wind picked up a bit ruffling the nearby trees, making my hair fly around my face. I leaned my head back and closed my eyes, happy in this moment to just enjoy the feel of the wind in my hair. I heard deep laughter across the street and opened my eyes to see the same two men still sitting there gesturing and laughing loudly. I smiled and closed my eyes again content to just sip my beer and enjoy the weather.

A deep voice suddenly called out pulling me from my reverie."Jared, you gotta see this." My eyes snapped open and darted across the street. He appeared from behind a corner and stopped to talked with his friends. Pretty boy showed him something on his phone and they all started laughing again. My eyes raked over him appreciatively and I was in complete awe of this beautiful man. My god, how are you even real. He was wearing worn jeans and a plaid button down and his hair was loose and falling in his eyes. He kept running his hands through his hair and my body reacted with this slow heat building low in my stomach. I knew if he looked up he would see me so I tried to relax my tense posture. 

Almost like heard my thoughts he glanced up for a second and back to his friends. He head snapped back to me so fast it made my neck hurt. I burst out laughing at the expression on his face and he gave a embarrassed smile. All the nervousness I felt before seem to evaporate and I gave him a small wave. He whispered something to his friends and headed in my direction. His friends looked confused when he abruptly walked away and turned to look where he was going. Pretty boy's eyes went wide and he nudged the other guy and they both started grinning like hyenas. He turned back to them for a second before coming to a stop in front of me. 

He was always so relaxed and at ease. I was jealous of how chill he was though I was surprised at how different I felt compared to the last couple times I has seen him. I was completely relaxed and comfortable in his presence. "Impressive." I said to him nodding towards the set. He chuckled. "It's really not, shooting on location is a nightmare. Everything takes twice as long to film. Plus I hate that we're getting in the way of the people that live here." He looked genuinely displeased at the idea. "I'll admit when I got the notice that you guys were filming here I wasn't exactly happy about it. But hey it hasn't been that bad so far and I got to watch them do a cool fight scene." I said gesturing to Pretty boy. "And it only took about a hour and a half to do one scene." He laughed and his nose crinkled up in the cutest way. "Is it ok that you're here, I don't want you to get in trouble for ditching work." He just smiled. "No they won't need me for a while." He gestured across the street. "That's Jensen and in the trench coat is Misha." I snickered and looked down embarrassed at what I had been calling them in my head. He noticed the look on my face. "What?" I leaned closer to him and whispered "I made up names for them but you can't tell them ok." He sat down on the step below me and looked really serious. "I cross my heart." He made a crossing motion across his chest and I giggled. "Ok Jensen, for obvious reasons I call Pretty boy." He started laughing so hard he was bent over. "And Misha?" He asked between laughs. I paused, after all I didn't want to offend him or anything. "I swear it can't possibly be worse than everything we've called him." He assured me. "Ok fine, GBF." He looked confused. "Umm. Gay best friend." I explained. He looked over towards where the guys were sitting and burst out laughing. They stared over at him like he was nuts. "Oh my god, that's awesome." He said wiping tears from his eyes. "I have to tell them that." I felt horrified. "Hey you promised."

We talked for what seemed like hours until it started to get dark. He asked me about the neighbourhood and told me how much he liked the area. He asked me how long I've lived hear and if I liked it. 

Eventually I heard someone call out for him. "I guess that's your cue." He looked disappointed again. "Yeah I should..." He motioned to the set. "Well I guess I'll see you." I made to stand up and in true gentlemanly fashion offered me his hand. "Thank you Jared." His face brightened and he smiled widely. He continued standing there and started shifting from one foot to the other. I opened my mouth to say something and he blurted out the last thing I expected him to. "Um I was wondering... I have to go to this party on Saturday. If you don't, I mean if your not busy I was wondering if maybe ... would like to go with me?" I couldn't believe he was so nervous, it was unimaginable that any straight woman alive would turn him down. Embarrassingly enough I said yes almost before he even finished talking. My voice came out in a high pitched squeak that I quickly tried to cover up with a cough. Crap. I had been doing so well. As soon as I spoke I could see the tension in his body disappear and he flashed me that blinding smile of his." Great, so I guess I'll see you later" he said turning to walk across the street. 

I turned to go up the stairs but paused and turned back towards him. He had turned back to me at the same time and we both started to  smiled like fools. "I was just going to say goodnight" I said. He looked down at his feet and almost whispered to me. "I uh, just wanted to tell you that you look really beautiful." Before I could say anything he turned and walked back to the set leaving leaving me alone, my heart pounding. I'm pretty sure that I floated up the stairs that night.


	11. Static

I couldn't sleep. My mind just would not shut up, and it flew from one thing to another so fast I couldn't think the first thing through. I wondered why he asked me out and why he was so nervous and and what I would wear to work tomorrow. By the time I drifted off I was thinking about male seahorses. Damn you Wikipedia. 

Ugh. I don't think I've ever hated my alarm clock anymore than I did now. I felt like crap and the bags under my eyes proved it. I decided on a normal black pantsuit now that my weird mood from yesterday had faded and threw my hair up in a bun. I didn't usually wear makeup everyday but it would just be cruel to inflict my dark circles on innocent people. I was running a bit late so I decided to wear flats so I could speed walk (as if that's an actual sport). Making it by the skin of my teeth I sneakily slid past the empty front desk into my office and finally took a deep breath. I actually felt a little ridiculous for getting so worked up about being five minutes late when no one was around to reprimand me. I had this irrational fear of letting people down and felt super guilty for the littlest things. I sifted through my usual emails and messages too quickly and begrudgingly started ironing out some of the details for that stupid awards party. I groaned loud enough that Brit poked her head into my office. 

"Everything ok hun?" "Yeah it's just this awards thing, I really don't wanna go." She looked at me like I had grown another set of eyes or something. "Are you crazy, I would kill to go to that party." I laughed and rolled my eyes. "It's gonna be so fancy and you get to wear a fabulous dress and go in a limo. Plus these parties are a really big deal with celebrities, oh my god I wonder who's gonna be there." She looked so excited I couldn't help but giggle a little. "If it makes you feel any better I wish it was you going so I could stay home and eat cake in my onesie. She laughed with her whole body but I could still see that 'your insane' look in her eyes. Yeah this party's gonna suck. 

I was starving when I got home so immediately put on some music (Chvrches) and started putting together some dinner. I was in the mood for comfort food so I was relieved that I had gotten groceries earlier in the week and had everything I needed to make a lasagna. 

I had just opened a bottle of wine and sat down to eat when my intercom buzzed. I got up to answer trying to remember if Jules said she was coming over. I hit the button and spoke into the little box. "Hello" I waited and heard a mans voice through the scratchy speaker. "Static - Um- is this-crackle. Damn piece of junk. I went to the living room and threw the window open and stuck my head out. "Hello." I called out looking down at the sidewalk. It was getting dark and there was just the low lights coming from the street lamps so I couldn't see well but a man stepped back from the door and looked up. I broke out in a cheesy grin and waved when I saw it was Jared. "Hey." He yelled up with a big smile. "What are you doing right now?" He yelled up still smiling. "I was just about to have dinner." He looked down for a second. "Oh ok I won't keep you then." He looked back up at me and looked a little sad. "Um do you- I mean are you hungry?" What was I doing inviting a (almost) complete stranger into my home. He broke out in another cheeky grin and just nodded. I popped back inside and stood there for a second shaking my head. 

I went over to the intercom and pressed the button to open the door downstairs. Oh my god. I whirled around and frantically starting searching my apartment for anything embarrassing. Whew. I was thanking the stars that I had straightened things up the day before. I heard a soft knock on my door and took a deep breath and tried to pull myself together. I tried to look casual and relaxed as I opened the door but my heart was pounding so hard I was worried he would hear it. Bracing myself I opened the door.


	12. Are you hungry?

Holy crap. I swear no matter how many times I saw him he still took my breath away. I opened the door and wow. He was just standing there all his ridiculously perfect perfectness. "Hey" I said when I regained my ability to speak. He looked me up and down and laughed softy. Confused I looked down at myself and my mouth popped open in horror. Of course I would be wearing ratty pajamas covered in teddy bears instead of something from Victoria's Secret like a grownup. I blushed and he just shook his head and laughed again. "You look adorable." I rolled my eyes. "Oh shut up, I wasn't exactly expecting guests."

I realized he was still standing the doorway and felt rude. "I'm so sorry, please come in." I moved some books off the other chair at the table and motioned for him to sit. He closed the door behind him and took off his coat and I noticed he was wearing a simple dark grey v-neck t-shirt. I could see the outlines of his muscles perfectly and I blushed when I imagined how it would feel to run my hands over his broad chest. I quickly turned to the counter to hide my face and busied myself with grabbing a plate and glass from the cupboard. "Um, would you like a glass of wine with dinner?" I turned expecting him to be sitting at the table, but he was standing by the fridge examining the pictures I had stuck there. "Oh god don't look at those they're terrible." If I could remember correctly there were mostly pictures of me and Jules or Peter and Brady and some of the four of us from last years vacation acting like idiots. "No way these are great. You look really happy." 

I set down another plate of lasagna and a glass on the side of the table opposite me. He had to sit a bit sideways because his legs were too long to fit under my little two seat kitchen table. "So do have to go back to work later or what." I motioned to the bottle of wine in the centre of the table. "No I'm done for the day." I picked up the bottle and poured some into each glass. "I really hope you're not a vegetarian." He laughed. "I'm from Texas, I don't think they even allow non meat eaters in the state." I loved the way his laughter reached his eyes." I looked over to him and noticed I had forgotten to give him utensils. I got up and grabbed a fork and knife and placed them next to his plate along with a napkin. "Thank you, this looks delicious." He ran his hands through his hair pushing it back out of his face and l felt this heat flash across my skin. I quickly concentrated on my plate so he wouldn't catch me staring like a creeper. We ate in silence but it felt like the air was charged with electricity or something. I tried to be sneaky and kept stealing glances at him be he caught me every time and somehow managed to smile while still chewing. 

"Wow. That was seriously fantastic." I nodded and cleared my throat before speaking. "Yeah it's my moms recipe." "She must be a really good cook." I smiled sadly thinking about her. "She was." His face fell and he whispered that he was sorry. "It's ok it was a long time ago I was just a kid." I collected the dishes and put them in the sink. I didn't like thinking about that day if I could help it. He must have noticed the look on my face because he got up and came to stand next to me. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to bring up-" "No it's ok I just don't really like talking about it. Bad memories you know." I turned around to look at him trying to push the memories of my family away. "So, tell me about this party tomorrow." I went over to the table and handed him his glass motioning for him to follow me. 

We went in to the living room and sat down on the couch as he started speaking. "It's a fundraising party for Misha's charity, we've had it every year since he's been on the show. It's pretty fun." I was actually impressed. "It's really nice of him to do that. He seems like a good guy. Jared smiled. "Yeah he's great, a little nuts but great." So is it formal or what should I wear." He got this guilty look on his face. "Oh god, what?" I asked him, getting a little worried. "Im guessing that I forgot to mention that it's a costume party didn't I." "Yeah. I think you did forget to mention the most important detail. I can't- I don't have anything to wear for something like that. And I doubt I'd be able to come up with anything by tomorrow." He looked like he was concentrating hard on something and suddenly he broke out in a grin, his eyes flashing to mine. "I think I have the perfect solution." He said and stood up and grabbed my hand. "Grab your keys." Trying to ignore the fact that he was still holding my hand and started babbling. "Whoa, wha-." He just pulled my towards the front door still grinning. "You need a costume and I happen to know where to get one." I fished my keys and phone out of my bag and slipped them into my pocket. Locking the door behind me we headed down the stairs. "Dude slow down were not all giraffes." He just chuckled and continued to pull me along as we darted across the street.

It finally dawned on me where we're going and I squeezed his hand making him pause. "Um. Are you even allowed to bring me- I mean I don't want you to get in trouble for having me here." He just smiled all slyly and pulled me forwards again. "Trust me it's fine for you to be here." We got to the set and he immediately started looking around until he spotted Pretty boy. Oops. I mean Jensen. "Hey man have you seen Liv anywhere. Jensen's eyes went wide when he saw that Jared was holding my hand. I blushed and looked down. "Jensen this is Bree." I put my hand out and he shook it softly. "It's nice to meet you Bree." He said, his eyes flicking back and forth between Jared and I with an amused expression. "Jay? Seen Liv?" He nodded his head to the side. "Yeah she's in makeup." Jared pulled me to a trailer off to the side and knocked once on the door and opened it. 

There was a man in one of those hairdressers chairs getting fake blood applied to his face. The makeup artist was laughing at something he had said. "Hi Sara, you seen Liv?" She turned her head to the side and called out to someone I couldn't see. "Olivia, Jared needs you." A few seconds later a lady appeared in the doorway holding a massive amount of clothes all covered in plastic. "What's up Jare?" He smiled brightly at her. "So Bree here is coming to the party tomorrow and needs something to wear." I have her a wave and smiled an apology to her. "I thought who is the best, most awesome person I know?" He gave her the most adorably heartbreaking face. She just giggled and sighed in defeat. "Alright c'mon."


	13. Wardrobe

We followed Liv down the rows of trailers until we reached one that said 'wardrobe' on the door. She held the door open and motioned for us to go inside before following us in shutting the door behind her. There was row upon row of clothing racks with names attached, Sam, Dean and Castiel were the names I could see. "So, what are you thinking, any ideas?" I was still looking around when I realized that she was speaking to me. "Oh um, not really, I haven't done this in years." She looked me up and down for a moment. "Hmmm. Jared you're going as Thor right?" He nodded. "Yeah and Jensen is Captain America and Misha is gonna be the Hulk, Misha somehow got all the Avengers costumes in one day." He said with a laugh. Liv face brightened a bit. "All of them?" She asked Jared. Oh no. I had a sick feeling I knew where this was going. I may not own a TV but I did go to the movies. She broke out wide grin and grabbed my hand. "You stay here." She said pointing at Jared and pulled me to the back of the trailer. We ducked behind a curtain that I assumed was for people to change behind and she pulled a tape measure and little notebook and pen out of nowhere. "Arms up" she commanded and started writing down my measurements. I was embarrassed to be standing there in my pajamas and blushed lightly. "Hey Jared, Misha's got all the costumes in his trailer will you please run and grab hers." "Sure but which one." He asked. She looked at me an rolled her eyes. "The only one for a girl sweetie." I looked over the curtain at him and watched as the realization slowly hit him. He broke out in a wide smile. "Nice." He said before quickly leaving the trailer. 

Crap. Liv must have noticed my anxious expression because she gently squeezed my shoulder. "Hey don't worry honey you're gonna look great." I just couldn't picture myself be able to pull this off. "I dunno I mean that girl from the movie is insanely hot." She tilted her head to the side and smiled. "This is what I do sweetie, trust me you're going to look fabulous." I heard the door open and we both turned to see Jared walk in holding a garment bag. "Oooh gimme gimme." Liv was definitely more excited than me and not wanting to seem ungrateful I tried to be a little happier. Jared laughed and passed the garment bag over the curtain to Liv. "Thank you sweetie, now go sit." She looked at him sternly and he held his hands up in surrender. "Yes ma'am." She hung the costume on a hook and unzipped it while I stripped down to my my underwear. I tried to push down the fact that I was almost naked with Jared sitting not ten feet away from me. Liv held the costume up to me and smiled. "You know what, I don't even think I'll have to alter it. It was tight but I managed to wriggle into it and pull up the zipper in the front. I felt super self conscious and was happy the mirrors were by the front of the trailer. "Wow." Liv whistled and looked me over, instructing me to turn slowly. "I knew it, it fits you perfectly." Jared stood up and motioned for Liv to open the curtain. I panicked slightly until she laughed. "Oh no, you don't get to see her in it until tomorrow." He made a pouty face and tried to look sad. "Forget it, those puppy dog eyes don't work on me remember." She turned to me and started talking excitedly. "Ok so the party starts at 9 so I want you hear at 7:30 for hair and makeup." I gaped at her. "We don't do things halfway around here." I pulled the front zipper down and she helped me squirm out of the layers of spandex. How was it twice as hard to get off than on? 

Once I was dressed again I pulled the curtain back and we walked to where Jared was sitting and Liv pulled me into a hug. "Don't forget honey, tomorrow at 7:30 your ass better be here." I giggle and repeated Jared's words from earlier. "Yes ma'am and thank you so much." "Thanks Liv, I'll see you later." He said giving her a hug. We left the trailer and walked I across the street stopping in front of my steps. 

"You look nervous." He said looking concerned. I let out little snort. "Yeah I'd say. It just had to be spandex." He just laughed dismissively. "I'm pretty sure you're gonna look perfect after Liv gets through with you, that woman's amazing." I shook my head in disbelief until he took a few steps closer to me. He was so close I could feel the heat radiating from his body. He reached out and took a hold of my chin and tilted my face up until I was looking at him. I heard his breath hitch in his throat and he swallowed nervously. I tried to keep my breathing even as he slowly brought his face to mine. He was so tall he had to bend over awkwardly and in any other situation a would have laughed. I closed my eyes,waiting for him to touch me. A few seconds passed and nothing happened so I opened my eyes to see him just staring at me. He seemed to realize himself and let out a sort of giggle/snort. I couldn't help but laugh at our weird-almost-touching awkward pose. He leaned in and softly kissed my cheek and I blushed furiously looking at my feet. "I guess I'll get going." He whispered. "Me too." "So I'll pick up around 8:45 or so." He said nodding his head towards the set. "Ok. I'll see you tomorrow. I'll be the one in spandex." Said rolling my eyes. "I can't wait." He said before his eyes popped open and his face went red. "Um-I mean..." I just laughed. "Calm down there Thor." He blushed harder and chuckled. We said goodnight and I headed upstairs feeling giddy. 

I fell asleep thinking about spandex and trying to visualize Jared in a cape. That night I dreamt about being held tightly in someone's arms, flying through the sky.


	14. Just Relax

Work was a nightmare, I couldn't concentrate at all and more than once Brit had to practically scream at me to get my attention. "What's with you today?" She asked during lunch when I started spacing out again. I was frustrated with myself for feeling more like a teenager before prom than a grown ass woman. "I have a date tonight and truthfully I'm freaking out a little." She squealed and clapped her hands together. "Oh my god, what's his name, where are you going, how did you meet, tell me everything. Is he hot, I bet he he's hit." She said in I think a single breath. "Um his name is Jared and we're going to a Halloween party a guy from his work is throwing. Don't even get me started on how we met, it's so humiliating and yeah he is so freakishly hot its abnormal." I told her all about our costumes and she laughed at me for being scared of spandex. "No way, your gonna look so good he'll be wrapped around around your little finger." Brit always seem to have this glass half full of fine champagne air about her and I could help being a bit envious of how cool she was about everything. 

The rest of my day went by much the same as the first half and before I knew it, was six o'clock. I had just enough time for a shower and a quick dinner before I headed across the street. 

There's was an enormous man walking around with a clipboard and when he noticed me I could see his eyes narrow. He shouted and walked over to me. "Hey, you! What's your name?" I couldn't help but shrink back as he towered over me. Before I could say anything Liv appeared and walked up to us. "It's ok Cliff she's a friend of Jared and I, he's meeting her here later on." He just nodded and walked off muttering. "Jeez. He scared the crap outta me." She put her arm around my shoulder and steered me towards the same trailer as yesterday. "Don't worry about him, he's a big ole teddy bear once you get to know him."I wasn't too sure that I could see ever see him as anything other scary. 

We entered her trailer and there were two other women lounging in the chairs laughing. "Bree, this is Sarah one of our fabulous hair stylists and Liz here makes everyone look pretty." They both stood and smiled warmly and I shook their hands. "I still can't believe you guys are doing all this." Liv sat me down and waved her hand dismissively. "Sweetie it's our pleasure, besides it's nice to have another woman around here." "Yeah but from what I've seen the men around here aren't exactly hard to look at." They all laughed and nodded in agreement. "So you ready hun?" Liv asked me with her eyebrows raised. I took a deep breath decided for once to just be brave. "I'm ready, let's do this. 

For the next next hour or so we chatted while Liz did my make up and Sarah pinned my hair up before disappearing out the door. She came back a few minutes later holding box in one hand and what looked like nylon in the other. Smiling broadly she set the box on the counter and shooed me behind the curtain with Liv. The costume was a bit easier to get in this time now that I knew the best way into it. 

"Hey Liv?" I whispered. "What is it sweetie?" I tried to figure out how to word what I was thinking. "He's a good guy right?" I asked her looking away. "She smiled at me, her eyes soft. "He is, one of the best. Just relax hun. I've known him for eight years and trust me I can tell just how much he likes you." I blushed and looked away. Liv helped me put on the belt and this leg holster thing complete with a fake gun. I looked down and had to admit my boobs looked pretty awesome. I heard a knock at the door and a slight pause before it opened. 

Jared had just enough time to pop his head in before he was all but shoved back outside. "Five minutes Jare." Liv called out. I could hear him laughing through the door. Sarah motioned for me to sit back in the chair and opened the box. "One more thing and your good to go." She picked up the nylon and I saw that it was a kind of hairnet. She fitted it over my hair and tucked in a few loose strands before lifting one of those styrofoam heads out of the box. I raised my eyebrows at Sarah. "Really?" She snickered. "Hey we don't do things halfway." I shook my head a she combed out the red shoulder length wig. She fitted it over my hair and made a few adjustments before stepping back. "There, you're all set." I stood up and went over to look at myself in the full length on the back. Wow. I had a hard time recognizing the girl in the mirror. "Oh my god. You guys are amazing!" I turned to look at the three women with my mouth hanging open. They each took turns carefully hugging me telling me how good I looked. "Really I can't thank you enough. "Have a good time sweetheart, and remember what I told you ." Liv said with a wink. I took a deep breath and opened the door see Jared talking to Mr. Scary. The big man nudged him and he turned around and his mouth fell open.


	15. The Dream

Jared's POV - Thurs. Oct. 29th

~ I was staring down into her eyes when she suddenly pulled her bottom lip between her teeth. I could feel myself twitch and tried to be casual as I shifted my stance. She blushed and it's like I could feel the heat spreading throughout my own body. I reached my hand out to help her up and she placed her small hand in mine. I pulled her to her feet and noticed that she didn't remove her hand from my grasp. I stepped closer to her and brushed her hair back from her face. She let out a shiver and pressed her body up against mine, her breasts squashed against my chest. My other hand slid around her waist to the small of her back and pulled her tighter against me. He closed her eyes and tilted her head back as I bent over her pressing my lips to hers. She let out a soft moan and slid her tongue against my lips and I groaned into her kiss. She used her free hand to scratch her nails across my chest and felt myself grow harder against her.~ 

I awoke with a slight jump at my alarm clock blaring beside my bed. I groaned and shut it off before laying back down. I realized I was covered in a thin sheet of sweat as the details of my dream started coming back to me. I looked down at myself and felt slightly embarrassed even though I was alone. Man, what was this girl doing to me. 

I got to the set early even though they didn't need for another hour or so. I couldn't even lie to myself anymore, I was hoping to catch a glimpse of her. I picked a seat with a view of her steps across the street and took out my script pages to make sure I had them down. 

After a few minutes of ignoring the pages in my hands Jensen walked over and sat next to me. He looked at me with a smirk. I kept trying not to see him staring at me but I knew he wouldn't quit. "Dude, what." I finally asked him. "Don't 'Dude, what' me. I know that look man." He said mockingly. The real pain in the ass of knowing someone for so long is that they saw through your bullshit. "C'mon man gimme a break." He shook his head. "Uh uh, no way. You met a girl." I sighed and dropped my shoulders in defeat. Dammit. "Ok fine I met a girl." He broke into that stupid grin of his. "So..." He cocked his head to the side waiting. "So what's her name, where'd you meet her?" I quickly told him about the coffee shop and the tripping incident, leaving out my stalkerish behaviour. "Wait she lives right there!" He gestured towards her steps. I just nodded and her started laughing. "Man one day and your already staking out her place, I gotta see this girl." I scowled at him and got up. "Shut up." I muttered at him and stomped off towards Liv's trailer. I could still hear him cackling like an idiot as I turned the corner. Asshole. 

Jensen had finished shooting his coverage and was lounging around waiting for Misha and I to wrap up (of course he picked the same stalker spot I had earlier). Once we finished I ducked into my trailer to change and grab my stuff. I couldn't help thinking about what Liv and I talked about over lunch. We had always got along really well and she was such a caring person you almost couldn't help but open up to her. I was always telling her she should've been a shrink. "Well from my experience, girls only get all weird like that when they're nervous. And if she's nervous around you it means your the one making her nervous which means-." "Ok Liv I think I get what you're saying." I cut her off. "She doesn't know what I do. She thinks I'm part of the crew." Liv's eyes opened wide. "That's a new one." I stared off for a second. "It-it makes me feel normal, I know I just met her but, but it feels like maybe I've finally found someone who could like me for me, not all this." I said gesturing to the lights and equipment. "Sweetie, I doubt anyone that got to know you couldn't help but like you for you." She said and reached over to squeeze my hand. "You know what I mean, the money and the fame." I made quotation marks in the air. "If that's the first thing a person sees about you, then they don't deserve the rest." I gave her a giant hug and kissed her forehead. "See you totally should have been a shrink. Or a self help guru." She laughed and headed towards the wardrobe trailer. "Yeah yeah. I'll see you later Jare."

I was still thinking about everything Liv said when I left my trailer and headed to were Misha was laughing at something on Jensen's phone. "Jared, you gotta see this." Jensen said when he saw me. I walked over and set my bag down next to his chair and he tilted his phone so I could see what they were laughing at.  
Someone had posted a video online of Misha as a cartoon unicorn. It perfectly captured all of His natural weirdness and I couldn't help join them in laughing. 

Almost unconsciously I lifted my head to glance across the street before looking back to the video. Embarrassingly enough my head snapped back when I saw that Bree was sitting on front steps. I felt my face get hot but I gave her a smile and turned back to tell Jensen and Misha I would be back. As I walked towards her I could hear them whispering behind me so I turned and mouthed for them to shut up which of course just made it worse. She looked amazing. She was wearing this fitted grey dress that hugged her curves beautifully and her hair was down swirling around her from the wind. I'd never wanted a woman more in my life than in that moment.


	16. Lucky Bitch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jared/Bree POV

Jared's POV - Sat. Oct 31st

 

I drove to the set with butterflies in my stomach. I mean I know we technically had dinner together already but this was our first real date. I got there a bit early so I had time to put on my costume before I had to meet Bree. I was sitting in Misha's trailer with him and Jensen after we all got ready and were just hanging out talking. Mostly about me. Yay. "Soooo first date, you a bit nervous?" Jensen said with a grin. "Nah." I replied casually but too quickly to sound genuine. Jensen and Misha shared a look. "Listen man, we're your friends, you can be straight with us." Misha said softly. "I know. I don't know what's wrong with me. She makes me feel like I'm fifteen or something." I looked down almost ashamed of myself for sounding so pathetic. "That's a good thing man, it means you actually like her, and from what you've told us it sounds like she feels the same about you. Plus she's smokin hot." Jensen said in typical Jensen fashion. I eventually admitted to them that I was nervous as hell and between some kind words and more than a few jokes at my expense I was finally able to relax a little. 

It was around 8:30 or so when I made my way to Liv's trailer and knocked softly before sticking my head in. Sarah automatically threw her hands up and shooed me out with a "tsk tsk." I heard Liv call out to me from behind the door. "Five minutes Jare." I was trying not to pout when Cliff walked over dressed like a caveman. "Nice club." I told him with a laugh. "It's bigger than your puny hammer." He said motioning to the styrofoam prop hanging from my wrist. We were still laughing and chatting away when Cliff nudged my arm and nodded his head towards the trailer behind me. I turned around and couldn't stop my mouth from falling open. Standing before me all spandex and pouty lips was a perfect version of Black Widow. 

"Wow!" I said when I remembered how to speak. "You look..." I trailed off not figuring out the words. She blushed that perfect shade I pink and I went back to staring. "You too" She simply said. Jensen and Misha arrived with few others and Cliff started to take a head count for I assume transportation purposes. "Ok so Jared and Jensen with me and Misha, Mark and Rob with Adams" he said with his usual gruffness. I raised my hand to Bree to help her down the stairs and winded my fingers through hers, she looked down at our hands and smiled as we followed the others to the line of SUVs by the alley. It took a while for everyone to get situated due to various costume issues but we eventually we were all able to squeeze in. 

Misha had been throwing this party every year for the last 6 years and it kept getting better. We pulled up to the venue and the doors were opened to reveal a red carpet and photographers lining the velvet ropes set up leading to the front doors. I looked over to Bree and her eyes were wide and she looked terrified. I squeezed her hand and rubbed little circles into her palm with my thumb. I could tell she wasn't comfortable with the flashes at all. "It's ok, just look down on the way in and I won't let you fall." 

Bree POV

Holy Crap. When I was texting with Jules earlier and mentioned I had a date to a Halloween party I wasn't expecting this. We were at the Level for crying out loud (a fancy venue downtown). Someone opened the SUV door and I was immediately blinded by the flashes of cameras. I looked at Jared in a panic but he just tightened his hold on my hand and rubbed soothing circles into my palm. "It's ok, just look down on the way in and I won't let you fall." I was scared shitless but not wanting to be a coward I just nodded and tried to look brave. He let go of my hand to get out and immediately held his hand back out to me. Keeping my head down I tried to step onto the sidewalk as gracefully as possible. As soon as I was standing upright he put his other arm around my waist and all but carried me towards the doors and quickly ducked us inside. Once we were safely inside he withdrew his grip on my waist but kept his fingers interlaced with mine. 

"Holy shit" I whispered breathlessly. "Is that normal." He looked me over and relaxed when he heard me swearing. "For this party yeah, Misha invites a lot of big names because it means more donations and the press always get wind of it." I was starting to freak out again. "Will they be taking pictures in here.?" I motioned around to the party. "No. It's a private event so security will keep them out." I shook my head. "How do they put up with it. I think it's horrible to be hounded like that." I nodded towards Jensen and Misha who were leaning on the bar. Jared looked a little uncomfortable and shifted around slightly. "It's a lot better in Canada than back home. More laid back." He looked around a bit before motioning to the bar. "So can I get you a drink?" 

I was having a blast. Jared introduced me to so many great people and everyone was really nice. There was a silent auction and they raised a ton of money for Misha's charity Random Act which I was really happy about knowing about the organization from work. There were tables of food everywhere and great music. They played a lot of Pearl Jam, Radiohead and there was even a live band that Jared introduced me to. It turned out that one of the men in the band was also an actor on the show. 

On a more irritating note it took me about 15 minutes just to use the bathroom. When I was finally all zipped up and ready to head back I stopped to wash my hands and check my makeup in the wall sized mirror above the sinks.  
"Hi" I turned to see a beautiful blond dressed as Jessica Rabbit walking up to the counter. "Hi. I love your costume." She was every mans fantasy made flesh and I automatically felt like a little girl playing dress up. "So you're here with Jared right? He's quite the catch" She said pointedly. I was caught off guard and sort of blinked a few times. "Um, yeah he's really nice." She fixed her lipstick and ran her fingers through her hair. "You're so lucky. He so hot." I was shocked at her rudeness and just mumbled in agreement before excusing myself. On the way out the door I could have sworn I heard her whisper "Lucky bitch". What the hell was that. I felt like I had been time warped back to high school by her bitchiness. 

I looked around and all thoughts of the blond melted away when I spotted Jared leaning against a table talking to Misha. He really was the perfect Thor, tall and broad chested with flowing hair. He was just so strongly built it was ridiculous. The way he ran his hands through his hair while he smiled made me shiver and start to imagine very unladylike things. I tried let my blush fade a little before walking over to him. He turned to look at me and when his eyes met mine it felt like we were the only people in the room. I heard the music change to a slow song and he took my hand pulled me closer. I stared up at him for a moment before wrapping my arms around him and pressing my face to his chest. I felt so safe and warm in his arms I would probably be content to stay there all night. He brought his hand up to my cheek and I turned my face upwards. He traced his thumb along my jaw and I couldn't help but close my eyes. He slowly leaned down and pressed his lips to mine. Without thinking I tightened my arms around him and started to deepen the kiss before I remembered we were a room filled with people. I pulled back and I'm pretty sure my face was actually on fire. He just chuckled softly and kissed me again lightly before pulling back. I looked around to see if anyone was watching but thankfully everyone seem absorbed in conversations or dancing. He pulled my back into his arms and we swayed to the music. When the song ended we parted and he continued to hold my hand. The guy from the band I had met, Rob stepped to the mic and the lights went up a bit. I saw Misha and Jensen walk up and stop next to us. 

"Ladies and gentlemen, on behalf of Mr. Misha Collins, I would like to thank you so much for coming out tonight for such a great cause. Thanks to your generosity we have managed to raise over $100,000 thousand dollars for Random Acts!" Cheers and applause erupted around the room. He raised his arms in the universal sign for quiet down. "Now, on another very serious note. The results are in. This years best costume award goes to... The Avengers." I froze and Jared wrapped his arm around my waist again. Of course someone trained one of the stage lights in our direction. While I did my best to hide behind Jared, Jensen and Misha were bowing and fake Miss America crying. As horrified as I was at being stared at couldn't stop myself from laughing.


	17. Vanilla and Cloves

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bree/ Jared POV

Eventually the party started to wind down and we decided to leave. We said our goodbyes and I ended up being hugged by more people than I could count. There weren't as many photographers outside as earlier so I was able to walk out on my own. Regardless I still kept my face down as Jared led me by the hand out to the waiting car, though there were still some flashes I wasn't blinded like before. Jensen had left a bit earlier so we were alone in the backseat while Cliff drove to my apartment. We didn't talk but kept sneaking glances at each other. I really didn't want to say goodbye yet but I also didn't want to appear needy. Cliff dropped us off in front on my apartment and we stood there in that awkward post date silence. "I had a really good time tonight, thank you." I took a small step closer I him. "Me too, more fun than I've had in while actually." He shifted a little closer until we were almost touching. 

I thought about everything that had happened between us so far and what Liv had said about him an decided to just trust my feelings and go with it. I closed the space between us and reached up to wrap my hand around the back of his neck and pulled his face down to mine. He seemed surprised as I pressed my lips to his tentatively. I kissed him softly at first but something inside me seemed to snap when he wrapped his arms around me. I pressed up against him and traced his bottom lip with my tongue. He made this sound deep in his throat that was almost a growl and my whole body seemed to ignite. His arms tightened around me and I parted my lips and kissed him with a hunger I've never felt before. 

We pulled apart panting and gasping for air. Our eyes met and we both started smiling until we broke out in laughter. "Wow... I uh-" "That was.." We spoke at the same time. I looked down and fidgeted with my belt. "Do you wanna come in for a bit." His face went blank and his eyes widened. I let out a very girly giggle at his expression. "Calm down there tiger. I mean for a cup of coffee." His face went red. "Yeah that would be great." 

~ Jared's POV ~

I didn't want to say goodbye to her so was thrilled that she invited me in. Trying to will my heart to slow down I followed her up the steps and inside. She excused her self to change and I took a seat in the living room to wait for her. I was able to take off most of my costume except for the chest piece that did up in the back. I was just grateful I had been able to wear regular clothes underneath. I looked around the apartment and saw that one entire wall was taken up by shelving covered in books, records and picture frames. I walked over and started scanning the titles, there was everything from Shakespeare to biology texts. I picked up one the frames and examined the picture. Bree looked to be about 12 and was sitting atop a horse smiling with a man and women I assumed were here parent standing beside her. I looked at the other pictures she had spaced out randomly. Some were from around the same age and there were more from when she was older. There was a shot of her on the beach with a group of people in a homemade frame covered in seashells and one of her and a blonde girl sitting on a camel. I picked up the picture and still looking at it when she walked into the living room. 

"I don't know how people wear wigs all the time." She had both hands in her hair and was rubbing her scalp. "Hey, come here and turn around, that can't be comfortable." She motioned to the price of costume I still had on. I put the picture back and walked over to her and turned facing away from her. With the lightest touches she undid the snaps and ties of the costumes and helped me slide it off. Her fingers grazed my arms and and I was glad she couldn't see my face. I turned back to her and saw she was wearing sweatpants and a faded U of BC tee and her hair was loose around her face. She had never looked more beautiful. 

"You are not aloud to make fun of me, that costume was tight as hell." She said with a smirk. I walked over to her and brushed a strand of hair behind her ear. "You look perfect." She blushed and looked away. "Hey" I whispered and turned her face back to mine. To my surprise she was smirking at me. "That's ridiculously untrue, sweet but ridiculous." I stood there for a few seconds in awe before she pulled me toward the kitchen. I sat at the table and watched as she flitted around the room making coffee. "Cream and sugar?" She asked. "Sure". She had a light step and I noticed she tended to walk on the front of feet. She handed me a cup and we went back into the living room and sat on the couch. I broke the silence first. "I just realized that I know almost nothing about you?" She took a sip of coffee and thought for a moment. "There's not really much to know, I'm pretty boring." She set her mug on the table beside her. "I highly doubt that." I motioned to the picture of her on the camel. She laughed. "Oh my god. Jules forced me to do that. Trust me I was terrified of getting spit on." Her face was bright and she was gesturing wildly as she recounted stories of the places she'd visited. 

I studied her features, the way her eyes lit up when she talked about her friends and how her nose scrunched up when she told me about trying eel during a trip to Japan. She had a heart shaped face with big doe eyes. Her nose was straight and turned up the tiniest bit at the tip. And I couldn't stop looking at her mouth. Her top lip a perfect match of the bottom and this perfect rosy peach colour. She told me about her job and was so passionate about it about I could tell it was something she loved. I was in awe of this beautiful creature before me. I wanted to make her smile and laugh and protect her sweetness from all the bad in this world. The realization hit me like a sack of bricks. I had only met her a few days ago but I was completely enraptured by her.  
She must have noticed my shiver because she dragged a beat up knit blanket off the back of the couch and threw it over us. She smiled and leaned her head back against the couch. Her eyes were heavy and she yawned. "I should let you get to sleep" I stood and picked up the empty mugs. "Can I use your bathroom before I go." I asked. "Of course." She replied with another yawn which made me start as well. She laughed and I took the mugs to the kitchen and put them in sink before heading to the bathroom. I was still yawning when I got back to the living room. Her eyes were half closed so I walked over and kissed the top of her head. "Hey, come here" she said sleepily. She pulled her arm from under the blanket and patted the couch beside her. I sat down and she wrapped her arm around me and pulled me closer. I kissed her lightly before resting my forehead against hers. He eyes slid closed and she kept her arm around me. I closed my eyes and just breathed in her scent. It was like vanilla mixed with cloves. My eyes refused to open and I felt myself drifting off to feel of her heart beating beside me.


	18. Morning and Darkness

~ Bree POV ~ Sunday Nov. 1st

I woke up sweating. Why the hell was it so hot. I shifted a bit and froze when I felt a body pressed against me. I cautiously opened my eyes and they immediately widened. I was laying on my living room couch curled around Jared. 

Holy crap. I remembered being tired while we were talking but not falling asleep. We were both fully clothed so my panic quickly subsided, instead my eyes crawled over his face, drinking in his breathtaking features. His jaw was chiseled and strong with a hint of stubble. His nose was straight and long but fit his face perfectly. I tentatively lifted my hand to his face and traced his bottom lip with my thumb. He stirred and opened his eyes. I froze until his face lit up into a blinding smile. I let my body relax into him and pressed my face into his chest. He tightened his arms around me and whispered 'good morning' into my hair. I raised my head to look at him and desperately hoped my breath wasn't horrible. He let out a quiet chuckle. "What?" His eyebrows scrunched together as he liked very serious. "Looks like you got to sleep with you on the first date after all." I rolled my eyes at him and he just buried his face in my hair. 

"As comfortable as it is to share a couch with a giant, I'm way too hot." He laughed again and whispered in my ear. "Yeah, you are." I playfully smacked his arm while disentangled himself from me. He stretched his arms over his head and I could see a peek of hard stomach right above his jeans. My god. I blushed and quickly turned my face. I got up and stretched the stiffness in my neck. "Coffee." I asked him. "Definitely." I went into the kitchen and turned on the my keurig, washing last nights mugs while the water heated up. Seeing that he had gone into the bathroom I ducked downstairs to grab the mail. I felt a creepy feeling on the back of my neck like I was being at stared at. I looked around and saw a man standing on the side walk across the street, a giant camera around his neck. It looked like he was taking pictures of the tree in front of my steps which struck me as a little odd but whatever your into right. Forgetting about him I grabbed the mail and went back upstairs. I made our coffees and brought into the living room settling back on the couch. I flipped through the usual amount of crap flyers and junk before getting to the paper. I leafed through it ignoring the usual political bull they were selling and stopped dead at the entertainment section. 

Holy fuck! On the cover of the section was a picture of Jared and I heading inside the party. My head was down and you couldn't see my face clearly but it was definitely us. I practically ripped open the paper to the section of the story and felt my stomach drop. The headline seemed to smack me in the face. "Jared Padalecki no longer a bachelor ?" I quickly scanned the article. "It looks like Supernatural's sexy leading man may finally be off the market. The actor arrived to costar Misha Collins' annual Halloween fundraiser dressed as Thor with a mystery woman at his side and our sources inside the party saw things getting hot and heavy as the pair shared a steamy kiss right  
on the dance floor. Our sources also tell us that the couple left together hand in hand at the end of the night. Sorry ladies but it looks like this sexy hunter may be taken." I felt the blood drain from my face and noticed my hands were shaking. 

I faintly heard the bathroom door open but couldn't seem to lift my gaze from the paper in my hands. "Bree? What's wrong." I finally looked at him but couldn't seem to get any words out. Instead I held the paper out to him. He took it and his face fell when he saw the article. He read it quickly and looked back to me with his eyes full of guilt. 

"Bree, I..." He sat down next to me and put his head in his hands. I felt my hands ball into fist as anger swelled in my chest. "So what, was this some big joke to you? Try to sleep with the clumsy, naive girl you meet on the street." He looked at me, his face filled with horror. "No I swear that's not how it is at all. It has nothing to do with any of this crap." He held up the paper he was now clenching. "I'm sorry. I should have told you I just... It was nice being treated like a normal person for once." I felt a tug at my heart seeing him like this. "Why didn't you just tell me?" I asked him, my voice barely audible. "I'm so sorry. I was selfish and it's no excuse but guess I just wanted someone to like me for me." He reached over and took my hands in his. "Can we still- I mean this doesn't have to change anything." I felt selfish and stupid because it shouldn't change anything. I suddenly remember the guy with the camera. "Oh my god. When I went downstairs to get the mail there was a man across the street with a camera. I thought he was taking pictures of the trees or something." Jared sighed deeply and swore. "He wasn't photographing the scenery was he?" I asked already knowing the answer. He just shook his head. I felt panic rising in my stomach and darted to the window and closed the blinds. I nervously paced back and forth. "I don't know if I can do this. I can't handle surprise parties how am I supposed to deal with my picture in the friggen newspaper." I could feel myself starting to hyperventilate. I couldn't breathe. Concern fill Jared's face and he pulled me to the couch forcing head between my knees. Oh god. Please don't pass out. Please don't pass out. My vision started to darken and I felt myself falling forward. The last thing I felt was strong arms grab me and him calling my name before the darkness closed around me.


	19. Yours

~ Jared POV ~ Sunday Nov. 1st

I started to panic when her body went limp and she slumped forwards. I was able to catch her just before her head hit the coffee table. I cradled her in my arms and checked to make sure she was breathing. Her pulse was rapid but her breathing was starting to slow down. I started to relax a bit when it hit it that she had just fainted. I wondered if she was a diabetic or something. As I held her I brushed my hand over her forehead and through her hail. It smelled like strawberries and felt like silk. I looked at her face and she took my breath away. Her lips were slightly parted and her cheeks were flushed and she looked so pure and innocent I knew I would do anything to protect her. I had only met her five days ago and knew almost nothing about her but I couldn't stop the thoughts from running around in my brain. I was falling for her and I didn't want to stop. 

She started to stir and her eyes fluttered before they opened. She looked at me with such raw emotion I could have cried. She looked around and when she remembered what happened her face transformed into a heartbreaking look of sadness and her eyes started to tear up. "I'm so sorry- you shouldn't have had to see that." Her voice was shaky. I simply brought my hands to her face and wiped away her tears with my thumbs before pressing my lips to hers for a moment. "You don't have anything to apologize for. Are you ok?" She nodded. "Yeah, just a fun as always panic attack." She said with a grimace. "So you've discovered my craziness." She said with a nervous laugh. "Hey. It's not craziness, it's biology." I told her about my struggles with depression and the Always Keep Fighting campaign. "Well aren't we a pair." She shook her head. I looked into her eyes. "I hope so." She wiped her eyes and giggled before she wrapped her arms around my neck. We lay there for what seemed like hours just holding each other. 

"Mr. Big Time TV Star. I still can't believe it you know, I mean you're just so... Normal." I laughed. "You know all that fame crap isn't real. I mean not really. Those 'people' don't know me at all." "Do you have to go to work?" She asked while running her hands through my hair. Nope. Off till tomorrow." "Me too". We looked at each other for a moment grinning. Our faces all but smashed together in desperation. I could feel every inch of her body pressed against me and it wasn't enough. I sat up with my back against the couch and pulled her with me until she was straddling my lap. She pressed herself against my chest and fisted her hands in my hair. I wrapped my arms around her pinning her to me tightly. She ran her tongue across by bottom lip before taking it between her teeth lightly. I couldn't hold back the groan that escaped me and I felt her smile against my mouth. I brushed her hair back and trailed kisses along her jaw and down her neck. Her hands tightened in my hair and pulled softly when my teeth grazed the spot between her neck and shoulder. I couldn't help but raise my hips until I was grinding against hers. She let out a moan into my hair and I was almost finished right then. I found the hem of her shirt and traced my fingers along the skin of her back. Her skin was soft and warm and she shivered as I ran my hands up her back. I could feel my jeans getting tighter as she rocked against me. She let out a breathy gasp when she pressed her hips tighter against me. She pulled back and stared into my eyes before putting her forehead against mine. We were both panting and I could feel her heart pounding against my own. She pulled away and looked down hiding her eyes like she was ashamed. "I want to I just..." "Look at me." I gently pushed her back so there was about a foot of space between us. "I think it's pretty obvious that all I want to do right now is rip your clothes off. But I want more than that, I want you." "I want that too. More than you know" I pulled her back into my arms and hugged her. She shifted her weight a bit and I froze. "What's wrong?" "Nothing, your just making things a bit hard at the moment." She pulled back. "Jared! I thought you were supposed to be this proper southern gentleman." "Hey this is you're fault." I gestured to her position still on my lap. She shook her head and lifted herself to stand up. She stretched her neck out and ran her fingers through her hair. I heard music faintly and she looked around until she found her cell phone that was plugged into the wall. She answered and I excused myself to the bathroom. I washed my face and brushed my hair back thinking about the last few days.

~ Bree POV ~

I picked up my phone and saw it was Jules calling. She wanted to meet for lunch but I was worried. I peeked out the living room window and sure enough that guy with the camera was still lurking across the street. I told her just to come over here instead of us going out. "Um sure...ok but why can't we go to that little-." I cut her off. "There's some stuff I gotta tell you in private ok." She badgered me to tell her now but I told her to shut up and just come over. "Fine bitch gimme a half hour." She hung up with a huff. Jared came out of the bathroom and noticed my frown. "Everything ok?" I held up the phone. "My friend Jules is coming over for lunch." He looked confused. "Is that bad?" "No I just- what do I say. I mean can I tell her about us?" He just laughed. "Of course. I mean if you want to." "Do you want me to. I mean I don't want this to be a problem for you or anything." I gestured to the paper still open on the table. He walked up and pulled me into a hug. "Trust me the last thing you are to me is a problem. Tell her if you want to, because I want to tell everyone your mine." I looked up at him in awe. I wanted him so much but I just couldn't believe that this perfect, beautiful, sweet as hell man wanted me too. I brushed his hair from his face. "I am you know. Yours." He kissed my forehead and whispered in my ear. "And I'm yours." I felt like my heart was going to burst from all the emotions rushing through me. I kissed him with as much passion as I could and I knew I was in trouble. It scared me how strongly I felt about him so fast. But with his arms around me and his lips moving with mine I didn't care. I didn't want to fight it at all.


	20. No Hiding

~ Bree POV ~

"Ok handsome, get outta here before Jules gets here and freaks out." He eyed me suspiciously. "She's a huuuge fan of your show." "Ahh". He kissed the top of my nose. "Yeah, I kinda wanna ease her into the idea of us so she won't lose it when she meets you." He just laughed into my hair. I pulled my arms free and made air quotes. "Though she is a self admitted 'Dean girl' so I guess that means Jensen." "Well he does like blondes." 

"Crap. The camera guy outside. I bet he would just love a picture of you leaving here." "Yeah probably." I thought for a second before it hit me. "Oh! Fire escape!" He shook his head slowly with a smile. "Hey, I thought we agreed? We have nothing to hide remember. Besides it's not like I'm Kim Kardashian or anything. Trust me they'll lose interest quick." I made a 'ugh' sound at the name and he snickered. I walked him to the door and felt a pang of sadness that he was leaving. Holy crap it was like having a full on addiction. To a person. He kissed me fiercely before pulling a pair of sunglasses out of nowhere and throwing them over his beautiful eyes and leaving with a smile. 

I closed the door behind him and like a total creeper dashed to the living room window. Screw it. Like he said before, what's the point of hiding. I yanked the blinds up and threw up the window before leaning out. Like a trained shark the camera toting douchebag noticed me right away and swung his lens up. That is until I heard the front door open below me. I could practically hear the guys eyes widen from here. I watched as Jared headed across the street to his car that I didn't even notice was still parked there. He turned before opening the door and looked up towards my window. He broke into a huge smile and waved, then like a total boss turned and waved to the camera man. I laughed at him while he pulled the door open and eased his huge frame behind the wheel. In a moment of pure childishness I stuck my tongue out at the camera guy before pulling back inside and shutting the blinds. 

I had just enough time to grab a quick shower and get dressed before I heard a knock at the door. Seeing that it was in fact Jules I unlocked the door and tree it open before quickly pulling her inside and re-locking it. "Hey B why-Dude what the hell? Why was it locked? By the way there's some freak outside with a camera, I think he took pictures of me" She stopped dead and stared at me. "Why are you glowing? Oh my god, you tramp, you're pregnant aren't you! Is that the big news" "Of course not!" I was horrified at just the thought. "Then what the hell is going on?" I sighed deeply and pulled her into the living room. It was so crazy I didn't even know where to start. "Ok so you know how I told you I met a guy?" Her mouth turned up into a half smile/half 'ahh I get it' look. I couldn't seem to get the words out so I picked up the paper and thrust it at her. "I don't get it" "Just read it!" She scanned the article for a moment sighed. "Lucky bitch." I burst out laughing and she liked at me like I'd lost it. "Okay sooo? Jared Padalecki has a girlfriend what does-" I flipped back to the front page to the photo of us waking inside. She looked confused as hell, it was almost funny. I still couldn't seem to figure out what to say so I lifted my hand in a wait here gesture and popped to my room. "Ok what am I missing here?"  
I walked back into the living room holding up last nights costume and waited for what I knew was coming. She shook her head and looked at me then at the paper. Then at me, then at the paper again. 

"Holy fuckbags. Are you friggen seri- I can't-how did you-. OH MY GOD!" I threw the costume over the back of the couch and plopped down next to her. "Jules stop screaming. I didn't even know who he was until this morning. And It's really not that big of a deal." "Yeah fucking right it's not. Your telling me you went on a date with Sam Winchester?" I rolled my eyes at her fangirlism. "I went on a date with a great guy named Jared. That's just happens to be his job." She huffed a 'whatever' at me before she started talking rapidly. "Oh my god did he kiss you?" I nodded my head. She shrieked again and shook her head in awe. That is of course when she noticed Jared's costume folded on the chair by the window. She turned to look at me with eyes the size of dinner plates. "Did you-?" "No, we fell asleep on the couch. Fully clothed I might add, you big perv." She yanked my body sideways so I was facing her. "Ok you need to start from the beginning and include a shit ton of adjectives." I basically gave her a complete rundown of everything that had happened since Wednesday stopping once in while (ok a lot when I mentioned Jensen) when she asked questions. "Wow." "I mean really B. Wow." "I know." She had calmed down significantly by then and was now in BFF mode. "So what he like?" I thought for a moment and couldn't help my ridiculous smile. "He's... Amazing. Smart and sweet and funny. A total gentleman. Sooo sexy." She gave me this swoony nod and I narrowed my eyes. "Relax dude, I may be a Dean girl but you can't blame me for being a little Sam curious." I couldn't argue with her there. 

We hung out in the kitchen for a bit a eating random food from the cupboard, too lazy to actually cook anything. We sat at the table with a plate full of celery and crackers with open jars of peanut butter and cheese whiz. She picked up a DVD stuffed under some flyers and snickered. "Research." She held it up and I noticed it was the first season of Jared show. "I totally forgot about that, I rented it on my way home from your place last week." She picked up the plate and headed to the living room. "Hey. Why you take foods?" "You seriously have no more excuses NOT to watch this show." Dammit. I didn't have a good excuse. Conceding defeat, I grabbed the jars and the last of the coffee before following her. She was setting up my laptop on the coffee table so I grabbed the blanket and threw it over us. She pressed play and we settled into our customary movie night-couch-cocoon.


	21. The Screaming

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's a little short but it's the only place I could end the chapter.

~ Bree POV ~

It's amazing how fast goes by. For the first time in a very long time I was actually wished I had a TV. "J?" "Yeah" "I fainted in front of him." "Did he freak?" "No. He was actually really cool about it." "Did you tell him?" "No" "Well, it could have been worse. At least you didn't puke on him. Remember that time-?" "How can I forget, you love that story."

We were pretty much comatose in front of the laptop for a good 9 hours before we remembered that we both had work in the morning. It was actually a really good show but it was also super weird to see Jared like that. He was so young and adorable but his hair was so much better now. Plus every time he got into a fight or someone hit him I got angry and started yelling at the screen. I felt bad for thinking it but a couple of the episode so far were a little cheesy but it must keep getting better because the show was in its eighth season. We said goodnight and I stupidly figured I'd watch one more episode and turn in. Yeah right. More like 3 more and now it's two in the morning. 7 am is gonna suck. 

I was completely correct. I really didn't want to get out off bed. Until I saw a text from Jared asking if I wanted to meet him for lunch. ~ P.s. The camera guy should be gone. Cliff got him bounced him for trespassing near a private residence ~ I suddenly has a way better outlook for the day. I peeked out the front window just to make sure and the coast was joyously clear. I grabbed the mail on the way out and found myself almost skipping to work, having to make a conscious effort to act normal. I felt almost like I was high, smiling at things that normally freaked me out. Things like chihuahuas and babies. Until I got there, then everything went downhill fast. Like Clark Griswold on an oiled sled fast. First I forgot all the paperwork for a new project we were working on then I spilled coffee all over myself. While wearing a white blazer. Yup. Just cause it's me. 

I was trying to put all the crap out of my mind and concentrate on work when Brit popped her head into my off looking thoroughly curious. "Um. There's a call for you. From the Vancouver Sun." She said it more like a question. Oh my god. How the hell did they find out where I work or even my name for that matter? "Can you please tell take a message hun." "Sure thing." I put my forehead on the desk when I started to feel the panic creeping in. Just breathe. In. Out. Your ok. Everything's fine. In. Out. I grabbed my cell and texted Jared. ~ Somebody from the paper called me at work ~ I didn't take it but I have a feeling they're gonna call back ~ I put my phone on my desk and tried really hard not to check it every 30 seconds but failed spectacularly. He texted back about a half hour later right when I had managed to stop obsessing over it. ~ I'm sorry about that. I feel terrible that you're having to deal with this crap ~ and unfortunately it's probably gonna get worse until they lose interest ~ I got nervous at how many times he had said this. Not because of the idea of your whole relationship being out there for public consumption but because it seemed like something that had happened to him so often he was used to it. 

I went home that night and locked myself away. I turned my phone off and lay in bed in the dark. Could I handle this? This is not who I am at all. I'd spent the last 13 years hiding, trying to put my life back together and get to a place where I was able to be alone without hearing the screaming. Things I've never told another person. Not even my best friend. A nice, quiet and above all an anonymous existence was all I had hoped for. Now I had met this person, someone I didn't really know but wanted so much. Why shouldn't I have this. Everyone else was allowed to live their lives and fall in love, get married and... And be happy. Why not me? I smashed my fists down onto the bed and could hear that little voice that always seemed to be in the back of my mind. ~ You don't get to have a normal life. You know why and what will happen if you try. You're a stain on everything you touch. ~ 

My dreams were filled with everything I've been running from all this time. What I've spent a lifetime shoving down into the deepest parts of myself. I felt the scratching and the feel of the cold water beneath me. Above all there was the screaming. It always ended in screaming.


	22. Hunger

~ Bree POV ~ Tuesday Nov. 3rd

I woke up with a slight headache and my pillow was damp from the tears I must have shed in my sleep. I didn't remember crying. I felt a little better after washing my face and brushing my teeth but I couldn't seem to stop the thoughts nagging at me. 

The first thing I did was turn on my laptop to check my e-mail. Before I'd left work the day before I had e-mailed Maren to ask if I could work from home for a few days. I felt like I needed time to think and she had always been really patient with me during my darker moods. As usual she had no problem with it and because I was all caught up with our latest project I could pretty much just be lazy at this point. 

I made coffee and tried to push back the images from my nightmare. It didn't take as long as it usually did because my thoughts suddenly drifted to Jared. I wondered what he was doing. Grabbing my cell before sitting down I realized that I hadn't turned it back on. As soon as I did I was inundated with beeps and buzzes. Oh shit. I had totally forgotten that we had made a lunch date the day before. From his texts he seemed worried so I decided to call him not thinking about how early it was. "Mmmh hello?" His voice sounded deep and scratchy and it was the sexiest sound in the world. "Crap I woke you up. I didn't look at the clock until after I dialled." He sort of breathed my name and it sent heat shooting through the lower part of my body. We weren't even in the same room and I was falling apart because of this man. "I tried to call you, I was worried." "I'm sorry it completely slipped my mind." "As long as your ok it doesn't matter." I wished he was here. I wanted to feel his body heat and his hands on me. "What time is it anyway?" He sounded a bit more awake but his voice was still husky. "Uhh. 7:30." "Are you at work?" "I actually took a few days off." "Really. That's great." Long silence. "Do you-" "Can I-" we both stopped at the same time and there was more silence. He broke it first. "Would you like to come over?" 

He sent Clif to pick me up and being a coward I couldn't help but feel nervous around the massive, gruffy man so last thing I expected to hear playing softly when I got into the car was opera. He looked more like a death metal fan than an opera one and I found myself feeling like a shitty person for judging him. I recognized it as an aria from La Traviata. Hey some opera is cool. I looked around and saw that there were a few pictures pinned to his sun visor. One if him between a smiling Jared and Jensen and one of what I assumed was his family. My heart softened towards this beast of a man thought back to what Liv had said the other day. Maybe he really was just an over grown teddy bear. 

We pulled up to a totally normal, nothing out of the ordinary apartment complex. The only thing different that I noticed were the security cameras and the fact that there was a desk in the lobby with a security guard. I didn't know where I was going so Clif led the way to a line of elevators. I started to feel this nervous excitement in my stomach, like what you feel waiting for a roller coaster to start. I smoothed out my hair and fidgeted with my coats zipper as we ascended in silence. I wished Clif would say something to distract me from the butterflies, scratch that, the friggen bats flying around in my stomach. The doors opened and he continued to lead me down the hall until we stopped in front his door. Just a regular door, off white with an antique looking peep hole and knocker. He knocked twice before opening the door and held it open gesturing for me to go in. He walked in totally at ease like he'd been here a million times. "Jare?" "In the kitchen." 

We rounded a corner and I let out a gasp. Jared was standing at the stove cooking with his back to us, wearing a pair of loose sweatpants that hung off his hips and plain grey shirt with a deep v neck. He turned around when he heard my hugely embarrassing sound and smiled at my look of chagrin. We just stared at each other inappropriately before Clif cleared his throat and I could tell he felt uncomfortable. "Well I'll leave you kids alone." He disappeared back the way we came and I heard the door open and close. It sounded like a hotel door that automatically locks. I turned back to Jared and saw he was watching me intently. "Are you hungry?" Even if I had been I doubt I would have been able to eat with my stomach flipping around. "Jeez I'm sorry, let me take your coat." I fumbled with the zipper for a second before I managed to get my coat off. He took it from my shaky hands and walked towards the front door. I took a few steps further into the kitchen and saw he was cooking an omelette. I heard him re-enter the room but I didn't turn to face him. 

I didn't have to turn around to know where he was because I could feel the heat from his body on my back. He wrapped his arms around me and buried his face in my hair. I could feel myself start to shake slightly when he gathered my hair to one side exposing my neck. When he pressed his lips to the skin below my ear my brain disconnected from my body.


	23. Something new

He let out a low whine when I pulled out of his arms, until I turned and practically lunged at him. He let out a gasp of surprise when I smashed my mouth to his and kissed him hungrily, desperately. He ran his hands over my back, pressing me to him so tightly it should have been painful yet wasn't. My hands traced over every inch of his back, revelling at his hard muscles rolling beneath my touch. His lips moved away from mine and traveled across my jaw. Any doubts I had been feeling melted away when I felt his teeth graze my ear. I moaned deeply into his shoulder and felt him growing hard against my stomach. My breathing was becoming obscene but I didn't care in the slightest, I wanted every part of him touching me. He pushed us further into the kitchen and to my disappointment removed one of his hands from my waist and reached around me. I noticed the smell of something burning when I heard a soft click. I turned my head to see the charred remains of what had been his breakfast. I burst out laughing and tried to slow down my breathing. The laughter died on my lips as I turned to face him. His face was flushed and his eyes were dark with lust as they bore into mine. 

Without hesitation I took his hand and led him out of the kitchen before I realized I didn't know where I was going. He took the lead and I followed him down another hallway to his bedroom. I couldn't have told you what colour the walls were or anything else about his room. All I saw in that moment was him pulling me towards his bed. He stood in front of me and placed his hands on either side of my face before sliding them down my neck. I shivered from his heated touch and moved him forward until he was sitting on the end of the bed facing me. He took my hands in his and brought them to his lips in a gesture so sweet it made my heart swell. Removing my hands from his grasp I slid them into his hair and softly pulled his head back until he was looking at me. He slid his knee between mine and pulled my down until I was straddling his lap. Even if I had had any reservations left about him at all, they would have been for nothing. The way he looked up at me with so much raw emotion in his eyes it told me everything I needed to know. 

I slid my hands down his sides and grasped the hem of his shirt and he lifted his arms so I could pull it off. I marvelled at his naked torso and bent my head and trailed kisses across the curves and dips of his perfect chest. He let out a growl that I felt deep between my legs and ground my hips into his. He put his arms around my waist and stood up supporting my weight before he spun around and threw me down on the bed. I let out a surprised giggle and lay down as he crawled up my body. He pulled me up until I was sitting and his fingers found the bottom of my shirt. He stopped and looked at me. "Are you sure?" Instead of answering him I just nodded and kissed him deeply. I put my hands over his and used them to start inching up my shirt. I moved my arms up and he slowly dragged my shirt over my head. I let myself fall backwards so I was laying in front of him. He stared at me with what could only be described as wonder until I reached up and pulled him down to me. I kissed him until we were both gasping for air and he moved his hands to the button of my jeans and he slid them off me torturously slow, I was aching for him to touch me. 

He trailed soft kisses down my neck to my collarbone and gently started nipping with his teeth, my skin hot and sensitive to his touch. I fisted my hands in his hair and my back arched into his, desperate to feel his body on mine. He sat up and pulled my up until we were both sitting on our feet facing each other. He slid my bra strap off my shoulder before kissing it gently and repeating the action I my the other side. He unhooked the back and threw it to the floor and I blushed slightly to feel his eyes on my semi naked form. He pulled me into his lap, my knees on either side of his and pressed his lips to my neck again. I let my head fall back as he continued brushing his lips over my neck and chest. A shudder rippled through me and I was aching with need to be even closer to him. Pushing him forward, he fell back on the bed with a grunt. I brought my shaking hands to his waist and pulled his sweatpants down his hips. His eyes were wild and his hands never left my body, continuing to caress and tease me. My fingertips skimmed the firm skin just above his briefs and he let out this guttural moan that set me on fire. I pulled off the last piece of his clothes before bending down and nipping at his stomach. He grabbed me and flipped my over onto my back and dug his fingers into my hips. He lowered his head and dragged his tongue down the centre of my body stopping at my navel. He hooked his fingers into the top of my underwear and finally sliding them off until there was nothing left between us. 

I stared up at him panting, my skin still tingling from where he had touched me. He reached over to the bedside table and grabbed a condom. He put it on and maneuvered himself until he was hovering over me. Supporting his weight on his arms he kissed me deeply, staring into my eyes. He didn't say anything but I knew he was asking again. I brought one of my legs up and wrapped it around his waist, lifting my hips to meet his. He was slow and gentle but I still gasped, unused to the feeling after so long. He stilled and let me adjust around him kissing my nose, forehead and lips. I started to move my hips letting him know I was okay. The feeling was indescribable, the fullness of him reaching every part of me. What had started out raw and hungry quickly changed to something new. This wasn't something I had experienced before and my eyes started to blur. I squeezed my eyes shut and turned my head hoping he would see but he brought his hand to my face and made me look at him. Instead of being freaked out he used his thumb to wipe the tears from my eyes before planting tender kiss on my cheeks. I closed my eyes again when he pressed his forehead to mine, moving with him, together.


	24. For me too

A/N - so this one's really short but I was struggling just to get this down. The next chapter will be way longer I promise. 

~ Jared POV ~

I didn't remember falling asleep but the rising sun peeked through the curtains and pulled me back to reality. For once it was better than my dreams. I turned on to my side and gazed over to the woman beside me. She was fast asleep on her side, facing away from me. I didn't want to wake her for the world, perfectly content to just lay here and look at her. When I invited her over this was the last thing I had expected to happen. The sex had been amazing but deep down it felt like something else. That's how it may have started, but I knew with every fibre inside me that's not what we did. It was so much more. If I was being honest with myself it actually scared me a little. How intensely I was felt drawn to her. 

We were only half covered by a sheet, I didn't remember when the comforter had gotten thrown to the floor. She shifted and the sheet slid lower down her body exposing a tattoo on her hip that I didn't remember seeing earlier. I've never really had a preference one way or the other about tattoos but on her, like everything else, it was beautiful. It was a Phoenix rising from a pile of ashes amidst a swirling halo of fire. Even now, I felt like I couldn't control my urge to touch her. Trying not to wake her I tentatively reached out and with the lightest of touches, traced the shape of the tattoo, surprised to feel a deep scar underneath. She groaned and rolled onto her stomach, burying her face in the pillow. I laughed softly and ran my fingers down her back. She shivered lightly and turned to look at me. 

"Hey." "Hi." I'm not sure how long we lay there just looking at each other. "That was..." She trailed off and looked away. I took her hand, threading my fingers through hers. "I know." Her eyebrows came together in an expression of worry. "What's wrong?" She kept her face turned and I knew she was embarrassed. "Bree. You have nothing to be embarrassed about. I want you to tell me what you're feeling." "It's just that it was... I mean don't misunderstand me because it was amazing, but it just felt like, I dunno." I knew exactly what she meant. "It was different. For me too." I spoke her thoughts and she looked at me in surprise. "Hey, come here." I rolled into my back and opened my arms to her. "It was different for me too." I shifted closer to her and she lifted herself enough to rest her face on my chest. "What time do you have to go?" I rubbed my hand in slow circles across her back. "Not until tonight, around 10." I could feel her lips spread into a smile. I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her face to mine ending the conversation. 

"Mmm. This is so good." We were sitting beside each other at the breakfast bar in the kitchen with half the contents of the fridge spread out before us. "So I started watching the show." She was spooning peanut butter on to a stalk of celery. "Oh god." Thinking about that first season we did, it felt like a lifetime ago. She laughed and pinched my cheek. "C'mon, you were so adorable with that baby face. And the hair was just-." "Ridiculous, I know." She moved her hand to my hair and played with the back. "I'll admit I like it better now, longer." She dragged her nails across my scalp and I felt it in my groin. "Are you still hungry?" She thought for a moment before answering. "Nah, I'm good, why?" "Cause if you keep doing that I'm taking you back to my room." She just laughed and kissed the side of my face. Then my neck. She purposely started dragging her nails down my back and I growled. Spinning around I scooped her up in my arms and all but sprinted back to my bedroom.


	25. The gift

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I am having a TON of problems getting this chapter posted, half of it keeps getting cut off and I have no clue how to fix it. I have this story posted on Wattpad too if you want to read it there. https://www.wattpad.com/user/theblkdahlia

~ Bree POV ~

My body had never felt so relaxed in my entire life. Or satisfied. We pretty much kept up this cycle of bed, sleep, food for about 8 hours or so. I was also really shocked and embarrassed that I actually said anything to Jared about that whole 'it felt like more' crap. Cue the violins right. Actually what shocked me more was when he said he felt the same way. That particular declaration was gonna stay with me for a while. The truth was is that this was the best day I'd had in a really long time. 

Around 8 or so he got Clif to come take me home and I immediately called Jules and demanded that she come over. Instead of hanging out on the couch like normal people we were curled up under the covers of my bed like we always did when we talked about this kind of stuff. 

"So...? What's going B, you look freaked." "I spent the day at Jared's place." She bolted upright. "Holy shitbags! Did you guys-?" I dragged the blanket over my face, for some reason I felt shy. What the hell? I mean this is Jules, there's nothing we haven't talked about before. "Sort of." She yanked the blanket down. "What the hell do you mean sort of, I mean you either fucked or you didn't, and don't give me that we only 'blah blah' so it doesn't count. It all counts you tramp." I laughed. Ahh, good old filthy mouthed Jules. "Yeah, I mean technically we did have sex but that's not what it felt like." She looked thoroughly confused by now. "Ummm. Ok. You mean like it was so bad you can't call it sex or-" "No no, it was great. Mind blowing even. It was just more... Emotional than just sex you know." She froze and her mouth popped open. "Wait are you telling me that you guys 'made lo-?" I quickly put my hand over her mouth. "Shhhh. Don't even think of completing that sentence. God. I've only known him for like a week. Not even." I cautiously pulled my hand from her mouth ready to possibly strangle her if she said 'those words' again. Lucky for her she kept her mouth shut. I groaned and buried myself under the covers. "And the worst part is that I told him that. I told him that it 'felt like more'." "Did he turn into one of those 'I'm a big strapping man, I don't have feelings' douchebags?" I thought about his reaction and how genuine he was. "No actually, he said it felt like more for him too." This time instead of yanking the covers off me, Jules slowly slid them down until she was staring at me with a huge smile. "Are you serious?" I just had time to nod before she started shrieking and launched herself at me in an attack hug. "Ugh. Get off me you little freak." She just squealed louder. "You know what this means right? He's totally falling in l-" I stuck my fingers in my ears "Lalalalalalalal." She flopped down on her back and sighed. "Wow. My bestie and Jared Padalecki. You rock. Ok. Now I have a serious question for you. Is Jensen seeing anyone?"

After Jules left I didn't want to be stuck in a room with just my thoughts so headed to the living room looking for something to keep me occupied. I saw that my laptop was still on the table so I nestled in to continue season one. I was watching the episode Asylum when it occurred to me that I wasn't thinking about these guys as Jared and Jensen anymore. They truly were Sam and Dean. It was weird to say the least, but also not weird which made no sense. Shut up brain. Watch the show. Seeing as how I didn't have to actually go into the office until Monday I decided screw it and I watched episode after episode until I couldn't keep my eyes open. And when I woke up I went right back to the couch for more. 

Dammit. I needed to know what happened after the demon plowed into the Impala. Like an obsessive fan I got dressed and headed to the door to hit the video store. Out of the corner of my eye I saw a piece of Jared costume still folded on a chair. I checked the clock to make sure it wasn't too early and texted Jared. 

~ I just finished season one and I'm freaking out ~

~ lol why ~ 

~cause I need to know what happens next ~ omw to rent the next season ~

~


	26. Chapter 26 - Confession

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first part is the end of Chapter 25 cause its the only way I could get it to post

I stared at the little emoticon he sent me and like a big dork, I was practically swooning. 

I grabbed the costumes and headed across the street. I saw that they had barricaded the area around the set with the police looking thing. There's were also two pro wrestler sized security guards standing watch at the entrance. I timidly walked up to them feeling very tiny compared their massiveness. "Um. Hi. I'm just here to give this stuff to Clif." Of course my voice came out in a squeak. Giant # 1 looked down at a clipboard and # 2 just stared straight ahead. "Name?" It's um, Bree Smith" He didn't even say anything, he moved aside to let me pass then copied his henchmen's stance. 

They weren't filming anything until nighttime so it was pretty quiet, just crew members setting up. I looked around for a few minutes before I saw Clif leaving one of the trailers. I waved and jogged over to him. "Jared said I could leave these with you." "Sure I'll stick em in Misha's trailer. Follow me down there though, Jared asked me to give you something." Huh. I followed him down the rows of trailers and waited outside while he ducked into Misha's. He popped back out a before leading me to another trailer two doors down. Again he just popped in returned holding a bag. He held it out to me. "Jared asked me to give you these." I thanked him automatically with out even knowing what it was. I peeked in the bag and let out a very girly, uncharacteristic giggle. "Wow. This is... Thanks Clif, I'll see you." He nodded and headed off to do whatever. Instead of going to the video store I grabbed a slice of pizza and went back to my place. I sat on the couch and took out my phone and started texting. 

~ Jared you are awesome. And a little nuts ~ 

~ I know. I just figured since you DYING to know what happens next and we just happened to have a few copies laying around ~

~ lol a few copies ~ thank you ~

~ you're welcome ~

~ I'll let you get back to whatever ~

~ and I'll let you get back on season 2 lol ~ 

I opened that bag and took out the DVDs he gave me. Supernatural Seasons 1-7. I was giddy and excited and turning into a total dork about this show. And I didn't mind one bit.

 

Chapter 26 - Confession 

 

~ Jensen POV ~ Thurs. Nov. 5th

I was sitting in my trailer waiting for Jared and Misha to get here so we could start shooting. I was running through my lines for today's scenes when I let my eyes wander to the mirror by the door. I stupidly had left a picture of Catherine taped to the mirror pretending that if I kept it around we wouldn't actually be broken up. I was turning into a sad and pathetic hunk of denial. I couldn't do this anymore, sitting around wallowing in self pity certainly was help me get over her. Which is pretty much what I've been doing for 3 months now. Even Jared didn't know how messed up I was, and I told him everything. Truthfully I was embarrassed to admit it. I got up and walked over to the mirror taking her picture down. There was no point to keep it anymore, she'd made her choice. And it wasn't me. 

I heard a rap on the door before Jared poked his head in. I could immediately tell something was off by then look he had. Until he saw what I was holding and his face fell. "You alright Jay?" I looked down at her picture for a minute before I threw it in the paper bin by the table. "Yeah. I'm good. Something I should've done a long time ago." He got that pensive/concern face he got when was he worried about me. "Dude, I'm ok. I swear. Just um... Closing the book ya know." I could tell he didn't really believe me but I meant it. No more pining Jay, new start. Starting now. He could tell my smile was genuine having known me for so long and visibly relaxed back into happy Jared. "What about you man, I don't remember that last time I seen you like this. It's the girl isn't it." His face broke open in the hyena grin and I knew I was right. "She's... Amazing. I can't even- just everything about her is so- Amazing." He looked like a 5 year old that was just given 12 puppies. "So I'm guessing that she's amazing. Dude, you sound like your in lo-Holy shit. You're falling for her. Hard, by the looks of it." I saw the flush start to creep up his neck but he didn't try to hide it, not ashamed in the least. "Honestly I've never felt like this before, not even with Sandy." "Wow. Seriously? Dude it's been like a week." He kept pushing his hair back like he did when he was really excited about something. He sank into the closest chair and started laughing to himself. A bit insanely too which made me start. Jared's always had this infectious spirit about him, you couldn't help but be happy around him because he just exuded this energy. I'd be hard pressed to find a better guy to spend 14 hours a day with. 

"I'm happy for you Jare, you really deserve it after all the crap you're dealing with man." I couldn't help but feel a little jealous though, as happy as I was for him I couldn't stop myself from wondering if I'd ever get there too. "Actually, what are you doing this weekend, I was thinking of having a few people over. Last BBQ before it snows right. Invite all the guys, steaks and beer." I couldn't think of a better way to spend a day. "Sounds good to me." "And Bree has a friend that's a self confessed 'Dean girl'." Oh great, I'm pathetic enough now that I need to be set up. "I dunno Jare. I mean have you met her?" "No but I've seen pictures. She's super hot. And blonde." Hmm. "Whatever dude. If she turns out to be a psycho fan I'm blaming you." He just laughed and we headed outside to find Misha. 

 

~ Bree POV ~ 

This was starting to get out of hand. Except to shower and pee I hadn't really moved from the couch since about 10 o'clock the night before. I was even eating all my meals on the couch now. I tried to tell myself that it was all Jared's fault. Stupid, gracious, awe inspiring, godlike man. I also had to force Jared not to tell me what anything that happens no matter how much I begged and pleaded for spoilers. It seemed that I didn't handle mysteries all that well. 

He sent me a text later on asking if I wanted to go to his place on Saturday for a BBQ. He said he was having a bunch of people over and that I should invite Jules to come too. I could almost hear her screaming from here. I would love nothing more to have my best friend be there with me. The question was would she be freaking out the whole time like a starstruck teenager. She has always been so level headed an confidant in herself but when it came to this show it seemed to go right out the window. I texted her to see what she was up to and she was still at work so I decided to pop in. Better to ask her in person. 

I swear I would never get over how awesome Jules was. She went to college to be a teacher but after she graduated she decided it wasn't what she wanted to do. So she started a business. A cute little shop filled with locally designed and made items. Everything from clothes and candles to bath products, even handmade teas and makeup. It always smelled amazing and it always felt homey. Instead of chimes she had the door sensor hooked up to the computer so whenever it opened it sent a buzz the cellphone on her hip. Pretty cool if you ask me. She was sitting behind the counter making jewelry when I entered. "Hey B." "Hey." She handed me a coffee and I flopped down on the couch across from her. Which was the coolest thing ever. She had cut the side out of one of those old claw bathtubs, painted it a minty green and lined it with homemade pillows. 

"I'm really glad your here, I just got in the cutest stuff, you're gonna love it." A major perk of having a best friend owning a store is getting first pick at the new clothes. "I actually came to ask slash tell you something. But you have to promise me you're not gonna lose it." She smoothed her hair back and took a dramatic deep breath. "Ok. Lay it on me." There was pretty much no special way to word to avoid a freak out. "Jared invited me to his place on Saturday for a BBQ... And he invited you too." She took another breath and nodded nonchalantly. "That's cool. Who else is gonna be there?" Here it comes. "He said it was gonna be 'the guys'... Which means um... Jensen." To my total surprise instead of screaming and crying she actually got really quiet. It kinda scared me, I've never see her react like this before. Then I noticed that her hands were shaking. I jumped up and went behind the counter to hug her. "Omg J. Are you ok." "No it's cool. I'm fine. Just the thought of being- No. Ok I'm cool. He's just a person right. A so inhumanly sexy-I'm-not-sure-he's-actually-real-person, but still just a person." I half laughed half sighed. "Trust me babe. I know exactly how you feel."


	27. Beauty

~ Bree POV ~ Fri. Nov. 6th

I talked to Jules a bit more before heading home. I wasn't sure if I could even explain my point of view correctly given that I had never heard of Jared before all this. "Jules hun. Don't get me wrong I mean if I were to run into David Bowie I would probably puke then faint. But these guys are just... I dunno, guys. This show, it's just their job. And trust me now that I'm watching it I can definitely see the attraction to them. But you know it's not really to them, it's to the characters. Sam is sweet and sensitive and shy. Jared's like that too, except maybe for the shy part. Sam is quiet and introverted and Dean is wild and crazy. But from what I've seen and heard, Jared and Jensen are the opposite. Jeez, Jare even eats like Dean. They're just like me and you. They just happen to play make believe for a living." Wow I just got really profound. She got uncharacteristically quiet. "Yeah. You're completely right. I never really thought about like that before. So while I can't promise to not be losing it inside, I'll try my best to be cool." I kissed her cheeks. "Hey. It doesn't matter what you do. You could could cover yourself in butter and roll around in the grass. You're my sister remember." We proceeded to have a deep emotional hug fest before I took off (with a new outfit, I thank you) for home. 

On the way I replayed in my mind everything I had said to Jules. While I wasn't exactly in her position, I understood where she was coming from. There were definitely people and things that I idolized to the point of obsession, although in my case most of them happened to be dead. Van Gogh, Sylvia Plath, Lennon. Modern times (mostly) held no fascination for me. There was romanticism left in the world, no more epic quests. Maybe that's why I retreated into books and poetry. For me wonder and magic lived in the pages of Tolkien and Shakespeare, in the colours of a Da Vinci or the breath of Nina Simone. I felt like humanity had lost something, that search for beauty in the midst of so much ugliness. The hunger to be more than we were, for what we could be. 

I felt old. Older than I should've felt at 25, the weight of it was crushing me. And as much I tried to shut it out, it was always there. During my happiest moments there was this still part of me that couldn't let go. I couldn't forget that night, because I felt like if forgot what happened I would forget them. I think that's why I felt so drawn to Jared, he made me feel safe, like as long as I was with him nothing could hurt me. 

Sat. Nov. 7th

I had to admit I was pretty excited about going to Jared's place, I didn't really go out that often, I was more of a hang-out-in-the-backyard-and-drink-beer-with-friends person. Plus Jules was going to be there which was always a bonus. Since her shop starting taking off we didn't get to hang out as much anymore. Speak of the devil. She texted me to let me know she was outside. I grabbed the dessert I had made from the fridge and went downstairs. Jules was that type of girl that would look good dressed in a garbage bag but today, wow. She looked stunning. Her shoulder length hair spilled around her face in soft waves and she was wearing this deep blue maxi dress with a white blazer over top. Man how can one person ALWAYS look so good. "Why do you always have to look better than me?" She held up her hands in a 'I surrender'. "Hey. I keep telling you to come by the shop and let me pick stuff out for you, but noooooo. Besides you look really hot." It wasn't even possible sitting next to someone like her. I had worn the new outfit she had given me but she still looked way better. "I'm sure this has nothing at all to do with who's gonna be there." She just put on her sunglasses. "I dunno what you're talking about." "Uh huh sure."

She connected her phone to the cars Bluetooth and cranked it. Even if I had wanted to say anything she wouldn't have heard me over the pulse of the music. With MGMT playing in the background my thoughts turned of course to Jared. Even after spending the day with him and everything we did (blush) I still got butterflies knowing I was gonna see him soon. 

We pulled into the connected parking garage and went inside the building. I stopped at the front desk and told the security guard who I was here to see. "May I see your I.D's please." He picked up the phone and I assumed called upstairs to make sure we were allowed to be here. "Hello sir, I have a Bree Smith and Juliana Van Der Meer to see you. Yes sir." He hung up and motioned to the bank of elevators to the side. "Thank you. You can go right up." There was no one else in the elevator so I turned to Jules and out my arms around her. "You ready J." She took a deep breath. "I'm cool. I got this." The doors open and I led her down the hall stopping in front of his door. I took one last look at my friend who seemed almost too calm considering and knocked on his door. 

 

~ Jensen POV ~ Sat. Nov. 6th

I had picked up steaks,burgers and beer before heading to Jared's place and as usual I was the first one there. It was nice to be able to hang out with all the guys from work and just relax. Jare was puttering around grabbing plates and glasses and making sure there were enough chairs on the balcony for everyone. One by one people started to arrive, first Rich and Rob then Osric. Misha called to say he was gonna be late. There was a soft knock and Jared went to answer it. I heard feminine voices and Jared's deeper one laughing before the door closed. They came around the corner into the living room and my eyes immediately flew to the gorgeous blonde. My god. Jared wasn't kidding. She was beautiful all right. I said hello to Bree and she introduced her friend as Jules. I could see Jared trying to hide his smile when he saw me staring at her. And much to my surprise she stared right back. I remembered Jared mentioning she was a huge fan of the show and a 'Dean girl' but you would never have known it by how cool she was. Her eyes were almost as blue as her dress and they were simply mesmerizing. Calm down Jay. I stood up and gave Bree a quick hug and shook Jules hands. It was steady and warm and she squeezed my hand firmly. Wow, not exactly the delicate flower she looks like. Jared introduced Jules to the rest of the guys and Bree to Osric as she had already met everyone at Misha's party. We all grabbed beers and went to sit outside on the patio. I tried to be stealthy as I quickly took the seat next to Jules but I'm sure I failed like pro. Even Bree had an amused look on her face and she and Jare were whispering to each other. I shot him a glacial look and he just smiled wider. Asshole. Man, it was gonna be long evening.


	28. Fake Plastic Trees

~ Bree POV ~

I couldn't believe my eyes. Jules was relaxed and calm. She was in a room surrounded by her favourite tv people and you'd think she hung out with them everyday. I had been expecting nervousness and stuttering but instead I got regular Jules. From the second we got there it was impossible not to notice Jensen's reaction to her. I mean I doubt there was a man alive that could be oblivious to her beauty but here was this gorgeous, famous could-have-anyone-he-wanted-guy falling all over himself around her. Jared notice too and we just kinda hung in the background watching and snickering. When we went outside Jensen beelined for the chair next to Jules and our grins just got bigger. You wouldn't believe the look he gave Jared. This was gonna be awesome. 

A while later there was a knock at the door and then Jared returned with Misha in tow. That's when things got interesting to say the least. Misha's personality is like... fireworks mixed with dynamite wrapped in bow made of kittens. He's so crazy and so funny and so sweet you just automatically wanted to be friends with him. He hugged everyone fiercely including me and Jules and she was simply beaming. I was too actually. I felt happier than I have in a really long time. 

Jared and Jensen started cooking (must be nice to be able to BBQ on your unnaturally large balcony with a gorgeous view) and the rest of us sat around chatting. These guys were so easy to get along with, they were nice and funny, especially Misha and Osric. Misha asked Jules and I an endless stream of questions and told us some insane stories from the set. I noticed that Jensen wasn't really talking much. Jared had mentioned in passing that he was a lot shyer in person than onscreen so his silence made sense. It probably didn't help that Jules was flirting with him every chance she got. Shameless that one. 

At one point later in the evening I had an idea and pulled Jared inside to devise a plan. And the plan was to somehow get Jules and Jensen alone. So I got Jared to go out to the balcony and tell Rob and Rich he needed them for something. Then he texted Misha to excuse himself and as fate would have it Osric had to use the bathroom. We weren't sure how long we could keep up the ruse so I just hoped they made good use of the stolen time. I figured we had maybe 10 minutes before they wondered where everyone was so we just sat around the kitchen trying to look casual. I wandered over to his stereo and started flipping through his albums. "You mind?" I pointed to his stereo. I'll admit he had a pretty awesome collection of music, mostly because I had a lot of the same records. I picked one of my favourites (The Bends by Radiohead) and put it on. Right away Jared smiled. "Good choice, one of my favourites." "Mine too." Whenever I looked at him I felt this pull like a rubber band stretched too tight. I started to selfishly wish that we were here alone. 

I heard loud laughter drifting in through the open balcony doors and my thoughts turned back to my friend. I wished so much for her to be as happy as I was and I had a feeling that was starting to come true right now. I sneakily inched over to the door and tried to spy on what was happening outside. They were still sitting next to each other talking but I saw that they now had their bodies angled toward each other. Mission accomplished. It seemed safe enough to return so we all filed back outside to join them. They kept right on talking like they didn't notice that anyone had even left in the first place. 

As it got later people started to take off until it was just Jules and I left with Jared and Jensen. I knew that Jules had a meeting with some potential client early tomorrow so we decided to leave too. On the way out Jared pulled me aside. "Will you stay the night?" I didn't even have to consider it. "I would love to." I told Jules that I was staying and after she rolled her eyes at me I gave her a hug and grinned as I watched Jensen hold the door open for her. She threw me the biggest smile I'd ever seen and then they were gone. 

Alone with Jared. Alone with Jared. That's all I could think about. He was bringing in plates and empty bottles from outside so I went to help. We stood in the kitchen side by side doing the dishes in a comfortable silence. But I could feel this weird something I couldn't put my finger on. It felt like the air around us was charged with electricity. We finished and Jared dried his hands and went over to the stereo and pushed a few buttons. Fake Plastic Trees came on and he held his hand out for me. I curled into his massive frame and let my body move with his.


	29. So good

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ok so this was super embarrassing to write so I hope I got it all right. ~

~ Jared POV ~

She slid her hands up my neck and twisted her fingers into the hair on the base of my head. I let my eyes close and I tightened my hands around her. She continued to rub and scratch until I was starting to breathe heavy. When she suddenly grabbed a handful of my hair and pulled I felt my self twitch. My god, this woman's gonna kill me. Sliding her nails downward she lightly scratched her way down my neck and shoulders. It took all my self control not to just grab her like a caveman and haul her to the floor. I opened my eyes and stared down at her. Her dark eyes were almost black and she was staring at me with unhindered lust. Her hair was wild around her shoulders and her face was flushed with desire. She pressed herself to me and walked me backwards until I felt the chair behind me. She brought her hands up and started tracing her fingertips along my along my chest. I couldn't stop myself from sliding my hands down to squeeze her ass. She stilled and looked up at me with a devilish look. I grunted in surprise when she shoved me back into the chair. She stood before me with this look that left me throbbing with the need to touch every inch of her body.

She leaned over me and put her mouth to my ear. "Wait here." Her breath was hot against my skin and I was almost writhing beneath her. She darted down the hall and heard a drawer open and close. She returned holding a telltale foil square and smiled that same sinful smirk. She straddled my legs and grabbed the hem of my shirt. I lifted my arms and she yanked it off me almost roughly. I almost lost it when she slowly slid down the length of my body and sank to her knees before me. She bent her head forward and brought her mouth to my stomach. Her hair spilled over me in waves of silk and a shiver ran through me at the tickling sensation. She trailed kisses over my chest and brought her hands up to rest on my knees before she started sliding her hands up my thighs achingly slow. She undid the button of my jeans and slowly pulled the zipper down. I lifted my hips so she could pull them off me surprised I still had control over my limbs. 

I don't think I've ever been so turned on in my life as I watched her drag her nails down my bare thighs. That was before she slipped her fingertips under the waistband of my briefs and an animalistic sound ripped from my throat. She looked up at me while sliding the last piece of fabric from my body and I twitched when I felt her hand close around me. "Close your eyes." It didn't take much fight for me to listen as my head fell back against the chair, just absorbing the incredible feeling of her hands touching the most sensitive part of me. My breathing picked up until my chest was heaving and I heard the sound of ripping foil. I felt her slide the latex over me, never stopping the movements of her hands. My eyes flew open when I felt her hair brush my thighs and her hot breath flow over me. I groaned obscenely loud when she lowered her face to my body. My hands gripped the arms of the chair and I struggled to keep my hips still. With the affect she had on me it wasn't long before I couldn't take anymore so I lowered my hands to her face and gently pulled her up. She was smiling so slyly that I couldn't stop myself from yanking her into my arms and carrying her to my bed. Being as careful as I could I threw her down on the bed and all but tore her clothes off. She was squirming and giggling beneath me until I grabbed her face and kissed her. She returned the kiss with a roughness that burned right into my core. I pressed her shoulders down onto the bed until she was splayed out before me. My turn. 

I slowly ran my hands up her arms and slid them over every inch of her skin that I could reach. Using just my fingertips I trailed patters over her stomach and chest. She was almost panting and when I lowered my face to her chest she let out the most provocative sounds I'd ever heard. I let my hand slowly drift from her chest to her stomach and when I moved lower she let out gasp. I trailed my fingers lower still and she reflexively bucked her hips against me. The sounds that escaped her were incredible and I wanted nothing more than to keep hearing them. I crawled down her body until I was kneeling between her legs. I pushed her body higher up the bed until her head was resting on one of the pillows. She propped herself up with her arm the stare at me, her eyes were wild and her breathing was erratic. I brought my lips to her ankle and trailed my lips up her leg until I reached her knee. I parted my lips and ran my tongue up her now shaking thigh. "Oh my god." I smiled before continuing to nip and kiss up her thigh. I pressed my hands to her legs holding them open before I lowered my mouth to her center. I felt her head flop back down and she arched her back into me. I felt her start to shudder and she let out this high keening. I put my hand on her stomach trying to hold her in place as she bucked and thrashed against me. "I'm- I can't-." Her legs stiffened and she grabbed my hair trying to push me away but I just held her down firmly and didn't stop. She cried out and her whole body went limp beneath me. I lifted my head to look at her, her eyes were closed and her chest was heaving. She was still clenching the sheets. I crawled back up to lay beside her and she finally opened her eyes to look at me. She blushed furiously and ducked her face into my chest. "Holy shit. That was..." "So good." I could feel the heat from her face burning into me. I knew some girls were embarrassed about that particular aspect of sex but I never really understood why. I wanted every part of this woman, I wanted to give her as much pleasure as physically possible. As much as she gave me. Instead of saying anything I just kissed her and rolled her over so she was lying on top of me. She brought her hands up to grip both sides of my face. My hands traveled down her back and I pulled one of her legs up around my hip. She lifted herself up and sank back down around me. She sat up and put her hands on my stomach before starting to move. I grabbed her hips tightly and thrusted to meet her. We settled into a rhythm and could feel myself start to tighten. I tried to push it back, I wanted to wait for her. I sat up so we were pressed tightly to each other and ground myself against her. She started to shudder again thank god. I didn't know if I could hold off any longer. I pulled her head back and let my teeth graze her neck. She cried out and spasms ripped through her. We fell back on the bed breathing hard and she rolled so her back was to me. I body felt numb as I lay there with her in my arms. I brushed her hair back and leaned in to whisper in her ear. "Stay forever." But she was already asleep.


	30. Briseis

~ Bree POV ~ Sun. Nov. 7th

I dreamt that I was alone on some tropical beach. The sand was almost white and sparkled like millions of crushed diamonds. I closed my eyes and listened to the slight breeze through the palm trees and the gentle lap of the waves on the shore. Then everything changed. Suddenly the scene before me melted away and I was standing in a dark forest. It was raining hard now but I didn't feel cold. The dream was different than usual, this time it was like watching a movie. 

I heard footsteps and could just make out the outline of a person through the trees. Inching closer I watched the young girl emerge into a clearing. She was caked in blood and her clothes were torn. There were tears streaming down her face and her body was shaking. I knew what was coming and tried to run to her but I couldn't move. I screamed for her to run but no sound came from my mouth. I watched as she struggled forward, falling to the soaked dirty ground. She was lying in a puddle covered in blood and dirt and tears. She was lifting herself up when I saw movement behind her. I wanted to close my eyes. I didn't need to see anymore. 

The man grabbed her from behind, clamping his hand over mouth. Eyes wide with terror she kicked wildly but the man was too strong. He dragged her back to the cabin where her parents were. I watched her sob as she was gagged and tied to a chair facing her father. Her mothers body was still tied up beside him. Still warm. The man stood behind her and raised a knife to her throat. "Just tell me where it is and I'll let her go." He pressed the knife harder to her skin. I saw a trickle of blood start to form on her throat before it dripped down her neck. "Please don't hurt her, she has nothing to do with this." The mans smile was cold as he shook his head. "Don't lie to me. You know where it is." He crouched down to face the girls father and stared into his eyes. "I don't have it anymore I swear. I don't know where it is." The masked man sighed deeply. He could tell he wasn't lying. "I believe you. But just in case..." He pulled a gun from his pocket. He aimed at the girl, sobs muffled by the fabric in her mouth. "One last chance. Stavros" He cocked the gun and pressed it to her temple. Her fathers eyes widened in fear. He knew. "The file for your daughters life."I'm begging you. Don't hurt her. I got out, for my family. I don't have the file. I don't know who does." 

The man lowered the gun and fired. The girls muffles screams filled the tiny cabin before she passed out from the pain. "No! You son of a bitch." The man realized he truly didn't know the files location. He pulled the gag from the girls mouth and slapped her. She started to wake with a groan escaping her lips. "Daddy." "I'm here baby, it's gonna be ok." The man moved behind him, placing the gun on the table next to them. "Close your eyes honey." The man lifted his hands to grip the sides of her fathers head. "Briseis sweetheart, close your eyes. I love you sweetheart. I always w-". Her fathers words were cut off with a horrible crunching sound. She couldn't stop herself from opening her eyes. She started screaming when she looked at her father. His eyes were still open but his neck was bent at an unnatural angle. She was still screaming when the butt of his gun connected with the back of her head. 

I woke up with a start, not screaming for a change. I wiped the tears from my eyes and tried to push the memories back. It was getting harder. Turning on my side I stared at the man beside me. He was on his side facing me, sound asleep, his face smooth and relaxed. I wished that I could sleep like that. I don't know how long I lay there watching him sleep. I felt exhausted but refused to close my eyes, I didn't want to dream anymore. I lightly brushed his hair out of his face, brushing my thumb over his stubbled cheek. I turned away from him and pressed my body to his. He shifted in his sleep and wrapped his arm around me pulling me closer. I wanted to stay here forever, feeling safe in his arms but I knew I couldn't. I had been kidding myself to think it could last. It was only a matter of time before someone got a clear picture of my face and then he would find me. It was sheer luck that I gotten away that night. I knew he would never stop looking for me. So I ran. It was easier back then, to disappear. I picked a spot on the other side of the world and left everything behind. Even my name.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Briseis


	31. Run

I shouldn't have stayed the night. It was selfish and stupid and I knew I would pay for it later. I should never have let myself fall for him, but I didn't regret a single moment we spent together. I lay there, listening to his steady breathing, trying desperately to imagine any outcome where I could stay with him. But I couldn't. I had no choice but to go. I screwed up, I never should have let myself care about him. He didn't deserve what could happen to him if someone found me. I remembered the photographer outside of my apartment and tried to hold back my tears. I cared about him enough that it made my choice for me. One that would keep him safe. 

I slid out of bed carefully so didn't wake him and quickly dressed. I found a pen and paper and wrote him  a note. There was so much more that I wanted to tell him but in the end I said the two things I meant the most. I tried to close the front door as quietly as possible and cringed when the locked clicked. I didn't wait to see if the sound woke him, I turned in the opposite way of the elevators and sprinted down the hall until I found the stairs. I glanced at my phone and breathed a sigh of relief when I saw that it was just after 4 am. I should have enough time to grab a few things and be gone before he woke up. I slowed down to a fast walk when I reached the lobby so I wouldn't draw attention to myself. I faked a smile as I walked past a different guard than yesterday. "Good morning Miss." I nodded and made my way outside. I flagged down the first taxi I saw and jumped in. I gave him my address and tried to hold myself together, I would have plenty of time to breakdown later. For now just concentrate on what you have to do. I shut down. 

I was moving on autopilot now, one foot in front of the other. I paid the driver and flew onto the sidewalk and up the stairs. I went straight to my room and crouched on the floor. I felt around for a few seconds before my fingers found the hole in the fabric of the box spring. I found the edge of the duct tape holding the box in place and yanked it down. I pulled off the rest of the tape and threw the box on my bed. Mechanically I went to my closet and found a carry-on sized duffle bag and started yanking a few things off the hangars not really seeing what they were. I just needed enough for a few days anyway. I grabbed some underwear and socks before grabbing my winter coat from the hall closet. I headed for the door before turning back to the living room. I gathered up all the pictures and with shaking fingers removed them from the frames. I took all the pictures from the fridge too, just to be safe. I snatched my laptop off the coffee table and all the DVDs Jared had given me. At least I would be able to keep a piece of him. I threw everything into my bag and opened the door. I took a final look at my home before I pushed my sunglasses on I closed the door behind me. 

I pulled up my hood and flagged down another taxi and jumped in. "Where to Miss?" "Vancouver International please." I took the lockbox from my duffle but my hands were shaking so bad it took me a few tries to get it opened. I flipped through the contents before I found what I needed. I removed one of the passports and the matching I.D and one of the smaller stacks of cash. I transferred everything to my wallet, switching out the current I.D I was using. I let my head fall back against the seat and closed my eyes. Just keep moving. 

We pulled up to the departure area and the driver wished me a good trip. I tried to fake another smile but it came out wrong. Instead of going inside I crossed the road and headed to the parking garage. I looked around for a place where I could be finish this uninterrupted. Finding a dark corner I crouched down and pulled out all of Bree Smith's I.Ds. I lit the end of one and let it catch before lighting another one. As I waited for everything to burn I took out my cellphone and sent Jules a text. I told her I loved her and that I was sorry. I told how much she meant to me and how much I would miss her. I took the battery out and crushed it along with the phone under my foot. Soon all that was left of the girl I was was a pile of ashes. I rose and headed back the way I came, this time into the terminal. I searched the departures for somewhere new. Finding what I was looking for I went to the ticket counter. She took my passport and I.D. "Any bags to check Miss Jones?" "No, just a carry-on, I'm only going for a few days." She made small talk about how beautiful it was there and about the weather. I kept up my fake smile and replied with enthusiasm. She handed me back the documents and my tickets. "Have a good trip Sarah." I thanked her and headed to the bathroom. I hung my winter coat on the back of one the stall doors before I went to wait for my flight. I knew it would be taken or turned in lost and found. I wouldn't need it where I was going.


	32. Joy/Pain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 3 years later

3 Years Later

~ Jensen POV ~

After all this time I still couldn't believe I had gotten so lucky. That I had the privilege to call this woman mine. I was nervous. Hell I was down right scared. I had this whole speech prepared and had been planning this for months but now that the moment was here I couldn't seem to find the courage. It was Jules' birthday and I planned it so that her friends and family were all there for a 'surprise party'. We had gone out for dinner and of course as hard as I tried I couldn't seem to make myself relax. I pulled out all my acting abilities to feign ignorance when we got back to our pitch dark apartment. 

I opened the door and ushered her inside. I flipped on the lights and all of our closest friends and family shouted as one. "Surprise!!!". The look on her face changed from shock to delight as she took in the crowd of people gathered in our living room. Everyone we cared about was there to welcome us. Almost. I tried to push the thoughts of her away and focus on this moment, until my eyes landed on my best friend. He knew what was coming and as happy as he was for me I could still see what lay hidden underneath. His heart was broken. It's been 3 years and he still hasn't let go. I wasn't sure he would ever move on. Jared was the kind of man whose emotions ran so deeply I didn't know if he would ever recover from what happened. Jules wrapped her arms around me and whispered to me. "You're amazing Jay. You are my all." I hugged her back fiercely, so thankful to have her close. "You are my all." At some point we remembered the room was full of people and broke apart. 

Jules was immediately swarmed with hugs and birthday wishes as I ducked to our bedroom to grab what needed. Jared came in behind me a few seconds later and shut the door. He have noticed the obviously panicked look I surely had and pushed me back until I was sitting on the bed. "Jay breathe." I took a few deep breaths trying to slow my pounding heart. He crouched down in front of me and waited until I looked at him. "Are you sure? Is this what you want?" I didn't even have to think about it. "More than anything." He clapped me on the shoulder and stood up. "Then get your ass out there." He pulled me up and waited while I grabbed the box I had hidden 2 months earlier. I slipped the tiny box into my jacket pocket, taking one last deep I opened the door and headed back to the living room.

I automatically searched for Jules and found her sitting on the couch between her parents. I swallowed all my fears and insecurities and went over to them. Her father gave me a smile and the slightest nod. Silently I took her hand in mine and pulled her with me to stand before everyone. Jared cleared his throat and the chatter died down. I could hear my voice shaking when I started to speak. "First of all I want to thank you all for being here to celebrate this beautiful lady's birthday and I'm so happy that you're all here to share in this special occasion." I held her hand up high amidst cheers and applause. "Ok so there's a few things I would like to say about our birthday girl. First of all I can't even begin to describe how grateful I am to be a part of your life. You are everything I have ever wished for come true. I couldn't imagine a more beautiful, kind or giving person and I feel like the luckiest man alive." In typical Jules fashion she laughed and gave a few bows before rolling her eyes. I took both her hands in mine and turned so that I was facing her. I stared into her eyes and her face changed to shock as I dropped to one knee. I dug the box from my pocket and opened it towards her. "Juliana Grace Van Der Meer. You are my absolute everything. I promise to always love you with more than I am. To be yours always. You are my all. Will you marry me?" 

The room was so silent I could hear the pounding of my heart. Then to my complete surprise she dropped to one knee in front of me. There were tears in her eyes as she leaned and kissed the side of my face. "Of course I will." I can't even put into words what I was feeling in that moment. Her hand was shaking a little as I slid the ring on her finger and kissed it. In the background I could hear Misha squealing like a little girl but it all faded away when I realized she was going to be mine forever. 

I couldn't seem to let go of her as we walked around the room talking with people. Eventually I pulled her with me to sit on the couch, now that my adrenaline was gone I felt exhausted. While Jules and Misha talked I looked around the room at my family. All the guys were here, even Felicia made it when she found out what I was planning. I was in total awe of how my life had turned out, how crazy and unbelievable it was. If someone had told me all this 10 years ago I would've said they were nuts. 

Jules squeezed my hand before getting up and going to sit next to Jared. I watched as they hugged and he kissed her forehead. I could tell he was happy for us but there was still that sadness in his eyes. Jules understood that better than anyone and was there for him in a way I couldn't have been. It had taken a very long time before Jared seemed human again. I knew now that he loved her from the second he saw her, he had hired private investigators, torn her place apart and search half the world but there was no trace of her. It was like she vanished into thin air. There were no records of a Bree Smith before 2007, she seemed to appear out of nowhere. As suddenly and abruptly as she was gone. It was hard to think about the days after she left, the state Jared had been in had scared the shit out of me. He managed to finish shooting the rest of the season but as soon as break started he locked himself away in his apartment. He was convinced that she had been taken or something, that she would never have left of her own volition. After weeks of looking with no sign of her he finally seemed to break. He slipped back into a state I hadn't seen for years. He wouldn't listen to me or Misha and it got so bad I had no choice but to call his parents. They all but forced him go back to Texas for a while. 

Even now after so much time has passed I can still see it in his eyes, all that emptiness and pain. He fakes like the pro he is but he can't fool me. There's nothing I can do to help him and it kills me.


	33. Grief

~ Sarah Jones POV ~

I groaned and rolled over trying to find a cooler spot on the bed. My hair was stuck to the back of my neck, the humidity felt even higher than yesterday. Knowing I would never get back to sleep I reluctantly got up. The heat wasn't too bad but sometimes the humidity was almost unbearable. The best thing about living here though, was the endless supply of fresh coffee. I filled my dented kettle and ground the beans while waited for it to boil. I still missed my coffee maker desperately but I had gotten used to the local ways. My Spanish had improved immensely and was pretty close to full conversations by now. 

There were other things I missed desperately as well but I tried not to think of those things. I couldn't let myself go there again. When my mind wandered to beautiful hazel eyes and strong hands I felt the tear in my heart start to ache again. I pushed it all back remembering the reasons I was here. To keep him safe. He deserved it, deserved better than me. So I kept busy. I found countless ways to fill the long hours until I all but collapsed with exhaustion. Anything to keep from thinking to much was I wanted now. 

I went for my usual early morning run just concentrating on my breathing. I loved the burn in my lungs and the sound of the water to my left. If I tried really hard and let everything else fade away I felt like I could keep going and stay alive. Even if I wasn't really living anymore. 

~ Jared POV ~ 

Wake up. Drink water. Eat breakfast. Brush teeth. Go to work. Go home. Work out. Lather. Rinse. Repeat. For about 3 years now this is how I lived. I smiled and laughed when I was supposed to and went out with my friends. Called my parents. I did everything now that I did before her. I didn't want anyone to worry about me, I had already put them through too much. So I faked it and I had gotten very good at it. So good I sometimes believed it myself. But that never lasted very long. Because I was just a shell now. All of my insides had been carved out and replaced with nothingness. 

When Jay told me he was going to propose I actually felt happy. No one deserves a happy ending more more than him. It was killing me what I was doing to him. He'd always had such a big heart and I knew how much he worried about me. It was easier when we were filming though, to be able to forget myself and become someone else entirely. It was getting harder and harder to leave Sam behind me at the end of the day, because he was the perfect escape from reality. I wasn't trying to kid myself, I knew exactly how screwed up I really was. The week after she left was the worst of my life. I woke up to find a note on the pillow next to me. The first time I read it I only saw the first 3 words, but when I read it again I was confused. "I love you. I'm sorry." I thought she had just gone home so I texted her. She didn't reply so I called. Nothing. I started to get worried so I called Jensen to get Jules' number. She couldn't get ahold of her either. Jules had a key to her place so she went over but Bree wasn't there. All her stuff was though and that's when I got scared. We called her work and her friends. Still nothing. We called the police and filed a report but to this day they haven't found anything. 

It wasn't until a week later that I figured it out. I was in her apartment trying to find something, anything that would help me look for her. That's when I finally noticed. Her pictures. They were gone, the frames were there but blank, along with her fridge. That's when I knew she hadn't been taken. She had left. I remember my legs giving out and my knees hitting the floor. I sobbed into my hands until I had no tears left. Until I had nothing left. 

I don't know how long I stayed like that until my phone rang, pulling me back from my despair. It was Jensen. I didn't remember telling him where I was but suddenly he was there, pulling me from the floor. Later he told me I kept saying her name and saying she was gone. He brought back to his place where Jules was waiting. Bree had sent her a text earlier that morning, with the same message she had left me. "I love you, I'm sorry." 

I took the note from my side table, it was almost unreadable now. At first I had just sat in the dark running my thumb over the letters. I didn't know why I did it over and over like I could somehow pull her from the paper. 

I had fallen into a deep, dark hole and I didn't want to leave. I just wanted to keep reliving the memories I had of her, terrified I would forget what she looked like. I didn't even have a picture of her. Work was easy now. Jensen and I had played these characters for 10 years now. In the beginning we had to draw on personal experiences from our own lives for the emotional scenes. Then as the show went on we were able to connect more with hardships the boys had gone through. That changed for me though, without even meaning to I would always remember that moment when I realized she had left me. Of course Jensen knew it too. When the scene was over I couldn't push it back like I used to be able to. Im ashamed to admit that more than one I had to escape to my trailer to let my grief play out. Grief was the only word I could think of to describe how I felt. I even looked it up in the dictionary. 'Grief: The feeling of deep sorrow'. That said it all.


	34. Damn you Misha

Another 2 weeks later 

~ Sarah Jones POV ~

I was currently walking around my tiny little house (it was a shitty friggen shack) swearing at inanimate objects. I found out that's it's possible to water an herb garden angrily. I was starting to run out of things I couldn't do without but I didn't like going into town if I could help it. I tried to stay away from other people as much as possible. I would never make the same mistakes again, let myself care about people just to have to leave them. I couldn't do it again. He had come out of nowhere, I never expected to fall in love with him. 

Thank god I only made this trip about once a month, it was about 6 miles by bike to get into town. On the up side I'm pretty sure at this I could crack open a coconut with just my thighs. I finally gave in and grabbed my backpack and bike resigning that there were just somethings you couldn't grow or make like razors and tampons. The first half mile or so was was the hardest being unpaved and all uphill but after that it was easy. It was my fault for picking somewhere secluded to live. I had made this trip so many times before I practically had it down to a science now. Grab what you need and go. I never in a million years expected this trip to be different. I couldn't have been more wrong. 

1 week earlier ~ Jared POV ~ 

As hard as I tried to avoid everyone these day I shouldn't known by now that my friends wouldn't let me. Now that we had finished shooting season 10 all I really wanted was for the days to pass as quickly as possible until it was time to work again. But I honestly think they must have gotten together and planned it out so I wouldn't have a lot of time alone. Jensen especially saw what happened to me when I had to much time alone with thoughts. I guess it was Misha's week because he showed up at my apartment one day and took it upon himself to shout embarrassing things and bang on the door until I opened it. 

"You look like shit." Here we go. "Nice to see you too Mish." He was right of course, most days I stayed in sweats and didn't leave my apartment. "Seriously when was the last time you went outside?" He immediately yanked open the curtains and I cursed him for the unwelcome sunlight. "You can't keep doing this Jare, it's not healthy. Physically, spiritually and emotionally." My automatic response was of course to lie. "I wish you guys would stop worrying about me. I'm fi-" "Bullshit, you're fine. You might be able to lie to you're family or even yourself but not to me. And certainly not to Jensen." I knew there was no point to argue with him, not only because he was relentless but because he wasn't wrong. I knew exactly what I was doing to myself, I just didn't care anymore. 

"Well suck it up cause it changes now. You're coming with me next week." My mouth fell open. "Are you fucking crazy?" "Yes" "Misha. I can't just pick and leave. I've... I've got... Stuff and-and things." He kinda crouched down in front of me like you would a 4 year old. "No. You really don't. This, what you're doing, doesn't count. So here's what's going to happen: next week you are coming to Costa Rica for the gishwhes trip. "But I-" "Shut your mouth. This isn't a request." He gave a hug and and started rambling on about other stuff like the conversation never happened. I fleetingly wondered if maybe he didn't have a few other personalities kicking around in his oversized head. 

Maybe it wouldn't be that bad, I mean Misha would be busy with gishwhes stuff so I wouldn't be around him all the time. 

He wasn't gone 5 minutes before the phone rang. I swear these fuckers had a written schedule. Unplugging the phone was useless, the last time I tried Jensen called my friggen parents. "What?" "Hey Jare. Nice to know you haven't lost that sunny disposition." "I'm sure you know by now that Misha was just here." "That's why I'm calling, I wanted to let you know Jules and I are coming too." Great. I should have known not to get my hopes up. There was no way for me to back out now. The last thing I wanted was my folks 'suggestion' of therapy again. So I went through the steps mechanically, passport, shots, meds. Just carrying out the necessary steps to function. 

If I didn't keep going I knew I would break again.


	35. The Deepest Blue

~ Jared's POV ~

We had arrived in Costa Rica a few hours earlier and I wanted nothing more than to just crawl into bed and sleep for days. Jay and Jules of course had other plans. Misha would be spending the day with the winners and I could tell he was trying to dial back his excitement for my sake. I couldn't blame him though, he lived for this stuff. Jensen had arranged for us to go on a hike that would take up most of the day before meeting up with everyone for dinner. Clif had whined about being 'too old to go running around the damn jungle' even though I knew he could handle it. Hell he could probably out me and Jay combined. 

~ Sarah POV ~

I made it downtown a lot faster now that I knew the best routes to take. The first trip had taken hours thanks to me getting lost and my Spanish being shitty. I had a never changing itinerary for the trip, so much so that I was expected.

As usual I headed straight to the pharmacy first. "Ahh, Buenos dias, cómo estás?" Javier had always helped me with my Spanish while I helped him with English. "Good morning Javier, I am well how are you?" "Bien gracias." I grabbed my usual haul of female crap and counted out my money. I still wasn't used to the monetary unit here being called the Colon. I shoved everything in my backpack before saying goodbye. "Have a nice day Javier." "Que tengas un buen día!"

My last stop was this little restaurant off the main street. I paid the owner once a month to receive packages for me. It was masochistic for me to order these but I couldn't help myself. It was the last piece of him that I could still hold onto. When I first got here I devoured all the seasons he had given me. When I got to the later episodes of season 8 I couldn't believe how horrible looked. I know that a lot of it was makeup and lighting or whatever an that he's a great actor but I could see behind it all. I could tell he had lost weight and his eyes looked dead. Was this my fault. I knew he liked me but I also knew that he would move on. He couldn't possibly feel as deeply for me as I did for him. He was beautiful and funny and a wonderful person. I was nothing. No one special enough to miss. 

I was heading towards the side street that would lead me to the trail home when I heard it. There was a restaurant with an outdoor patio on the street ahead of me and I heard what sounded like a big group of fairly rowdy people. Then I heard that deep voice i would recognize anywhere. This cannot be happening. It's impossible. There's no way he would come here of all the places in the world. I stopped and peeked around a stall set up on the sidewalk. Sure enough I saw him sitting there surrounded by people. Misha. 

I was just starting to be ok but now... I felt a flood of all the emotions that I had spent years repressing start to breach the surface. Then I started to panic, how the hell was I gonna get by him without him seeing me. He couldn't be facing away or anything he just had to pick a seat facing the street. I backtracked to a dingy store that sold touristy junk and bought a baseball cap. I quickly took my hair down and put the cap on with my hair hiding my face. I just hoped I could go by quick enough and Misha's would be distracted to the point that he would see me. There's was no point to put it off any longer it was either bike past and hope for the best or scale the side of the cliff on the other side. 

I took a deep breathe and started pedalling. I could hear them all laughing and talking animatedly an hoped that would keep his attention. I forced my self to look straight ahead an keep going and passed the restaurant. Right before I turned the corner I snuck a glance in his direction to make sure. Eyes of the deepest blue bore straight into mine with unabashed shock. But worst of all, was the recognition. He saw me.


	36. Let Her Go

~ Sarah POV ~

Oh god. Oh god. What do I do. I didn't know when I started crying but the wind left cool streaks down my face. All was thinking about was getting away as fast as possible and I wasn't being nearly as slow and careful on the rocky terrain as I should have and as a result had gone down twice. By the time I got home my knees and elbow were a dirty, bloody mess and my palms were scraped to hell and full of gravel. 

I collapsed on my bed and tried to catch my breath. I had specifically chosen this area because of how far away it was from any normal tourist location. Normally people didn't venture all the way out here unless they lived here, for gods sake it was 3 hours to the closest airport. My knees were throbbing and I knew I had to clean my cuts and scrapes, the last thing I needed this far from a good hospital was a blood infection. If I 'could' even stay here now that I had been found. Maybe Misha's would just think it was his imagination. I mean he would have no way to look for me right, my name was different now and no one knew me here. I tried to relax and tell myself everything was ok, he would be gone by the time I had to go back into town right. As hard as I tried to make myself believe that I wouldn't be found and I was just panicking for nothing. Still I didn't leave my house for days, I just curled in the dark, trying not to cry as everything started to fall apart again. 

~ Jared POV ~

As expected the hike had taken us all day and into the evening and much to my delight didn't leave a whole lot of opportunity for conversations. We got back to the hotel just as the sun was setting and the first thing I did was shower and change. I planned on bailing from dinner hoping my excuses of jet lag and being tired from the hike would be enough to fend off the wolves my friends had become. It wasn't really even bullshit because as soon as sank down onto to the oversized bed I realized how exhausted I felt. I reached for my phone to text Jensen when it started beeping. There were 8 texts and 6 missed calls and I immediately started to panic thinking of my family. They were all from Misha. As I read the first text I felt my lungs constrict and my stomach dropped with a lurch. 

I didn't stop to read anymore before I flew out the door. I made it to his room down the hall in three strides and banged on the door with everything I had. "MISHA! OPEN THE DOOR!" Doors up and down the hall started opening but I barely noticed until suddenly Jensen was sprinting towards me with Jules on his heels. "Jare what's wrong? Are you ok, talk to me." I didn't have time to open my mouth before the door in front of me opened. Clif stood there, his usually demeanour was replaced concern but I bolted past him searching for Misha. He was sitting on the couch facing me with an expression that matched Clif's. 

Jensen and Jules flew in behind me in a state of confusion bordering on panic. "Jare what the hell is going on?" I ignored him and stood in front of Misha clutching my phone so hard my knuckles were white. "Where is she? When did you-where?" He looked at Clif for a second before speaking. "This morning, in town." It took a few seconds to sink in that this was actually happening. Clif pushed me down to sit on the couch beside Misha. "Someone better tell me what the fuck is going on!" I looked up distractedly to see my best friends scared face and opened my mouth slowly but Misha spoke before I could. "I saw Bree." 

Jay and Jules exchanged a look before Jules gasped and her hand flew to her mouth. She grabbed Jays hand and looked back at him with tears in her eyes. I saw the realization spread across his face and he looked at me with shock. Misha turned to me and took a breath before speaking. "Hear me out ok. I don't think you shouldn't look for her." I just stared at him, not even slightly comprehending what he was saying. I had spent 3 years searching for any trace of her. Desperately clinging to any tiny sliver of hope that I would see her again. "I don't understand." He looked really apprehensive, like he didn't want to say anymore. "Look before you say anything I need you to listen to me. I know how you feel about her and you're probably going crazy right now. But Jared I need you to consider something. I think maybe you need to consider that she doesn't want to be found."

I couldn't process the words, I could feel my heart pounding in my ears and heard this whooshing that sounded like strong wind. I felt like I couldn't breathe. I struggled for air and my vision started to swim and go dark. I felt weightless for a moment before I felt someone grab me under my arms and suddenly I saw Jensen looking down at me. He faded into darkness and then there was nothing. 

The next thing I knew I was laying on the couch and there was someone wiping my face. I opened my eyes and automatically tried to sit up but was pushed back down. Turning my head I saw that Jay was kneeling on the floor beside me with a cloth in his hand. "What happened." He wiped my face again and I realized I was soaked in sweat. "Jare man, you turned white and started hyperventilating. You uh, passed out." I noticed he had the same look as the others now. I felt ok so I slowly sat up but Jay wouldn't let me stand up. From the couch I could see Clif in the other room speaking rapidly into his phone. Jules was sitting in a chair by the window sipping from a half empty glass. Misha came back into the room and held up his hands before I could say anything. "Just relax and try to breath normally okay, Clif found some information you need to hear."


	37. The Truth

~ Jared POV ~

When Clif got off the phone I expected him to come talk to me but frustratingly enough dashed out of the room. "What the hell- where are you going?" The door closed behind him with a deafening thud. The room was too quiet now that no one was speaking. I could hear every breath I took and the pounding of my heart. I couldn't take the silence anymore. I got up and headed outside through the patio doors. As I left I heard Jensen ask where I was going, his voice obviously distressed and felt like a shitty friend and guilty for ignoring him but I had to get out of there. I took my shoes off and left them on the patio before walking down to the beach. 

I don't know how long I walked along the shore before I sat down and put my head in my hands. I had spent years shoving everything down and not letting myself feel anything. Now it was like I was feeling everything at once and I didn't know how to handle it. I sat there until the sky started to change, the blackness slowly changing to purples and blues. By the time I got back to the hotel the skyline was streaked with all the colours of fire.

I didn't care that I was barefoot and covered in sand. I walked in through the lobby and was about to head for my room when I heard someone from the front desk call my name. "Mr. Padalecki. I have a package for you sir." I numbly walked up to the desk while the man who had spoken began sifting through a large pile of mail and packages behind the counter. He turned back and handed me a large , slightly thick envelope. I noticed there was a note attached to the front and quickly scanned it. I thanked the man before I turned and almost ran in the direction of my room. 

I sat on the couch and put the envelope on the table in front of me. I re-read the note Clif had attached. It seemed that he had somehow managed to get ahold of her fingerprints. The note said that he had reached out to some people in Vancouver and got them to take a few items from the storage locker I rented. After the second month she was gone the building manger was going to throw out all her stuff. At that point I was still very much in denial and refused to believe she wasn't coming back. So I packed everything up and put it in storage for her.

I was terrified to open the envelope but I had to know. There was no way that the truth was worse than what I was imagining. I ripped open the envelope and removed the folder inside. Nothing could have prepared me for what I saw. The first page was a missing person report. From INTERPOL. 

Interpol Missing Person Report - Athens, Greece - June 23rd 1999

Briseis Ariadne Katsaros

DOB - 1/9/87 (12 years)

Brown hair/eyes

Height approx. 152cm

Weight approx. 40 kg

Parents:   
Stavros Katsaros  - Deceased   
Elisabeta Katsaros - Deceased

There were pictures of her as a child, fingerprints, school records. An entire life worth of information up until she was 12 years old. I kept flipping through the pages until I came to a folder marked NIS.

National Intelligence Service 

Stavros Katsaros - Deceased -Subject previously under the employ of NIS - exact nature of employment is classified - No further information at this time

Elisabeta Katsaros - Deceased - Subject previously under the employ of NIS - exact nature of employment is classified  - No further information at this time

There was page after page of the most horrifying information possible. There were police reports and death certificates for both her parents.

Hellenic Police Report  June 23rd 1999

Anonymous call received to station alerting police services of a double homicide. Caller was a young sounding female. Caller refused to leave her name.

Stavros Katsaros  - found in an upright position - victim had been tied to a chair and received surface lacerations to both wrists and ankles - Cause of death: Fatal cervical fracture - neck broken in 3 places 

Elisabeta Katsaros - found in an upright position - victim had been tied to a chair and received surface lacerations to both wrists and ankles - Cause of death: Exsanguination from deep laceration to throat

3rd blood type found on scene belonging to Briseis Katsaros - amount of blood indicates a severe wound - possibly a gunshot as a single shell casing was found near the victims bodies and neither were shot. 

I felt sick. This couldn't be the same person. I mean no one could live through this and still be able to function. Then I remembered her tattoo and the deep scar underneath. I couldn't read anymore.


	38. Decided

~ Sarah POV ~

I must have cried myself to sleep because I woke up still clutching a handful of the pictures I had taken with me. Also tangled in my fingers was the locket my parents had given me for my 10th birthday. It was the last thing I had of them so I never wore it, just kept it locked up with the other parts of who I really was. Their pictures were worn and faded from the years I had spent touching their faces but it was still them. My mothers curls, the exact colour of the sand near our house. My fathers eyes when he laughed. There were still mine. No one could ever take that from me. 

I couldn't think straight. Sleep had done nothing to calm me down or help me figure out what to do. I was just starting to put myself back together. Maybe I was freaking out for nothing. I mean all that was years in the past of course he'd moved on. God how selfish and egotistical was I to think he'd still care about me. There was noting special about me. 

Now that I let myself remember her I couldn't seem to lock him back up again. So I let it happen. I relived every single moment I had with him. The smell of his skin, the roughness of his face when he didn't shave for a few days. It was the smallest things that I found myself remembering clearest if all. Except for how I felt when I was in his arms. How warm and safe he made me feel. Leaving didn't change anything at all. All this time hadn't made the tiniest bit of difference. Nothing would change how much I still loved him. 

~ Jared POV ~

I kept pacing then length of the room desperately trying to make the images disappear. I wanted to hold her in my arms and never let go. I wanted to be the place she could turn to for safety and comfort. I still didn't understand. Why did she leave me? I had been looking for answers and now I was left with so many more questions. My resolve quickly faded when my eyes fell on the table, the contents of the folder still scattered across it. I sat back down and picked up another handful of pages, I tried to prepare myself but after the things I'd learned I had no idea what to expect. 

There was a half dozen more reports from INTERPOL and local police but there didn't seem to be any new information about the murders. There were a few pages from NIS that drew my interest. They were more recent starting in '05, a lot of the text had been blacked out and there was a big stamp over the page labelling the information as classified. I grabbed my laptop and started searching for National Intelligence Service. 15 minutes later I sat back with my mouth open and my mind in a whirlwind of disbelief. Basically the NIS in Greece was equivalent to the CIA. There was tons of websites detailing stories of espionage and black ops and terrorist cells. That's when I got it, when I finally found the answers I so desperately craved. I understood the fake names and the disappearances. Her parents had been spies. 

~ Sarah POV ~

I sat curled into myself, my arms wrapped around my knees. My laptop was open on the bed next to me, paused on his face. I had already made my decision, now I was trying to fight away the blinding terror I felt imagining the difference way this could play out. God I had been so stupid to think I could leave this all behind me, that I was strong enough to do this alone. In that moment I realized that I had always known it would elf this way. That I would go back to him. He had changed me and I couldn't go back. 

I got up and went into the bathroom, forcing my eyes to the mirror. My eyes were bloodshot and puffy and the bones of my cheeks were sharp and unnatural. Hysterical laughter burst from my throat, I had stubbornly held on to idea of being 'fine' for so long I hadn't even noticed my life fading away. All that keep going, stay alive bullshit I had running through my head like a mantra and I had been the one killing myself. I showered and did my hair for the first time in 3 years. Unfortunately I didn't have any makeup to hide the darkness under my eyes or the sickly  hollows of my cheeks. I focused entirely on my breathing so I wouldn't have time to think, grabbed what I needed and left the place that I stupidly had thought was my sanctuary. It had taken a flash of blue eyes on the street to figure out that all this time, it had been my prison.


	39. Try

~ Jensen POV ~

I was starting to get even more worried than usual. Jared was more alive now than he'd been in years but it was anything but comforting. Misha's fleeting glimpse had awoken him from his zombie-like state, but it had also awoken his manic resolve to find her. It had been 2 days since he'd burst into Misha's room and no one had seen him since. We'd been calling nonstop and leaving messages for him but he wouldn't pick up or answer the door. There was a steady amount of room service being delivered and picked up from his room so I at least knew he was alive and eating. I was just about knock on his door again when it opened. 

I expected him to be a mess, hungover or even still drunk, but he was stone sober and looked more rested than he had in a long ass time. "Jare man you scared the shit out of everyone. Again. Locking yourself in here like that." He pulled me into a hug and held it. "I know. I'm so sorry Jay, I know what I've been like and I know how rough it's been on you too." "What's going on? Why are you so...you?" He pushed me back so he could look at me. "I know man, I know." I could have cried when I heard the actual emotion in his voice, it felt like I had my friend back. 

He ushered me inside and I breathed what I think was the first full, easy breath I'd had around him since before I'd found him in her apartment so long ago. "Grab a seat outside, there's some stuff I wanna talk to you about." He went into the kitchen while I walked out to the patio and sat down. He sat across from me and put 2 beers and a thick envelope down on the table between us. I'll admit that at that point the curiosity in me was currently locked in a deathmatch with my nerves. He opened the envelope and took out a folder that he opened and put in front of me. I had no idea what I was going to se but it was definitely the last thing I would ever have guessed. 

I sank to the back of my chair, I was in a state of such shock and disbelief that I hadn't even noticed Jared had left the table. I heard him banging around in the kitchen so I got up and went inside. "I don't even know what to say. I mean, is this for real. Like-." "Yeah. I'm pretty sure it's all true. Clif said he 'knows some people' so I'm thinking its legit." I followed him back outside and sat while he leaned against the railing. He looked confused. "So what are you gonna do, did you think over what Misha said... about letting her go?" He sat down running his hands over his face. "I did. But this, all this changes everything." He picked up the folder before slamming it back down. "Now I know. The reason she left in the first place. The stupid part is that somewhere in the back of my head I always wondered if it was something I did. How selfish am I right?" I squeezed his shoulder. "Jare. That's selfish man. Anyone would think the same thing. I didn't know her very well but I know she felt about you. God, the way she looked at you." He hunched over an out his face in his hands. It broke my heart to see him like this, so broken. It was barely a whisper but I heard him. "I loved her. I still love her." There were tears in his eyes when he looked up at me. "I have to try, even if she tells me she doesn't care about me. If she tells me to leave her alone I will, but if I at least try I know that I'll regret it for the rest of my life." 

"Ok then." I stood up and grabbed his arm. "Then I'll help you, cmon." I grabbed his room key and thrust it into his hand. "What-where are we going?" I opened the door and waited for him to catch up. "To see Clif, maybe he 'knows some people' that can help us track her down." The look he gave me was filled with gratitude. "I love you Jay." "I love you too Jare, now let's go find your girl."


	40. Just love

~ Jared POV ~

I followed Jay to Clif's room with my stomach rolling and clenching and everything in between. This could be it, the chance I need to take to maybe see her again. I was scared shitless. There were just so many what-ifs in my head, so many ways this could end up crushing me. 

Clif was probably the best person possible to have in my corner, he'd spent so many years in private protection he'd built a veritable network of contacts in security and law enforcement. He sent the picture of her at 12 years old to someone that age enhanced it and got me to make changes until it was accurate. By the time we finished we ended up with closest thing we could get to a real photo of her. Clif figured that based on her disappearances and aliases that she most likely didn't live in the area but came into town for supplies. He left after that to start asking around the local market if anyone recognized her. I had nothing to do but wait. 

I decided instead of pacing around Clif's room I might as well go back to my own so I could at least be a mess in private. As soon as I stepped inside I got this feeling like something was off. When I walked passed the kitchen I noticed the curtains to patio door moving slightly, the door was open. My first reaction ingrained in me from years of Clif telling us was to remove myself from the situation as fast as possible. I turned to leave just as the wind blew the curtain aside giving me a direct view of the patio behind it. At first I thought I was just seeing things, that my mind had finally broken away from reality. I took a few steps closer unable to really believe she was real. It wasn't until she turned her head and looked up at me, her eyes finding mine. The memories I'd fought so hard to hold onto didn't even compare. 

Her eyes were filled with sorrow but she was still the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen. A strangled sound escaped my throat and I suddenly found myself on my knees. And then she was there, her arms wrapped around me, her face pressed against mine. I brought my hands to up to cradle her face and saw that she was crying. She opened her mouth to speak but I didn't care, I pressed my lips to her tentatively at first. 

She sobbed into my mouth and kissed me back with so much passion and hunger I could have died happy in this moment. There was nothing else in this world, just the feel of her skin on my fingertips, the smell of her hair. I put one hand over her heart and pushed her back gently, I needed to look at her, feel her heart beat under my hand, try to convince myself that she was real. It wasn't until she brought her hands to my face that I realized I was crying too. She wiped away my tears and kissed the trails they'd left behind. I opened my eyes and turned her face to look at me. I didn't hesitate at all because it was real, I had known it all along. "I love you." She sagged against me and started sobbing. I held her to me like she would disappear any moment, until she pulled back enough to raise her face to mine. Her voice was thick and rough but it didn't matter, she said the only thing that I cared about. What I spent so long thinking I'd never hear. "I love you."

She clutched at me like she thought I would push away. I gathered her into my arms and stood up, cradling her to my chest. She reached up to stroke my cheek and pulled my hard down until she could kiss me. I walked over to the bed and managed to lay us both down without letting go of her. I refused to separate from her for a second. Our kisses were slow and filled with passion, but it wasn't a burning kind of intensity, more of a steady simmering determined to last. I felt her fingers undoing the buttons of my shirt as I slipped the straps of her dress down. She was staring into my eyes so deeply I felt like she could see everything, like my entire being was exposed to her. We undressed each other with patience and tenderness savouring how different it felt now. Every kiss meant more than the last, every touch was a song on my skin. We both hesitated for a moment before becoming one being. One word was left unspoken. She gazed into my eyes from beneath me and I knew we felt the same. We made love with our bodies and hearts, like it was the very first time.


	41. Chapter 41 - I know

~ Jared POV ~

I couldn't take my eyes off of her, I didn't want to fall asleep. I was so scared I would wake up and find out it had all been a dream. We lay there tangled in the sheets just holding each other. I felt her sigh and she tightened her arms around me. "Jared. I'm so... sorry. I didn't want... I was just trying to keep you safe. There's something I need to tell you, things I've never told anyone. But you deserve to know why." I sat up and looked at her. "It's ok. You don't have to say anything." She raised herself up to rest on her elbows. "No I do. I need to tell you why I left, that it had nothing to do with you." I didn't know what say, how to tell her that I already knew. 

I got up and walked into the kitchen to retrieve the folder I'd stashed in one of the drawers. I could feel her eyes following me as I returned, and then shift to the folder in my hands. "What's that." I put the folder on the bed and sit down.   
"There's somethings I need to tell you first. When you left I didn't handle things very well." Her face fell and I could see the guilt she felt breaking the surface. "I don't want you to feel guilty for leaving. I understand now. When Misha told me that he saw you in the market that day he told me that you looked terrified and that you didn't want to be found. That maybe I should let you go. But I couldn't, I wouldn't have been able to live with myself. I'm sorry if that wasn't the right thing to do." 

Her tears spilled over and ran down her face in torrents. I pulled her into my arms and held her tight. "So I decided no matter what it took, I wasn't leaving here without looking for you. Do you remember Clif?" She nodded. "So at that point I was still in pretty heavy denial that you weren't coming back so I moved all of your things into storage." The look on her face was almost funny. "Are you serious? You didn't have to do that." "I know but I had to ya know. And that's how I got this." He gestured to the folder. "Clif somehow lifted your fingerprints from something." She raised her eyebrows. "I know, apparently he 'knows people'." 

I picked up the folder. "I don't know if you'll want to see this. There's pictures... of your parents." She ducked her head into my chest and I could feel her tears soaking through my shirt. "I don't need to see it, I know everything in there already. Um... will you help me do something?" "Anything Br- um do I call you Bree?" She pulled back enough to sit up and wrapped her arms around her knees. "It's what my dad used to call me. Mikrí prinkípissa mou, My little princess." Her laugh came out thick and full of pain. "He was the last person to ever say my name." I shifted closer to her until I was pressed against her side. She sniffed and wiped her face on the sheet. I pulled to me and just held her, smoothing her hair and rubbing her back. Anything to let her know I was here and she was safe. 

When I woke up I thought I had been dreaming at first, until I felt her body beside to me. I can't put into words how it felt to wake up next to her again. I just knew I wanted to forever. I slipped out of bed trying not to wake her and got dressed, leaving a note letting her know I'd be right back. The front desk told me where I could find what I was looking for. 

~ Bree POV ~

I stretched and rolled over, my hand automatically seeking his warmth, but his side of the bed was cold. My eyes flew open in a panic. I scrambled to get up and my hand came across a small piece paper. 'Had to run out for a bit, be back soon - J', written on hotel stationary. I willed my heart to slow down and tried to just breathe and relax. I had absolutely no right to be scared that he would leave. It was what I deserved after all. I got up and got dressed, if he did change his mind and decide he didn't want me anymore I'd rather not be naked when it happened. I was putting on my shoes when I heard the keycard slide in. He called my name as soon as he opened the door. 

"In here. The um I guess it's the living room." He came around the corner holding a tray of coffees. His looked... joyously happy. I still couldn't help but be mesmerized by his beauty. He was perfect. His smile was radiant and warm and I would give anything for him to be like this always. So happy and full of life that it radiated from him. I wanted to be the one that made him smile and laugh and get to tell him everyday how amazing and wonderful he was. How loved he is. As soon as he put the coffee down I got up and launched myself at him, desperate to touch him. I didn't even kiss him, I just needed to feel him close to me, to know he was there and that for now he wanted me. "Sorry I just... I missed you." I looked up at him and kissed my hair. "Trust me I know how you feel."


	42. Chapter 42 - Yes

~ Bree POV ~

We ate breakfast outside on the patio. I hadn't even realized how much time had passed until he said 'good morning'. "Jare? Can we take a walk?" "Yeah of course." We got dressed and he held the door open for me, glancing down at the folder tucked under my arm but not saying a word. We walked on the beach as the sun rose, our hands clasped together. My other arm was still clutching the folder. "You okay?" I paused before answering him to actually consider everything I was feeling. Just being there with him made me happier than I could remember. I also felt a sadness pulling at me that he knew who I really was. He didn't need to have those images in his head. I pulled him down with me to sit on the dry sand. There was something I needed to do.

He sat down more graceful than his size should allow and put his arm around me. "I want to tell you something." I played with edge of the folder I balanced in my lap. "I still wish that you never saw this. You shouldn't have to carry this crap too." I continued before he could say anything. "I wanna be clear, it's not that I mind you knowing it's just that I hate for you to think of me like that ya know." He pulled his arm away and turned to face me. "I understand. Now I want to tell you something too. I don't think of you any different than I did before this. You are still the strongest, most amazing woman I have ever known. This just made me see just how strong you really are, and I love every single thing about you." I tried to swallow away the lump in my throat to be able to speak but gave up and just crawled into his lap. Then I started to laugh. Deep, body shaking, can't breath laughter. I could see him wondering if I'd lost it. "I'm- ssorry- I just- ahh. I just can't believe that I'm sitting here with you, it's been so long and so much has changed but.."

He took my hand and pulled us up so we were both standing. "Nothing has changed about how I feel about you. I know this is crazy but I don't care." I stopped breathing altogether when he dropped to one knee. "Briseis Ariadne Katsaros, I loved you in the beginning, I love you now and I promise to love you forever. Will you marry me." There was much love and joy in his eyes that I didn't even hesitate. Because there was nothing to think about, I could handle anything now, as long as he was with me." "Yes." The look on his face was breathtaking. He pulled me down and kissed me with so much emotion I started sobbing. He pulled a ring from his pocket and had to hold my hand steady to slide it on my finger. "I don't- when did even get-" "Last night, while you were asleep." He grinned at me slyly. "Holy crap. We're engaged!" I almost shouted at him making him laugh. All I could think about was getting back to his room so I could rip his clothes off. But there was still one thing I had left to do. I took a deep breath and picked up the folder I had left on the sand. Taking the lighter from my pocket I looked at him for a moment before lighting the end. I let the flames lick up the sides enough that it would stay lit. I said goodbye to all the pain and guilt I had felt for so long, took Jared's hand, and walked towards my new life.


	43. Consume

As we walked back to the hotel I thought over everything that had happened in the last 2 days. My head was spinning and I had a hard time thinking straight but the one thing I was totally clear on was that I was happy. So unbelievably, over the moon, full on greeting card happy. This beautiful being beside me was mine and he wanted to marry me! He was so amazing that sometimes I couldn't even believe it. This kind of thing didn't happen in real life. I mean he was so kind and sweet and had such a beautiful soul. He wanted to help people and make the world a better place. And he was funny, so funny. He completely shared my love of perverted humour and bad jokes.   
Sometimes I thought I loved him so much it would consume me. 

"So how long are you staying here anyways?" "Another week and then we have to get back to the show." He opened the front door for me and put his hand on my back. "Damn right you do." He stopped and raised his eyebrows. "Are you- you still watch it?" I didn't want to ruin the good mood we were in but I wanted to be honest with him. "It was the only way I could still see you." His face fell for a moment and then he was kissing me, not caring in the least that we were still in the middle of the hotels lobby. I pulled away with a low growl and yanked him towards his room. He laughed and pointed in the opposite direction of where I was heading. 

I started pulling his clothes off before he even had the door open. He kicked it shut and started tearing my shirt off. Our mouth met in a clash of teeth and tongues and obscene moans. His hands roamed down my body and he lifted me up pulling my legs around him. I felt the wall at my back and his fingertips digging into my hips. This wasn't the sweet and gentle lovemaking we'd shared before. It was raw and rushed with pure need for release. He slammed into me with a roughness that surprised me, and made me scream with overwhelming pleasure. I definitely liked this new side of Jared. We didn't even make it to the bed. We did however make it to the floor. As the kitchen counter and the shower. 

We were laying in bed, exhausted from all our morning (and afternoon and evening) activities. "So what brings you and Misha here anyways? Just a vacation or what?" "For us yes but Misha does this worldwide scavenger hunt and he brought the winners here for a week." "Wow, that's really cool of him. Wait for 'us', is Jensen here too?" He propped himself up and looked at me. "Yeah he's here... And so is Jules." "What!? Oh my god!" I shot up and started desperately looking my clothes. "Woah babe." "I gotta see her, god what she must think of me now." "Babe no. No one thinks any less of you. I don't know for sure but I'm assuming Jensen told her what we found out." That stopped me dead. "Wait are they...?" He smiled brightly. "Yeah they're together." He had this mischievous glint in his eye like he wanted to say more. I threw his clothes on the bed and started pulling on my pants. "Babe, your shirts inside out." Dammit.


	44. Home

~ Jensen POV ~

Jules and I were sitting in our room waiting for Jared who we hadn't seen him in the 2 days since he'd shown me what Clif had found out. He'd been texting me to let me know that he was fine and a few minutes ago he said he had something to show us. I was still worried about him but not like I was before, this was a different kind worry. On one hand I had never been so happy in my life, I had found this wonderful, sweet, beautiful woman and soon she was going to become my wife. On the other I felt guilty for being so happy when my best friend was in so much pain. It was even harder on Jules, they had been so close. More like sisters than friends really. She was sitting on the other end of the couch reading and I couldn't help but stare at her. Her hair was like liquid gold in the sunlight and it always took my breath away. I couldn't wait to be able to call her mine forever. A knock at the door pulled me from my selfish thoughts and Jules was already up and heading to the door. The door opened and I heard her gasp. Then she started crying and babbling incoherently. 

I jumped up and ran towards her, my mind conjuring up all the worst possible scenarios. Oh my god, what if Jared... I stopped short as soon as I entered the room to seen him standing in the doorway and felt the enormous relief wash over me. And then I saw Bree standing beside him. It only took a second for Jules to get control of herself long enough to stagger forward and throw her arms around her. I also noticed that Jared kept his arm around Bree the whole time. Every trace of sadness was gone from his face now, replaced with unabashed joy. His expression was happiness personified, and I felt my throat tighten when I saw the love in his eyes while he looked at her. 

"I can't believe this. You have no idea how much I-I missed you so much I don't-holy shit you're actually here." When she got really excited about something Jules tended to talk really fast and smash all her sentences together. I'd gotten used to what she called her "manic-mouth" and didn't have to get her to calm down the understand her anymore. I caught Jared's eyes and nodded first towards them and then to the patio. He understood at once and we excused ourselves even though they didn't hear us. Before we left the room Jared bent down to kiss the side of Bree's face and she looked at him with so much emotion it made my heart swell. 

~ Jared POV ~

We left them alone knowing how much they had to talk about. Jensen sat down but faced away from me, his shoulders hunched over a bit. "Jay man, you okay?" "Yeah I'm fine." His voice cracked and he finally turned towards me, eyes shining. "Jensen, what's wrong?" To my surprise he started laughing. "Are you kidding? I've never been so happy in my entire life!" He stood up and yanked me out of my chair, crushing me in a rib bruising hug. "I've got my best friend back... my brother." It was my turn to get choked up. "Ok, get off me before I start bawling." He laughed again and sat down across from me.

"So me'n Jules were talking about the wedding, doing some rough planning and so far all we've really decided on is that it's gonna be in Texas." He smiled hugely. I just shrugged and tried to keep my face expressionless. "Hmm. Ya know since I'm gonna be in your wedding and all, will you be in mine?" His mouth fell open, then closed. Then open again. It took everything I had not to laugh because he honestly looked like a fish out of water. "

~ Bree POV ~

"I can't fucking believe that you're here right now!" Jules was practically sitting on my lap on the couch and had been hugging me every few minutes. "Me neither, trust me." If someone else had been watching what happened next it would have been hilarious. She took my hand and we made a clinking sound when our fingers connected. We both looked down at our hands and back to each other with gaping mouths. "Holy shit-are you-oh my god." We screamed over each other and basically had a mutual freak-out. "Jules you have to tell me everything." She filled me in on how they fell in love and how much he was there for her after I left. I felt unbelievably guilty. I didn't know if could ever make it up to her, but I was damn well gonna try. When she told me about the night he proposed I broke down I was so happy. "Speaking of weddings you know you're gonna be my maid of honour right?" "Only if you're mine." We spent the rest of the night in full on girl mode talking about everything I had missed during my pointless self inflicted exile. I felt whole again for the first time in so long, surrounded by the people I loved. I felt like I finally had a home.


	45. Touch

I kept breaking down in random bouts of tears. It was a really odd feeling because I'd never been so emotionally honest in my life. Every time something terrible had happened my response had always been to shut down so I wouldn't have to feel it. Now I was trying my best to feel everything, because I finally realized that if I didn't let myself feel the bad, I wouldn't wholly feel the good either. And now there was so much good that the bad was definitely worth the pain. 

Now I had something else nagging at. I was still worried about being exposed and Jared's life was definitely in the public eye, though he protected his privately life fiercely. When we got married I would be thrust into that life too. When we got married. It actually hit me. I was going to marry Jared. He would be my husband. The words kept rolling around in my head and I think they finally started to sink in. Holy shit. 

"Jules to Bree. Come in Bree." I finally noticed her hand waving in front of my face. "Sorry I.. I'm just thinking about ya know, everything. It's kind of a lot to take in." We were laying in bed like we used to. Except that it was hot as crap in here so the covers were bunched at the foot of the bed. "I worried Jules. I mean the stud that Jensen told you, about my parents, what is that man is still out there?" She had always been annoyingly optimistic. And logical. "Hun, that was 15 years ago and he must have been at least 30 at the time. I doubt he's still looking for you after all this time. Plus he'd be older right. He probably wouldn't still be all Jason Bourne anymore." 

As desperately as I wanted to believe her I couldn't seem to let go of my worry. And I felt guilty because I should have been focusing entirely on how happy I was. Didn't I deserve to be happy?

A few hours later we were at sitting around Jensen and Jules' room just chatting and catching up when there was rapid knocking on the door. Jensen got up to get it and as soon as he came into the room he started jumping up and down and screaming like a little girl. Then I was hug attacked. Ahh, Misha. How I missed him. Cliff trailed behind him and gave me a stiff but sweet one armed hug as well. After Misha managed to calm down a bit he pulled a few bottles of wine from the fridge and insisted that we celebrate. I noticed a few times that he kept sneaking quick glances at me when he thought I was paying attention. Later on he pulled me aside. "I'm really sorry if telling Jared I saw you wasn't the right thing, I didn't meant to-." I cut him off right away. "Misha listen to me. I'm really glad you did. I'll admit I was totally freaked out when you saw me and I didn't know what I was going to do but none of that matters now. Actually in a way you kind of saved my life. Or gave it back to me." I hugged him and thanked him profusely for bringing me back to Jared. 

I looked around the room for a moment and knew I was right, without Misha I knew I'd still be sitting in that stupid shack wasting my life. Oh crap. I'd forgotten all about my little "house" and my stuff. There were only a few things I really cared about and I'd leave the rest for someone else. Jared sat down next to me and took my hand, even in our relatively short time together I'd come to expect how he always used his thumb to rub circles on the back of my hand. It sort of felt like it was his way of reminding me he was there. I had a feeling that no matter how long I lived there would never be a moment where my body wasn't hyper aware of him. Even now we were just sitting next to each other hardly even touching and I wanted to climb him like a tree. Of course he noticed me blush and look away.   
"What are you thinking about?" His breath was hot on my neck and did nothing to help clear my head. He felt it when I clenched my thighs together and gave me a smile so sexy it should be illegal in public. Then he casually draped his arm over the back of the couch and started lightly rubbing my neck. 

He turned his head and kissed my cheek innocently enough and went back to just sitting there with his hand draped over my shoulder. I relaxed a bit realizing that Jared wouldn't purposely touch me like that in a room full of other people.   
Then I felt embarrassed that I was a grown woman but couldn't seem to control myself. 

Then Jared put his hand on my leg and lightly squeezed.


	46. Today. Right now

I instantly froze under his touch and looked at him hard trying to speak with my eyes. He just smiled like he didn't have a care in the world and kept right up with the conversation happening around us. He knew exactly what was doing to me the smug bastard. He nonchalantly grabbed a pillow from the end of the couch and placed it over us like he was just absentmindedly playing with it. As soon as he did he slid his hand further up my thigh. I tried to trap his hand from going any higher by clenching my legs together but I might as well have been trying to trap a shark with a butterfly net. 

Son of a bitch. Two can play that game. I crossed me legs and leaned into him like I was just relaxing. He wasn't looking so I slipped my hand under the pillow and scratched my nails up his leg. He choked out a gasp and covered it with a cough. "You ok Jare?" I blinked at him all innocently. Instead of answering he narrowed his eyes and his mouth twitched. His hand was gripping my leg almost too tightly as I let my fingers dance over lightly over him. I could hear is breathing pick up and he shifted on the couch. I leaned over and whispered as quietly as possible. "Just remember you started this." He growled low in response as I dragged the thin blanket from the back of the couch and threw it over us. On the plus side his hand seemed to be staying where it was. But while I was just trying to get back it him the act of making him squirm was starting to affect me too. 

That I could make him clench his jaw like that made me feel sexy and powerful. I tried to pay attention to the conversations but my brain wasn't cooperating. All I could feel was the heat from his hand on my skin. I think the wine had made me a little bolder and when I squeezed him lightly under the blanket he let out the sexiest groan I'd ever heard. Unfortunately everyone else heard it too and turned to stare. He stretched out and played it semi-cool. "Sorry guys I guess I'm just a bit tired." I faked a yawn and stood up throwing the blanket back on the couch. Jared was still holding the pillow in front of his lap as we awkwardly fled the room. 

After they hurried out of the room Jensen, Jules and Misha sat there looking at each for a few seconds before they all sighed in relief. Then started howling with laughter. "Thank god." "Man that was awkward." "I thought there were gonna just bang each other right there." 

(Meanwhile, down the hall)

In our haste and fumbling to get the door open Jared accidentally dropped the pillow and I started giggling. "Hey don't laugh, you did this." He gestured to his ridiculously obvious arousal. I finally got the door open and shoved him inside before someone saw him. Our laughter quickly died as we remembered that we were completely alone now. He closed the distance between us in a flash and kissed me hard. I don't know who took who's clothes off but suddenly his touch was just.... everywhere. There was no other way to describe it. He made every nerve in my body positively sing. The weight of his body over mine, his hands on my skin. It was almost too much but also nowhere near enough. I knew that no matter how long I lived would never get enough of him. 

As we lay there trying to slow our breathing we looked at each other. He was simply breathtaking. I couldn't get used to it. How soft his hair looked and how is eyes changed colours. I could lay here with him forever and still marvel at the utter perfection of him. He hadn't shaved in a few days and his stubble was perfect. I found myself wishing he could grow a beard.   
God I was so satisfied but staring at him like this made my stomach flip. Suffice to say we didn't get out of bed that day. Again. 

It was too warm in the room when I woke up but I still snuggled closer to his furnace-like body. He was always so warm as the layer of sweat covering him proved. He was still asleep on his stomach like always, his hair plastered to the side of his face. I softy brushed his hand back and selfishly it was because I wanted to see his face better. 

His eyes fluttered open and he closed them again with a groan. "Hey there McSweaty." He opened his eyes fully and raised his eyebrows while I laughed at my own terrible joke. "Hey it's like a thousand degrees in here." I propped myself up and gave him a bullshit face and he smiled sheepishly. "Ok fine I sweat a lot. It's only because I'm oozing with love for you." He pulled me closer to him and rubbed his face on my back. "Jared, ugh get off me you sweaty freak." "Never!" He pulled the sheet off us and threw it on the floor and rolled on top of me. "There now your just as sweaty as me." Holy crap. It was like having a fridge fall on you. "Jare- can't... breath." "Oh shit." He flung himself off me and started apologizing profusely. I just laughed at him. "It's nice to know that if the need ever arises you can double as a steamroller." He still looked guilty as hell so I kissed him until he relaxed. 

He pressed his forehead to mine and whispered softly. "Marry me." I giggled and held up my hand. "Ummm." "Today. Right now." My mouth fell open. "Wait. I... what." He was completely serious. "We're getting married right? I want you forever. Why not start right now?" I couldn't think. I wanted nothing more than to jump out of bed and run to where I would become his wife. I couldn't think of any reason not to. I had everyone I loved here with me. But Jared didn't. "No." For a moment his face fell and it broke my heart. "No, let me tell you why. If it was just about you and I, I would already be out the door. Running." He smiled and I saw the tension drain from his face. "But I know how much your family means to you and I won't take that away from them, or you." He just kind of stared it me not speaking. "What." I felt so exposed, which shouldn't bother me considering just how "exposed" I've been with this man. He took my face in his hands and just held it never once looking away. "Amazing." I flushed immediately of course and looked down. How he could still make me blush was almost embarrassing. He tilted my face up forcing me to look at him. "You are. This-." He squeezed my face with lightest of touches. "This, is why you are amazing, who you are." Dammit. "You, are not making this easy." He chuckled and kissed me. Ending the conversation for a while.


	47. Tether

A/N - Sorry this update took soooo long. I lost all motivation and it woulda sucked if I tried to force it.  
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My bones felt sort of rubbery. It was a weird contrast to certain muscles that were a bit sore. In the best possible way. I also felt really spoiled. After being able to spend as long as we wanted in bed how was I supposed go back to be a "normal" member of society. I didn't want to let him get out of bed, let alone put clothes on. I tried not to dwell on it because I knew Jared had to go back, he had responsibilities and a whole life back there. None of that even mattered though, it didn't matter that I'd screwed everything up or someone may after all this time still want to hurt me. Wherever he went, I would follow. Forever. 

~ Jared POV ~

Before I was even really awake I reached for her but she wasn't there. And the sheets were cold. I sat up immediately wide awake and slightly freaking out until my eyes found her. She was sitting on the couch with a steaming cup in her hands, watching me with a look of concern. She looked away trying to hide her face. She looked ashamed as she little more than whispered. "I'm sorry." It broke my heart to see her like that. I knew how guilty she still felt, it was just who she was to feel responsible for everything. "Don't be sorry. Please don't feel like this. This is my own insecureness crap that I have to deal with. I know you won't leave me." She put down her cup and came towards me. I lifted the bed sheets and she crawled in and wrapped her arms around me. She tilted her face up and held my chin until our faces almost touched. "You never have to worry again. I'm never going anywhere without you."  
It wasn't until I kissed her that I realized my cheeks were wet. I don't know how it was physically possible for my body to contain all the emotions running through me. I felt like her arms around me was the only thing keeping me from bursting or floating away. 

She sighed heavily and when moved to stand I noticed what she was wearing. "You're dressed?" She went back to her coffee and and sat on the couch. "I just realized that I need to get some things I left at my place. Since I'm not staying." She smiled widely when she said 'staying'. I immediately jumped out of bed and searched for my clothes. "I'm going with you. I mean, if you want to." I could hear angels sing in her laughter and I paused to soak in the sound. "Of course I want you with me. Always." She stood and walked to where I was standing with an armful of clothes. "But-." She took the clothes and tossed them in a corner. "I think you need to shower first, you smell like... you know." Her face flushed as she pushed me towards the bathroom. I paused in the doorway and turned back to her, drinking in the way she still manage to look so shy after everything. "I happen to love how you smell. Especially on me." Her mouth fell open and her face somehow managed to get even redder. As I ducked into the shower I heard her embarrassed groans and couldn't help but chuckle. 

I was seriously glad that Jensen had talked me into renting the 'car' we ended up with. Bree's place was outside of the main city and was pretty much only accessible by foot or bicycle. Or a monster jeep made for off roading. I not that big into man-toys or anything but I'll admit this thing is pretty awesome. "Woah." Bree was staring at the tires and she looked to small compared to beast of metal next to her. I just shrugged and explained the only way I needed to. "Jensen." She nodded once and laughed. "I figured." I went to help her in but she was already hauling herself into the drivers seat and had strapped her harness on before I could even move. Then giggled when she had to help me figure out how to stamp myself in. "Aww. The big, tough Texan boy has never been off-roading. That's so cute." "It's not my fault. I've been acting since I was 16 and its actually in my contacts that I can't do dangerous stuff." She gave me sweet little 'oh sweetie look' and gunned the engine. "It's not dangerous, if you know how to drive." She peeled out fast enough that my stomach stayed in the parking lot. I felt very unmanly as I gripped the side of the door and the seat as she sped along the dirt roads out of the city.  
We weren't technically off road yet and I was almost pissing myself. "You okay Jare?" She had to yell over the roar of the engine. As hard as I tried to pretend I wasn't nervous as shit she took a quick glance at me and laughed again. "Don't worry. I'd never let anything happen to you." I started to calm down once I realized she knew what she was doing. I watched her as she shifted perfectly and navigated the terrain like she's done it a thousand times. 

 

She pulled off the main road and eased the jeep onto the edge of what could only be described as a small cliff. There was about 6 feet of space between the side of the jeep and the edge with nothing to keep us from going over the side. The path winded steadily downward at a steep enough decline that I could feel my heart pounding in my ass. I didn't relax and breath normally until we finally got to the bottom and we were level again. "See babe, nothing to worry about." She was grinning like a hyena and I automatically felt better. 

We drove along on what looked like a private beach with little houses spaced out unevenly until there was nothing but the cliff on one side and the ocean on the other. She pointed towards a tiny house in the distance and sped up. It couldn't even be called a house really, more like a large hut. It looked like someone had taken pieces of different houses and slapped them together to build a shed. We stopped in front of it and I realized that I was open mouth staring at it while she unbuckled me. "It's not bad." She quickly freed herself and hopped out before I'd even opened my door. I got out and followed her the door when I saw her open it quickly discovering that there was no lock. "Oh my god. You didn't even have a lock on your door!" She just pulled me inside and closed it behind me. "Didn't need one. People know not come here. Even if they did I have nothing to steal." She said like it was the most normal thing in the world. I could feel my blood rushing in my ears. "Steal?! What if someone tried to hurt you. Oh god what of a man tried to-." She grabbed my hand and put it on her chest over her heart. "Shhh. It's ok. Trust me okay. I was perfectly safe here. I'll show you one day." She maneuvered my numb body into a chair and started grabbing things and putting them on the bed that was against one wall. I tried to calm my heart as I looked around for the first time. 

It definitely looked like a place someone would use to hide out. There was a twin sized bed and a tiny kitchen area and I could see closet sized bathroom tucked into one corner. "How long did you live here?" She stopped and looked around for a bit and shrugged her shoulders. "The whole time." My god. She had spent 3 years living in this one room shack and it didn't seem to bother her in the slightest. "Trust me I've stayed in way worse places than this. Besides I had everything I needed." Her face fell a bit before she found my eyes with a look of love so fierce my breath caught in my throat. "Well almost everything." She blushed again and went back to gathering her things. I watched as she pulled a duffle bag from under her bed and tossed in a few pieces of clothes and a laptop before kneeling down beside the bed. She pulled away the rug and I watched in awe as she used a pocket knife to pry up one of the floorboards. She reached in a pulled out a small metal lock box and replaced the floorboard and smoothed the rug back in place. She saw the look on my face and again gave me the no-big-deal look. She sat on the bed and fidgeted with box on her hands. "Don't freak out okay." At this point I had no idea what to expect. She turned the dials of the lock and opened it. When I saw what was inside I jumped to my feet. "Holy fuck."


	48. Closure

~ A/N ~

BTW As I'm sure you've noticed I have no proofreader other than myself so if there's any mistakes they're my own. 

Also I sincerely apologize if any of the Spanish is incorrect. I used google translator and I don't know how accurate it is.   
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~ Bree POV ~

I knew it. As soon as I lifted the lid he jumped to his feet, freaking out. I swear I could see the veins in his necks pop out. "Holy fuck?!" "Just calm down and let me explain, it's really not that bad." He started shifting from one foot to the other, almost like he was rocking himself. "What'd you mean not that bad? What the hell are you doing with a gun?!" He was yelling now which honestly, I expected worse. "Listen to me. I only have it to protect myself. It was a last resort if I needed it. Besides you've been handling guns for what, the last eleven years?" He huffed out a breath and muttered something that sounded like 'props'. Then his eyes popped and he started babbling. "Do you know how to use it-have you fired it-have you-." "Shhh. Yes. I know how to use it and yes I've fired it. Before you ask, no, I've never shot anyone."

He looked like he was on the verge of panicking. I put the box beside me on the bed and quickly closed the distance between us. I had to stand on my toes but I managed to wrap my hands around the back of his neck to pull his face closer. "I want you to listen to me okay. Nothing is going to happen to me."  
He closed his eyes and pulled me tight against his chest. "Just the thought of something taking you away from me I-" his voice broke and I felt a shudder rip through his body. "I wouldn't survive it." Something broke inside of me when he said that. The idea of him not existing left me gasping for air. My lungs turned into one solid mass and I couldn't remember how to breathe. I don't remember him picking me up but suddenly he was laying me down on the bed. He lay down on his side facing me and I shifted until I was tucked against him. I curled in tighter until his body was half draped over mine. The weight and heat of his body was the best therapy in the world. 

I knew that my need for physical proof that he was safe and real and here with me should make me feel needy and slightly pathetic but   
it faded away with every squeeze of his arms and soft whisper of assurance. I didn't feel at all embarrassed or ashamed of these feelings though. If anything it solidified the depths of what I felt for him. He accepted all of my flaws and baggage and he loved me. He loved me. 

When I opened my eyes again the room was darker and slightly cooler. The sun had begun to set. We were in the same position, his arms locked around me and my face pressed into his chest but when I looked up at him he was awake. Smiling down at me with a look of peace and contentment. "Watching me sleep like a big ole creeper?" He laughed softly and smiled that dimple showing, panty dropping smile that melted every part of me. "Absolutely." I sighed deeply, not wanting to ever move from this spot. "I wish we could stay just like this forever." His sigh followed my own and I felt his chest expand and contract and I breathed him in. "Me too." Resigned to the fact that we both knew it was a fruitless wish he rolled onto his back while I sat up and stretched. "C'mon, let's get outta here." 

I finished grabbing what I wanted to take with me and watched as he eyed the metal lock box still sitting on the side of the bed. "Don't worry, I'm gonna take care of it." He didn't say anything about it, just picked up my duffle and smiled as he headed outside. "I'll wait in the car, take your time." He closed the door behind him and I looked around one last time. It was starting to hit me that I wouldn't be returning to this little shack that had been my home for years. I grabbed the box from the bed and walked towards the door without another glance. I didn't need to commit this place to memory, it was just another part of my past. I opened the door and walked towards my future. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The drive back to town was a lot less tense than the one earlier. Of course all his tension returned when we pulled up beside the little illegal-package-delivery-service/restaurant I used. I turned to look at him and squeezed him. "Probably best if you stayed here."   
He was already unbuckling his harness and opening the door. "That's not gonna happen."   
Pushing anymore would be pointless because I knew he was in protective mode. I lead the way around the side of the building and stopped in front of the door. I took his face on my hands and made him meet my gaze. "Don't say a word okay. Just stand behind me and act tough of something. So fast it was like someone flipped a switch, I watched him immediately become 'Sam Winchester: badass hunter extraordinaire and saviour of humanity. The protectiveness was comforting and put me more at ease, but I'd be lying if I said he didn't have the ability to look scary as shit. 

I knocked twice, paused and then again three times as was standard trying to ignore the brooding man behind me. The door opened and I ducked inside with Jared so close behind me I could feel his body heat. Paulo was pretty much how you would imagine anyone dealing in shadiness to be. He always wore a white wife beater of questionable cleanliness and spoke in low monosyllabic grunts and quick nods. I knew nothing about him other than that if you needed anything you couldn't get legally he was the man to see. He was also the one to see if you needed to get rid of things of a questionable nature. I put the lockbox on the makeshift counter he had set up and removed the gun. I swear I could feel waves of disapproval emanating from the big pouting baby behind me. I pulled out the clip and set both down on the counter in front of Paolo. "It's a Sig Sauer P226. 9mm, Tribal two tone. No serial number." His eyes flicked over the piece quickly before looking behind me. I kept my gaze forward and my voice steady as I could. "He's cool." He looked back to me for a second and nodded. "Five." His voice was low but commanding, like he was used to being agreed with unquestionably. "Done." Honestly if I could have I'd of just given it to him for nothing but that would only made him suspicious. In this particular business people don't do anything for free. 

He turned his head and hollered something my mediocre Spanish didn't quite catch and a younger man popped his head around the corner. Paolo lifted his hand and made the universal hand gesture for money. The man disappeared and returned a minute later with roll of bills he passed to Paolo who passed them along to me. "Gracias por todo, realmente lo aprecio."  
He gave me an uncharacteristically warm smile stuck his hand out. "Su bienvenida, señora bonita. Asegurarse de que él te trata bien."  
I smiled at him one last time and turned and took Jared's hand. 

As soon as we got outside Jared engulfed me in one of his massive-can't-breathe-hugs. I probably would have laughed if I didn't know how truly freaked out he really was.   
Instead I let him hold me for as long as he needed to. "One more stop and then we're done 'kay." The relief in his breathing and body was tangible. Now I did let out a little giggle at him. My big softy. I looked up at him and just took him in, tried to absorb his warmth and goodness. God, how do people in love do this? Go about their lives and do normal things like go to work and focus on other things. I couldn't imagine him not always being somewhere in my thoughts. I started wondering if that was normal. I mean is it even possible to love someone too much?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thankfully it was only a 90 second drive from Paolo's place to the pharmacy, which hopefully wasn't enough time for him to notice how lost I was in my thoughts. 

Seeing Javier and his wife for what was probably the last time brought a mass of emotions tumbling out of me. He was the first person I had actually spoken to here, and looking back I realized even if I hadn't wanted to like him it would have been impossible not to. He was everyone's favourite grandfather, the man who kept candy behind the counter for children that had nothing. In the 3 years I'd known him I'd only seen his wife a handful of times but he spoke about her so often I had a pretty good idea of the kind of person she was. They gave me hope and restored some of the faith I'd lost for humanity. 

"Hola dulce niña. Te he echado de menos. Ohh y quién es este joven hombre." I couldn't hold in the disturbingly girly giggle that burst from my lips. Javier just had that affect on everyone around him, you couldn't help but be happy in his presence. "Se trata de Jared. Mi finanzas." His face lit up like Christmas and he started yelling like a crazy man. "Dios mío. Theresa, noticia maravillosa. Oh, ella va a ser tan feliz." Jared still looked goofy happy at my side, if not a little confused. I could tell he wasn't really following the conversation very well. 

There was a squeak of a chair and a loud groan before his wife Theresa, slowly made her way into the room with one hand on her back and the other resting on her swollen belly. She was so small and fragile looking that I wondered how she could remain standing at all being so hugely pregnant. She took both of my hands in hers and squeezed them with a strength belied by her tiny stature. She spoke softly, low enough that I was sure that she spoke only to me, but her voice had this presence and authority that I couldn't imagine anyone not heeding her words. She kept looking back and forth between Jared and I while she spoke like she was trying to read him. She asked me if I truly loved him. "Con todo mi corazón." Her smile was dazzling as she told me she could see in his eyes how much he loved me as well. "A continuación, vaya y sea feliz, querida niña." She placed my hands on her belly. "Tener muchos bebés con ese hombre."  
For a moment all I could do was stand there with my mouth hanging open. The thought had never even occurred to me. Having a baby with Jared, a real family of my own. I blushed furiously because until that moment I never realized just how much that that was exactly what I wanted. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Translations -

"Hola dulce niña. Te he echado de menos. Ohh y quién es este joven hombre." - "Hi sweet girl . I've missed you. Ohh and who this young man."

"Se trata de Jared. Mi finanzas." - "This is Jared. My fiancée."

Dios mío. Theresa, noticia maravillosa. Oh, ella va a ser tan feliz. - Oh my god. Theresa, wonderful news. Oh, she's going to be so happy. 

"Con todo mi corazón ." - "With all my heart." 

"A continuación, vaya y sea feliz, querida niña." - "Then go and be happy, dear girl."

"Tener muchos bebés con ese hombre." - "Have many babies with that man."


	49. Never enough

When we finally made it back to the hotel I felt oddly lighter even with these suddenly relentless new thoughts weighing me down. With how quickly an idea can take over my mind and eclipse all rationality, I would probably make for a fascinating case study for a psychologist. 

We made plans to meet everyone for dinner that night as a kinda last hurrah, Jensen was flying back earlier than us because he was directing an episode. Jared still had a week of vacation left and wanted to spend it at home just he and I, while I was carefully fine tuning the question I wanted to ask him. I turned it over in my head as I showered, fully aware that I was being ridiculous. Now that I was actually thinking about I don't know what a psychologist could tell me about myself that I didn't know already. Severe abandonment issues stemming from the loss of both parents at a young age. Fear of inadequacy, low self-esteem, and TOTALLY UNDERSTANDABLE unresolved issues with cabins and general wooded areas in general. I've had a lifetime of trying to work on facing most of my issues, especially now with Jared in my life (heart, soul, entire everything that I am) but I've never been able to face that last thing. Amazingly enough living in British Columbia all this time has never been a problem. "Wanna go camping with us this weekend?" "Aww I wish, I have this big project due on Monday. I'm not feeling well. I'm deathly allergic to every tree, bush and rock in that exact area." After a while of that people stopped asking. 

"You ok, babe?" The soft knock on the door was enough to make me jump and yank me back to reality. I'm not sure how long I was in there but at that point I was pretty much just standing half under the spray all wrinkled and pruny. "Yeah, I uh... kinda spaced out I guess." There was a few seconds of silence before he replied. "Okay, just checking." I shut the water off and stepped out but I purposely didn't reach for a towel. I leaned back over the tub and tried to squeeze the worst of the water from my hair. It was silent on the other side of the door but I knew he was still standing there. Swallowing my insecurities and pointless shyness I stood up and didn't reach for a towel. "Come in." There was a long pause I fully expected before he opened the door. 

His face was priceless. He went from normal to wide eyed and red in less than a second. But as soon as I looked him in the eyes all my fears vanished. He was my forever. I wondered why I had ever been scared in the first place. I couldn't hide my smirk as I leaned up to give him a quick kiss before walking passed him to the bedroom. I was halfway dressed by the time I heard him walk into the room. "God women, you trying to give me a heart attack?" He put his hand over his heart dramatically and tried to scowl and me but his eyes were bright. "You're right, I mean you are getting older." His eyes narrowed and the corner of his mouth crawled up giving him this amused and slightly evil look. He stalked towards me all swagger and confidence and it was sexy as hell.   
"Older huh? You better get used to it babe. I'm gonna get grey and wrinkly and bald." I pushed him down to sit on the edge of the bed so I could crawl into his lap. I couldn't help but laugh at the image in my head. "Even when you have no teeth and your balls sag to your knees you're still gonna be the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. And I'm gonna kiss your old, wrinkly ass every day." He burst out laughing and hugged me tight. "And when your boobs sag and your ass gets fat I'm gonna love you even more." 

I buried my face in the crook of his neck let the feeling run through me before I pulled back so our noses touched. He kissed me slow and deep enough until the need for air broke us apart. Even then our lips were still touching. He whispered against my lips and I repeated it back to him. "Forever."

Jared let out a soft groan that had me worried for about 1 second before I felt exactly why. "Oh you pervert." I looked down and he blushed. "I can't help it when you're sitting on me like this." I kissed him before he could say anything else. I moved my mouth to his ear bit down lightly and smiled when his hips jerked. "You're evil." The words came out as a moan and sent a flash of heat all the way down to my toes. His hands dropped to the hem of my shirt but before he could slide it up I put my hands on his chest and slammed him down onto the bed. His eyes flew open with a loud gasp. "Wha-." I shushed him and climbed on top of him as slowly as the ache in my belly allowed. He automatically put his hands on my waist and leaned up to kiss me. I closed my hands around his wrists and pulled his arms up over his head. 

His eyes widened and swear I could almost hear his heart pounding. "Keep your hands up." He stared for a second before jerking his head in a nod. I started unbuttoning his shirt and now I could feel his heart fluttering beneath my fingers. I let out a huff in frustration. A thousand degrees out and he still wears 2 shirts. I don't know what my expression was but immediately started to shuffling out of his shirts. Oh my god. Why he insisted on wearing clothes at all was beyond me. When his chest was bare he laid back and not taking his eyes from mine he put his hands back over his head. I honestly think I growled a little before I bent down to attack his neck. He moaned softy and tilted his head back and to the side exposing the curve of throat. I dragged my tongue along his jaw and nipped behind his ear. His breathing was almost obscene and it made me crazy. I wanted every little sound I could pull from his mouth. I slid lower down his body and felt his arms twitch. I lifted my head enough to look at him and he was gorgeous. His cheeks were flushed and his bottom lip looked a little swollen and I knew he'd been biting it. "Do I have to tie you down?" His hips shot up again and he threw his head back. "Oh my god." I trailed my tongue down the middle of his chest until I reached his belly button pausing to dip into the hollow there. "I- I can't-." He was practically vibrating when I took his nipple between my teeth and bit down a bit too hard. "Oh fuck." He was so responsive I could feel myself losing control and I didn't even have his pants off yet! 

The second I reached for his belt he let out a feral sound and lunged up flipping us over. "You." He didn't finish whatever he was saying and started ripping off my clothes. He started pressing his lips down my body stopping on each word. "You. Drive. Me. Crazy." Even if I wanted to fight him for dominance I was way too far from rational thought to do anything about it. "Looks like I will have to tie you down next time." His eyes glazed over with a dark and hungry stare that made me shiver. He used his hands and lips and teeth and pulled me apart beneath him until I was boneless and drunk from his touch. I forgot all my careful planning and what I was going to say and just revelled in the sensations he brought to the surface of my skin. For now this is where I wanted to stay.


End file.
